Most people who are blessed with a cushy desk job act in one of two ways. They are the social butterfly of the office. They attend all the Christmas parties, have dinner with coworkers OUTSIDE of work, and know everyone by some sort of self-made nick name. They also spend the majority of their day with their nose stuck up the bosses' ass. The other type of person is the one who goes in, does what their supposed to, and leaves. They are punctual, keep to themselves, and make fun of the boss and his/her 'shadow' on a normal basis. Guess which one I am?
My name is Rebecca. You can call me Rebecca (I don't do nick names). I have been working in the same cubicle for a little over three years. I haven't gotten a raise, I haven't gotten a promotion, and the boss hates me with a bloody passion. Why do I stay? Because it's safe. Because I know it well. It's consistent. It is probably the only truly consistent thing in my life. I don't really know anyone, but I like it that way. I have enough things going on in my life. I don't need other people to make it worse. I live in a one bedroom apartment with Isis. She is beautiful and she loves me for who I am. Every night when I come home, she asks me how my day is. Then we lay on the couch and watch TV until it's time to go to bed. When it's time to go to bed, she curls up at my feet and just purrs to her hearts content. Yes. Isis is my cat. Don't laugh. She's the best friend I ever had and I aim to keep it that way. She is the second consistency in my life.
Now, of everything that I told you, I neglected to mention one very important detail. Her name is Lori. She has worked in the cubicle next to me for as long as I can remember. We are the same type of worker. On time, sarcastic, lesbian. Okay, so maybe she isn't a lesbian. I don't know. I've never asked. I just know that she doesn't, and has never, had a boyfriend as long as I've known her. Yes, I know that isn't grounds to call her a lesbian, but it's wishful thinking. We don't so much talk as we do e-mail.
Have you seen the way Rose has been flitting around the office like a hummingbird on crack? It's making me sick. Not to mention Larry (our boss) has become her own personal feeder. Maybe there's something other than number crunching going on there, eh?
Yes, I've seen it. My trash can is full of my own stomach bile. I hope she trips over her $500 Prada boots and lands on the copy machine. Then maybe the machine will break and I can go home early.
And that's all we do. Every now and then she'll help me with computer problems. Yes, that's right. I work at a job where all I do is sit on a computer and I'm computer illiterate. But I like it, because I can use it to make Lori come out of her world and help me in mine. It's a great plan if you ask me, but you didn't ask me.
There has always been a sort of tension between us. Well, for me anyway. Let me give you some examples. About a month ago, I was walking around the corner carrying my 100 tons of paper work when Lori came around the bend at full speed and knocked me on my ass. I was pissed until I looked up and saw who it was. She looked so embarrassed and sorry. Her face got red and it spread to her ears. Then she got this really sheepish smile and kept apologizing. It was so cute. Ahem, anyway, she helped me gather all my stuff and put it back in my arms. Then took her hand and proceeded to brush me off. My shoulders, my arms, my chest, everything. Mind you I was wearing a short sleeve shirt, so she was brushing my skin. I think I came right then, but we're not talking about that. It's about her. How can she not be a lesbian and pay my body that much wonderful physical contact?
Oh, then this one time we were e-mailing and I brought up Isis. She sent me an e-mail back about how she loved cats and had three of them and that they were her little fuzzy babies. THEN, and this is the clincher, she said she could never be with someone who didn't love cats! Oh! Lori!!! Pick me!!! I LOVE CATS!!! You and I can live together forever in a big mansion with a million cats!!! Um, never mind. But yes. She's a cat lover and it sounds like, to me, she dropped a big hint about the kind of person she wanted. I don't know about you, but I sound just like the girl for the job.
Now you would think that after all this time and after her lusting over me (I can dream!) that one of us would have said something. Maybe asked the other one out for dinner. Or just over to ones house for a glass of wine and conversation. Or shopping for Christ's sake. But no. Apparently I missed the 'Laws of Lesbian Attraction at the Office' rule book. Rule number one must be 'There is to be NO contact outside of work even if you're fucking like rabbits up against the fridge in the break room.' We haven't done that, but I've had many a fantasy. Never mind.
So we've established that all our contact has been in work and in work only. No phone calls. No outside e-mails. No snail mail. No telegraph. No carrier pidgin. No messenger on a horse who I had to pay with a flask of whisky for him to deliver the message. But last week, something happened. Something different and new and totally unexpected. Something that I sure as hell wasn't ready for and never thought would happen.
