Jan 10, 1968
To My Dearest Darling Tim,
I know you’ve just left this morning, and I won’t know where to send this until you get to wherever they’re taking you, but I have to do something or I’ll just start crying again. Once I get your first letter, I’ll put all mine in an envelope and send them off.
I’m going to write every day, even if it’s just a little, so you remember that you have a wife here at home who misses you so much it hurts. You’ve only been gone for ten hours, but it already feels like ten years. I wish we could have had more than those few days together before they took you away from me. It just isn’t fair, but I know you couldn’t do anything about it. If we’d been married a little longer than six months, it might not seem so bad. At least we got to spend Christmas together.
I should be telling you stuff that will make you happy, instead of complaining. Sorry.
It was nice of your mom and dad to let me move in with them. It was really hard making the rent on our apartment when you got drafted, even with the money you sent. I’m going to try to get a better job as soon as I can. I like your mom and dad, but it feels like I’m imposing on them. As soon as I can make more money, I’ll find a little apartment and they can have their house back. I won’t need a very big place if it’s just me.
Sleeping in your old room, right in your old bed, makes me feel a little closer to you, but it’s not the same as having you there with me. It has been fun looking at all your stuff, though. I was cleaning out your closet this afternoon (you were a pig, did you know that) and I found your collection of nudie magazines. You should be ashamed of yourself. I know you’re not, but you should be. What I’d really like to know is how those models manage to walk upright. Their boobs are as big as cow udders. Mine sometimes get in the way when we make love, so I can’t imagine how they ever get close enough to a man to do it.
Your mom made spaghetti for dinner, and we went for a walk afterwards. She’s really worried about you. Your dad says you can take care of yourself, just like he did in WWII. I’m with your dad, but I’m still afraid.
Well, I have to get to bed or I’ll never make it to the dime store on time. I love you very much, and I’m so proud that you’re defending our country.
Jan 11, 1968
Something just awful happened today. I went to work and everything went pretty well until I went to close out my register. I was a dollar and twenty cents short! Mr. Windom was a little mad at me.
Even he couldn’t figure out how it happened, but I still had to make up the difference. At least I didn’t mess up like Jenny. Gwen told me Jenny was short ten whole dollars the week we were gone. Jenny thought she was going to get fired. She started to cry and Mr. Windom finally said she could keep her job if she paid all of it back. She’s being really careful, now. I guess I’ll have to be really careful too.
We had pot roast for dinner. Your mom makes the best pot roast. I’m going to get her to give me her recipe, so I can make it for you when you get home. I’ll make you so much good stuff you’ll weigh six hundred pounds. On second thought, I’d better not do that. You’d mash me when we, well, you know.
I have to tuck myself in bed now. Wish you were here to do that.
Jan 15, 1968
My dearest Tim,
By the time you get this letter, you will have already read the other six I sent. It was really great to know you got there OK, and that I have a place to send my letters now. I was beginning to wonder if the Army was ever going to tell me where they put you.
I went up to the library to find out where you are. They didn’t have a very good map, but I found Khesanh on it. It doesn’t look very big, but I guess in such a backward country, they all live in little towns so they can raise rice everywhere else. That’s what the encyclopedia said they grow in Vietnam. I still remember that chicken and rice I made before you went to the Army. It was kind of funny how you picked every little grain off your chicken. I know I got mad, but I was more mad at myself than at you. I should have asked if you liked rice. Hey, maybe when you come home, you’ll like rice after all.
On the news, they said there’s going to be a cease-fire. I guess those commies have to have their holidays, just like we do. I wish they’d have a holiday every day of the year. That way, I’d know you were safe.
Your dad says the Army shouldn’t trust them if they know what’s good for them. He says they’re just waiting, and they’ll make a sneak attack just like at Pearl Harbor. I wanted to tell him that the Army has all sorts of ways to find out when an attack is coming, and you wouldn’t get caught by surprise. You told me all about that stuff you learned in AIT. I wanted to tell him, but I didn’t. He’s pretty convinced he knows what’s going on, since he fought on all those Pacific islands.
I can hardly wait until you send me the pictures you took. I hope you took some of you, too