I was sitting on the couch with Isis. We were discussing War and Peace over a dish of tuna and a glass of milk. Suddenly my phone rang. I figured it was my mother calling to ask me why I wasn't married with children yet. Yeah, I know. I'm 32 years old and my mother still doesn't know I'm gay. That time she walked in on me at 17 going down on Suzy Kimble in my bedroom should have tipped her off, but it didn't. Or that time I was 24 and brought my girlfriend, Mary, to the family gathering and kissed her in front of every one, including my aunt Phyllis who was a nun, but it didn't. I just let the phone ring. Then I noticed something. This ring was different. My mother's ring was persistent. You know the mom ring. The one that pretty much says 'I can do this alllllll night'. That wasn't what this ring was saying. This was saying 'I hope you answer'. I looked over at Isis. 'Should I?' I asked her. She perked up her ears and gave me a slight nod. Good enough for me. I walked over and picked up the phone. 'Hello?' I answered cautiously. 'Rebecca?' a familiar voice asked. It was her. It was Lori. I smiled so big I thought my jaw was going to break. I looked over at Isis, covered the phone, and whispered 'It's her!'. Isis gave my a little smile, I think that's what it was anyway, and laid down. I composed myself as best I could and I dove into the conversation. 'This is Rebecca, who's this?' I lied. 'Oh, sorry. It's Lori.' I giggled to myself. 'Oh hey. How are you?' She hesitated a little before answering. 'Good, I guess.' This got my sympathy. 'You don't sound good. What's up?' I sat down at my kitchen table and prepared myself for whatever it was that she had to say. She began to spill out this whole story about how she wasn't making enough money and didn't have the time to work at another job and that her landlord was going to kick her and her cats out, because there was no way she was going to make rent. 'I guess what I'm trying to ask is'can I stay with you until I get back on my feet?' Oh. My. God. My head swam. I finally happened. But wait'why me? I'm sure she had other friends. Good friends. Friends that would be more than happy to take her in. Just then, she spoke again. 'I know you're probably wondering why I asked you and not someone else.' Oh, this girl is good. 'I do have friends. But all couples. All couples that I don't want to impose on. I know you live alone, so I just thought maybe I could sleep on your couch or something. I'll pay rent. I'll help pay for food. I won't make long distance calls. I'll stay out of your way. Say something. I'm babbling.' Come! Stay! Eat my food! Call China! What do you mean you know I live alone!? 'It's alright with me.' I finally said. I could hear her smile over the phone and it made my heart float. 'Great. So I'll just follow you after work tomorrow?' This is too good to be true. 'Sounds good to me.' We said our good-byes and then I did the only thing I could do. I jumped up and down squealing for 5 minutes and then started to clean the apartment.
I got to work that morning on time and dead tired. I didn't stop cleaning until 3 in the morning. I never knew the under part of my couch harbored such atrocities. It was like a whole new tiny world. Did you know that dust bunnies actually grow and reproduce? I do now. I saw Lori as soon as I was walking to my desk. She didn't say anything to me, so I just sat down and did what I normally do at work. I checked my e-mail. Sure enough, there was one from her.
'Hey, I just wanted to thank you for letting me stay. You have no idea how much it means to me. I promise not to stay too long. I don't want to be a burden to you. I just need to stay long enough to get myself together financially. My mother is taking my cats, so you won't have to worry about them. Again, thank you. I'll see you tonight. Or you, when I poke my head around the corner and ask if you have any staples.
Stay as long as you want. Stay forever. The truth is, I'm in love with you. Everything about you just makes me so'happy (for lack of a better word). You make my day so much better when I sit down and read your e-mails. You're beautiful and witty and everything I could ever want in a partner. You amaze me. If you wanted, you could live with me permanently. Lori, I love you.
That's what I WOULD have wrote, but I think it would come on a tad too strong. So I opted for a simple 'It's no big deal.' Letter instead. The e-mails continued to fly as we figured out where she could put her things and where she would sleep. Much to my dismay, she said she would sleep on the couch. I told her she could take the bed and I would sleep out there, but she declined. Maybe I should have told her she could take the bed with me in it.
The day drug on until FINALLY it was time to go. We walked out together, got in our cars and drove to my apartment. I lugged all her stuff up the three flights of stairs. I wanted to make myself look strong. So what if I suffered a hernia. Who cares if my vertebrae snapped in two. It doesn't matter that I kept having to stop and telling her it was because I was losing my grip and not because I was really popping my shoulders back into place. The point is, I got all her things up to the room in one trip even though when I set her suitcase down, I think my arms detached. I showed her around. Not really much to see. Living room, bedroom, kitchen, bathroom. Nothing fancy. I picked up my arms and her stuff and we organized it in my bedroom closet. Afterwards, we decided to go sit in the living room for a while and chat. We sat down on opposite ends of the couch. Let me just point out that it was the most awkward silence to ever grace history. I had no idea what to say. Here was this girl that I had been pining over for the longest time and now she was staying in my house. She was sleeping on my couch. She was eating my food. She was taking a shower in my bathroom and wrapping her body in my towels (that's my favorite thought). She broke the silence after about 20 years. ''Thanks again for letting me stay.' I smiled. 'You act like it's a big deal. It's not like I kicked out my own parents so you could stay. You needed a place and I'm not one to turn away a friend.' She shifted in her seat. 'True. But I didn't think we were this good of friends. I mean hell, we only ever e-mail. Have we ever talked outside of work?' I didn't even have to think about it. 'No.' She was quiet for a minute. 'Why not?' she asked. I was too entranced by the way her fingers were twirling her short maroon hair. 'Why not what?' I asked. 'Why have we never talked outside of work?' she repeated. For once, I didn't have an answer, so I bullshitted. 'I don't know. I mean, I always figured you to be someone who would never be home. I didn't want to ask for your number. I didn't think you would be interested in hanging out with me.' She took a deep breath. 'First off, I never leave my house. I'm probably the biggest hermit you will ever meet. Second, I'm in the phone book. And third, I would have loved to have someone to do something with on the weekends. Especially if that someone was you.' She must have noticed how red I turned and decided she wanted to make it worse. 'I mean, you're witty and so goddamn funny. I think I could have had fun with you just about anywhere.' Now not only was I red, but I was wet. Yeah, I know. But c'mon! Fun just about anywhere. Tell me you don't think about all the various places we could have sex!
After she said that, we just looked at one another. Not in a lustful way. In a way that said we were both trying to figure out what the other one wanted. Now don't get me wrong. I would love to have sex with her. Ravage her in every room of my apartment. But that's not the only thing I wanted. I wanted her. I wanted to make her smile all the time. I wanted to make her dinner. I wanted to cuddle with her. Hold her. I wanted to lay with her. I wanted to make her happy. I wanted to fight with her just so I could say sorry and have make-up sex. I wanted a life. And she wanted'to go to bed. Amidst all my day dreaming, she said she was tired. 'I'll see you in the morning.' She said. I stood up and said 'Yeah, sleep well. If you need anything, don't hesitate to come to my room and wake me up.' I pulled the pillows and blankets I had for her out from cabinet under the TV. I said good night and went to my room. When I got there, I fell backwards onto my bed and exhaled. The woman of my dreams was 2 rooms away.
I got up the next morning to find that Lori was already up and cooking. 'Hey.' She said. 'As a token of appreciation, I decided to make you breakfast.' I cursed myself for not getting dressed. I was standing there in a pair of pants and a black tank top. No bra of course. My hair was also going in every direction except the directions I wanted it to go. 'What is it?' I asked in a sleepy voice. She smiled at me and her eyes squinted. It was cute. Just plain fucking cute. 'Well, I can't cook. So it's over-cooked scrambled eggs with burnt toast and under-cooked bacon.' I moved closer to look in the pan. 'I had bacon?' She laughed. 'Yeah, I had to dig past the jelly and the weird green stuff in the orange bowl to find it.' 'Yeah, I haven't cleaned my fridge since 1000 b.c.' I told her. Of all the things I cleaned, how in the hell did I miss cleaning the fridge?! Oh well, she didn't seem to mind. Just then I looked down to her ankles to see Isis laying contently beside her feet. Lori must have noticed my staring. 'She woke me up.' I smiled. 'Oh really?' I glared down at Isis. 'She was padding up and down my chest.' Lori continued. 'She really gave me no choice, but to get up. Then I felt weird just sitting on your couch like a moron. That's when the cooking began.' Isis just purred. Lucky cat.
After sitting in the coffee place for 2 hours and nibbling on bagels, I decided to be a bit more forward. 'So why don't you have a boyfriend?' She stop mid-bite and looked at me. Oh god. I went too far. Take it back. Take it back right now! 'Never mind' I said and I crammed the rest of my bagel into my mouth. 'No, no. I'll answer that. You just caught me off guard.' I went to say something and part of my bagel came flying out of my mouth and hit the table. Dear god kill me now. She just laughed and went on to answer. 'I had a boyfriend back home in New Jersey. We lived together and got along very well. He would actually go shopping with me and take me out to fancy places. It was all very nice. Then I noticed something. He seemed to like shopping more than I did. He dressed better than me. His hair was better than mine.' As she trailed off, I began to chuckle. She gave me a look that said 'You know what I'm getting at.' I giggled some more and she finished her story. 'Yes. He was gay. He came out to me while he was helping me pick out a hand bag.' I busted out laughing. Thank god I had already swallowed my bagel, because it would have came out of my mouth like a projectile missile and hit her in the head. 'Yeah yeah, laugh it up. We know now it's all for the best. After him, I started seeing someone else, but that didn't work out.' I smiled. 'Did you turn him gay, too?' I asked. 'No, she was already gay. She was just a cheater.' That shut me up. I knew it. I knew it for the longest time and now it was finally confirmed. DYKE! She was a dyke. She was a big ol' vagina lovin' lezzie! My eyes must have given me away, because she smirked and said 'So how long have you known?' I stuttered and stammered. 'Well you don't'and I never wanted---I could have---but I didn't think you---can you pass me a napkin?' I didn't want her to think I had her pegged all along. I didn't want her to think I have been lusting after her from the moment she strutted into the office. I didn't want her to think I would cuddle with my pillow at night and call it Lori. Okay, so I never did that. But I didn't want her to think that. 'It's okay, Becca. I figured you knew. Why do you think I wanted to stay with you? None of my other friends here know about me.' Oh. My. Shit. She liked me. She did this so she could stay with me. Or did she do it, because she just knew I was gay, too? Damnit. How do I ask without being any more forward? 'Did you ask to stay with me, because you like me?' Fuck. Shit. Goddamnit. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Why did I let myself say that. Okay brain, you and I need to work together. You need to think before you let words come flying out of my mouth. Lori just looked at me and have me a really sweet smile. 'You tell me.' She said. Then she leaned across the table and kissed me. It wasn't a big kiss. No tongue or anything of that kind. Just small. Sweet. On the lips. About 2 seconds. She pulled away and sat back down. I felt my face get all hot and the room started spinning. Oh hell no. Yes, that's right. I passed out. What the hell? Why was everything going so wrong? Who the hell passes out from a kiss? No one. Just me. Because I am just that friggin' good.
When I came around, Lori was kneeling next to me holding a cold towel to my head. 'You know,' she said, 'this really seems like some weird fairy tale clich'. I sat up and felt a little better. I looked around. The whole coffee house was hovering over me. After a second, I stood up and looked at Lori. 'Can we go now?' I asked. 'Sure thing.' She replied. She put her arm around my shoulders and walked me to the car. We got in and we were totally silent the rest of the way home.
Lori walked me up the stairs with her arm around me. When we got inside, she made me lay down on the couch. I looked at her and she looked as if she was trying not to laugh. 'What?' I asked. She gave me a very catty grin. 'Well'I always thought that a kiss was supposed to wake the girl up. Not make her go to sleep.' I just stared at her with a blank look that caused her to crack up. I turned bright red. Possibly the colour of an apple or a tomato. She stopped laughing and put her hand on my shoulder. 'Are you feeling okay?' she asked. I sat up and leaned against the back of the couch. Lori was kneeing in front of me. Her eyes met with mine. They were green. No, not just green. Green and yellow. Like cat's eyes. Beautiful. When she looked at me, I felt like she was looking directly into my heart and could see everything I was thinking. Then she reached her hand out and put it on my knee. Then she began to lean in and she kissed me. The kiss was kind of like before. It was sweet. Soft. When she pulled back, her eyes were still fixed on mine. I didn't faint this time. Instead, I took my hand and placed it on her cheek. She tilted her head into the palm of my hand and closed her eyes. I caressed her cheek and then traced her lips with my thumb. My hand trailed to the back of her head and into her short red hair. I began pulling her closer to my face. My lips met with hers and the kiss became more passionate. My tongue slipped into her mouth very slowly as not to scare her. She met it with ease and began sliding her own tongue over mine. By now, both of my hands found their way to her face while her hands moved to the small of my back. Our faces leaned this way and that. Her hands were under my shirt running up and down my spine giving me chills. After almost 4 minutes, I broke away. She stood up and put her hand on my back to guide me. She laid me down on the couch and then began hovering her body on top of mine. She leaned her head down and I felt her lips brush lightly against my neck. My hands began to roam all over her back and her shoulders and her neck. She began to suck on my neck a little occasionally biting it causing me to let out slight moans of pleasure. Just then, she slid down and pulled my shirt up. She began to kiss all over my stomach. My hips. My chest. Then she came back up and looked me in the eyes once more before leaning into my ear and whispering 'Are you ready?'
I felt her skin. It was so warm and she was so ready. I looked her in the eyes. 'No.' I answered. Her face dropped. She looked disappointed. Almost angry. She climbed off of me and walked out. I heard the door slam, the car start, and drive away. The truth is, I wasn't ready. Here's the woman of my dreams that I have wanted since the moment I laid eyes on. The woman that would send me cynical e-mails about putting poison gas in the ventilation system at work, so we could get the day off. Did I want her? Yes, I did. More than you'll ever know. But not like that. Not so soon. Not on the couch after I just passed out from a kiss. To be honest, I didn't even know her all that well. What her life was like growing up. What her first girlfriend was like. I didn't even know if she really loved me. For all I know, she just wanted to use me to get laid. It couldn't happen so fast. I wanted a relationship. I wanted trust. And honesty. And love. I wanted to know that I was going to go to bed next to this woman and have her still be there in the morning. This wasn't something I could go about lightly. I sat on the couch for a little bit wondering where she went and if she was going to be back that night. After the clock read midnight, I decided to go to bed. I climbed under my sheets and drifted off to sleep. It seemed as if I had been asleep for 10 seconds. But when I woke up and looked at the clock, it was close to four in the morning. I got up and walked into the living room. Lori was asleep on the couch. I reached over, got a blanket, and covered her up before walking back to bed with a smile. She came back.
In the morning, I got up and walked to the bathroom. Lori was sitting at the kitchen table drinking a cup of coffee. I walked in and sat down next to her. She didn't even look at me. Bad sign. 'Lori?' She didn't respond. 'About last night'' Shit. Do I tell her? Do I pour everything out? 'I'you---I have---herpes.' AAAHHHHHHH!!! WHAT THE FUCKING HELL!? WHY DID I SAY THAAAAAAT!? WHAT WAS GOING THROUGH MY HEAD THAT MADE THAT SOUND LIKE A REMOTLY GOOD IDEA!? Yes, this will get the girl of my dreams. Her having a mental picture of my sore infested crusty vagina. Good fucking job, Rebecca. Pat yourself of the back, you dumb ass! Her eyes shot up to me. 'What!?' She practically yelled. 'That is so not what I meant to say.' I tried to recover. 'What I meant to say was that we're moving too fast and I don't want to and I do want to have sex with you, but not right now, because I want to make sure you love me first and I want to be sure that we're going to make it work and I'm sorry.' Yeah, it came out just like that. She was quiet for a long time before she finally looked at me and said 'So you don't' have herpes?' I saw the gleam in her eye and a slow smile creep across her face. 'No.' I laughed a little. 'I'm as clean as a hospital room.' The gleam got brighter. 'Which hospital?' I grinned. 'You know those rooms on E.R. The ones where everything is bright white and shiny. Like THAT clean.' She smiled at me and laughed. 'Good to know.' She said as she gave me a wink and got up to get more coffee. Thank god. Everything's alright now.
I went in to sit on the couch. Isis was stretched out as far as she could be, so I had to sit around her. Those of you that have ever seen how a cat gets if you move them while they're sleeping, you know you wouldn't have moved her. A few seconds later, Lori came in and sat in the chair. She was starring at me and had this little smirk on her face. 'What?' I asked playfully defensive. 'You don't want to move too fast?' she asked me. 'No, I don't' I answered. 'Okay then. Rebecca?' she asked. 'Yeeees?' 'Would you give me the pleasure of letting me take you out to dinner this evening?' Awwww, she asked me on a date. I thought for a minute. Well, I pretended to think. I knew my answer already. 'Why Lori, I would love to accompany you to dinner.' She smiled big at me. 'Okay then. 7:00 p.m. Be ready by then and we'll go to dinner. I'll pay for everything.' Then she stood up and walked to the bathroom. Does anyone know how long it's been since I've been on a date? Let me tell you. Do you remember that big meteor that hit the earth and wiped out all the dinosaurs? Well, it was just before that happened. I began to feel like a 16 year old girl again. My stomach was all fluttery and I began to get giggly. I looked over at Isis who was awaken by my giggles. 'Guess what, Isis?' She just looked at me. 'I have a date.' She looked mad, because I woke her up. She stood up, stretched, and jumped down. Oh well. She didn't need to be excited. I was excited enough for the both of us.
The day dragged one. Lori and I passed one another in the apartment quite a few times, but not a word was uttered. When I saw the clock hit 6, I began looking for an outfit. I didn't want something to dressy, but I didn't want to look like a hobo. I decided to opt for a pair of jeans, a black tank top, and my black boots with buckles on the sides. By the time I had decided what to wear, it was 6:45. My bedroom looked like the clothing store threw up in there. I would have picked everything up, but I didn't have time. I jumped in and took a ten minute shower. When I got out, it was almost 6:45. I was making good time. I went into the bedroom and threw some gel into my short blonde hair. I ran my finger-tips through it until it had that semi-messy appeal to it. I put on a few celtic silver rings and I was ready to go.
When I walked out of the bedroom, Lori was standing in the kitchen getting a glass of juice. She had on jeans, a fitted black shirt, and a pair of sandals. Her red hair had been done so it was styled in the front and spiked in the back. She looked so amazing to me. 'Are you ready?' she asked with a grin. 'Yup.' I said. Ready as I'll ever be I thought to myself. We walked down, got in her car and we were off.
Dinner went off without a hitch. We went to small local establishment. It wasn't super fancy, but it wasn't a dump. It was the ideal place for a first date. We spent most of the time chatting. Just getting to know one another. She had told me about her mother and how she was a crazy bitch, but sometimes meant well. She told me that she had one brother who she never saw, because he was living with his girlfriend in another state. All while we were eating and talking, her foot was under the table rubbing against my leg. The eye contact between us was never ending. Everything was wonderful. When dinner was over, we began drinking a little bit of wine 'So how long have you liked me?' I asked taking a sip from my glass. 'From the second I saw you.' She said. 'I knew. I knew from the moment I walk through the doors and saw you. I knew you were gay.' I laughed. 'Yeah, I knew you were, too.' I said. 'Oh really?' she said cocking her eyebrow up. 'Well, not really. I assumed. The way you dressed in pant-suits every day. The short hair. The way your e-mails were written. You just seemed so'.dykey.' Okay, I probably could have stopped that conversation at the part where I just said I knew she was too. Not good. Somewhere along the lines, the conversation drifted toward sex. Did I say drifted? I mean 'was shoved in the direction, when I asked Lori about her first sexual experience.' 'Well,' she began, 'I was 12, I met this girl through my ex boyfriend. He had broken up with her and she and I became best friends. We did everything together. Joined at the fucking hip.' she slurred. 'So one day I was at her house right? Staying the night? You know how girls do that. And we were in her room talking and somehow we started tickling each other. Well, she wound up pinning me down and then we stopped. We were breathing heavy and laughing and then she kissed me. And we kissed and touched and we had sex. I know we were only 12, but it isn't hard to find out what feels good.' After she said the last sentence, she chugged her glass of wine. 'Well interesting.' I said. 'You were very young.' she laughed. 'I know, right!? You think I would have figured out I was a homo BEFORE I was 14.' I laughed at her. 'What about yours?' she asked. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. 'I don't want to talk about it.' I said nervously. Her look of confusion turned into a look of understanding. 'Okay, you don't have to.' She said. After that, the atmosphere changed. It got quiet. I can't tell her. I don't know her good enough to tell her about that. Even if I did, I still may not tell her. She broke the silence. 'Are you ready to go?' she asked. 'Yes.' I said finishing off my wine.
I must have been more worse off than I though, because the second I stood up, I got dizzy and stumbled back into the chair. Lori laughed and tried to help me. Instead, she helped me succeed in falling on my ass. When the waiter walked over, he asked us if we needed him to get a taxi. We SLURRED the word no and left. We made it to the car and actually made it home. We fell up the stairs laughing the whole time and holding onto one another for balance. Balance did not ensue. We FINALLY made it into the apartment. She walked me to my bedroom door. 'I had fun.' She said. I smiled. 'Yeah, me, too.' I replied. 'Goodnight.' She said and she leaned in and kissed my cheek. She turned to walk away. Oh fuck it, I thought to myself. I grabbed her arm and pulled her into an embrace where out lips and tongues met. I kissed her like it was the last kiss I would ever give. Then I let her go. She looked flabbergasted. I just smiled and said 'Goodnight'. Then I walked into the door. Yeah, all was going good. Too good. I had to do something stupid. Then I actually opened the door, walked in, and shut it behind me. Not exactly how I planned to make my exit, but it was good enough since I was so drunk.
Weeks went by. Lori and I became very close. We hadn't have sex. We'd go out to lunch, go shopping, go out to dinner, go to clubs, and do just about everything together. We'd stay up late and chat about everything. The best thing about Lori and I are that not one person from the job knows what's going on. Even though we talk at work now and leave memos for one another. The people at work think we're nothing but friends. They didn't know that it was blossoming into something more. Weeks turned into months. We had been steadily dating. More so, she moved in. Her mother kept her cats and she began helping me with bills and grocery bills and all sorts of other financial things. I have never been able to live with someone. I've always consider myself to be someone that no one in their right mind could live with. I wasn't immaculately clean. I had a cat. I like to just chill and watch TV. But Lori and I? We worked so well. What I lacked, she made up for and vice versa. You can see where I'm going with this right? We're dating. We're falling in love. So what I'm going to do now is jump right to when it happened. When everything happened. When life happened.
I was out. It was a week before x-mas. The tree was up and the house was full of this warmth. That warmth that x-mas brings, you know? So like I said, I was out. I was trying to find something for Lori. I wanted something nice, but not to mushy. I decided to buy her a gold necklace with a little gold heart of the chain that had a small diamond in the middle. It wasn't expensive, but it wasn't cheap. I pulled into my parking space and shoved it in my glove box. It was around 8-something at night and I wasn't sure if Lori might have dozed off on the couch, so I was quiet coming in. When I walked in, the whole house was dark expect for the illuminating white lights from the tree in the corner of the living room. I walked in and checked the couch. Lori wasn't there. 'Lori?' I called out. 'In here.' She yelled back. I walked through the kitchen and saw a faint light glowing from the bedroom. When I walked in and opened the door, I saw the whole room aglow with candle light. Lori was sitting in the bed in a pair of PJpants and a white t-shirt. I know it doesn't sound all steamy. But to me, it was the sexiest thing I had ever seen. She had a big smile on her face while her eyes danced in the candle light. 'Hey.' I said. Lori walked over, took my hands, and lead me to the bed where we sat down. She looked at me. Her eyes were soft and warm. She put her hand up to my face and leaned in. When my lips met hers, my heart exploded in a rapid pounding as if it was about to burst fourth from my chest. I put my hands on her face and pulled her into me. Then she took her hands, placed them on my back, and moved me to the head of the bed. We hadn't even broken the kiss. She laid down on top of me. I could feel her body tremble, so I knew she was as nervous as I was. We laid there together kissing and touching. Finally she sat up and pulled me up with her. We kissed a little more as her hands found there way to my shirt. Gently she lifted it over my head. Then she reached back with her finger tips and unhooked my black bra. She broke the kiss and looked deep into my soul. She leaned her head down and began kissing my neck. My chest. My stomach. I closed my eyes and bent my head back to let the feeling of her lips on my skin take over. She stopped for a second to take off her own shirt. When she did that, she went back to kissing. My hands roamed all over her back and her neck. Like I was trying to somehow become one with this woman. She then put the palms of her hands on my shoulders and eased me back onto the bed. She started kissing and sucking down my neck all the way to the rim of my jeans. Her fingers undid the button and the zipper. She easily slipped them off of my legs leaving me laying naked and exposed to her. My head swam from the candle light and the glow of her body. She slowly took off her pants as well and pressed her body onto mine. My hands were running all over her now. I was hungry for her. I wanted her in every way. She lightly bit my neck as one of her hands trailed down my chest, over my stomach, and to my thighs. I was ready, but I must not have been prepared for what was awaiting me. Her fingers began to dance over me and, without warning, she slipped one inside. I inhaled sharply and my hips involuntarily pushed against her hand. She slid down my naked body and began sucking on my right nipple while moving her finger at a steady pace. As she moved to my left nipple, she slipped in a second finger. This made me inhale again. My hands were going through her hair and my body was quivering. I wanted more. More fingers. More touching. More kissing. More of everything she was able to give me at that moment. After a few minutes, she slipped in another finger. That did it. My head went blank and my body was moving on its own. As my breathing quickened, so did her rhythm. When I opened my eyes, she was looking at me, watching me. Watching what she was doing to me. We locked eyes. Still looking at her, I began to moan. And as I did, she began to move faster and harder. Now my hips were bucking at her. Thirsty to meet her fingers and get them as deep inside me as possible. Our eyes were still locked as my hips and thighs thrashed. She was breathing as heavy as I was. I could feel her against my leg. She was just as wet as me. Just as I was about to come, she slipped in a fourth finger and that sent me over the top. My moaning volume increased and she thrust into me harder each time. My nails were digging into her back. My eyes closed and she put her hand behind my head to pull me to her while she fucked me. Her thumb found its way to my clit and at that very moment, I came and I came hard.
I woke the next morning wondering if last night had been a dream. I got my answer when I found myself tangled around Lori as she slept. I smiled to myself and stifled my happy giggles. I slipped out of her grasp and into the bathroom. I studied myself in the mirror. I looked weird to myself, because I was happy. I've never really been happy. Or at least happy like this. I couldn't stop smiling and I was literally glowing. I got in the shower and proceeded to wash. As I did, I heard the bathroom door open. 'Hey you' I said thinking it was Lori. 'Becca?' said a familiar voice. Too familiar. Oh god. No, it can't be. There is no way. I waited a second thinking my mind was playing tricks on me. 'Becca, is that you?' the voice said again. My mind was right. I wasn't crazy. 'Hi mom.' I said as I silently sobbed to myself.
Don't get me wrong. My mother is a wonderful person. She is very supportive of my 'alternate lifestyle' as she calls it. Always wanting to meet the girls I'm with and have them over for dinner. She likes to talk to them. Non-stop. About everything. She will pry into every aspect of their lives. That's all well, but I was really nervous about her doing it to Lori for some reason. Lori and I have never really talked about my family. I normally TRY to keep that part of my life private until I think the timing is right. But my mother always wants to know what's going on in her little girl's life. She has to know everything. I love my mother. I love her very much. But god help poor Lori. There isn't going to be a thing she can hide from my mom. She can get people to talk very easily and has a knack for telling when people are lying. Probably because I lied so much.
'Are you smoking pot?'
'No, mom. Do we have any cheetos? I'm starving.'
'Did you go to that heavy metal concert last night?'
'WHAAAT?! I CAN'T HEAR YOU RIGHT NOW! MY EARS ARE RINGING FOR SOME REASON NOT PERTAINING TO THE HEAVY METAL CONCERT THAT I DID NOT ATTEND LAST NIGHT!'
'Are you drunk?'
'Mo, nom. Why think would you that?'
And so on.
'Becca! Get out of the shower and hug your mother!' she shrieked. 'Okay' I said, 'but can you turn around?' She laughed. 'Oh honey, it's nothing I haven't seen before.' I rolled my eyes and sighed. 'You haven't seen me naked since I was like 10, Mom.' I said to her. 'Oh alright.' She finally agreed. God, that was like pulling teeth except that was more painful. I stepped out of the shower and hurriedly wrapped a towel around my body. My mother turned back around and embraced me in a huge hug. 'I've missed you!' she said. 'Mother, it's only been one month since you've seen me.' I told her. I moved to my apartment a while ago. But I was only about two hours away from her. She works a lot though, so we never see each other. She let me out of her bone crushing hug and scanned me. 'How've you been, sweetie?' she asked. 'Fine, mom. Really good.' I replied. 'I'm going to go get dressed now. You can just sit in the living room. Or you know-wander the house and clean it like you always do.' She smiled. 'That I shall.' She said. I walked into the bedroom. Lori was rousing from her sleep. 'Hey, babe.' She said in a sleepy voice. 'My mother's here.' I blurted. 'What!?' she almost yelled. She flew, literally flew, out of bed and began looking for her clothes. 'Why didn't you tell me she was coming!?' she said while she scrambled. 'I didn't even know!' I said. 'I was in the friggin' shower and she just showed up in the bathroom.' We both got dressed. 'Get behind me and while I walk into the living room, you can duck out in the bathroom until I tell her.' I said. She got behind me and we walked out of the bedroom. Mom was sitting on the couch with her back to us. We almost made it to the bathroom when she said, 'Are you going to introduce me to your friend?' She's spooky like that.
I gritted my teeth and swaggered into the living room with Lori behind me, shaking like a leaf. 'Mother' I forced myself to say, 'This is Lori. Lori, this is my mother. Okay let's go!' I grabbed Lori's hand and tried to make a break for it. 'Now hold on, Becca.' My mother crooned. 'I want to get a good look at her.' Goddamnit. My mother uprooted herself from the couch and walked over to Lori. Then she started walking around her. Scanning her. Looking at her face and her arms. Touching her. 'Mom, she's not a piece of produce. She's a woman. Could you please stop checking to see if she's ripe.' I asked as nicely as I could. 'I just want to make sure she's right for you.' She said. Lori stood there as if she was a weak gazelle being checked out by a hungry lioness. 'Well,' my mother began, 'I have to say that out of all the girls Becca has been with-and that's a lot'' 'MOTHER!' I yelled, but she continued on, 'You're defiantly the most attractive.' Lori turned red and tried to hide her face. My mother spoke again. 'Would you like to have lunch with me today? Maybe we could talk and get to know one another.' Shit. 'Mom, I don't think---' But Lori cut me off. 'I'd love to.' She said eagerly. There was a dull thud as my jaw hit the floor. 'Great.' Mom said. I looked at Lori who just stared at me and smiled that evil grin. 'Lori, can I talk to you?' I asked. Before she could answer, I had her by the arm dragging her into the bedroom. When I closed the door, I let loose. 'What is the matter with you!? THAT'S MY MOTHER!!! Did you not hear me tell you that!? Not my sister. Not my cousin. Not my cool aunt from California. My mother! The woman who gave birth to me. The woman who takes the greatest pleasure in telling all my friends about the time I was 3 and pissed all over the mall Santa Clause!' I shouldn't have said that out loud. Lori giggled and began her speech. 'Your mom seems nice. Not to mention, is it so bad for me to hear about your childhood stories? We all have them. You pissed on Santa? I puked all over the easter bunny. See, we're even.' I let out a sigh, because I knew I wasn't going to win this. 'It'll be okay.' She said as she moved toward me. I turned around and went to open the door, but she pushed it closed again. When I had turned back around to see what the hell she was doing, she had me pinned against the door.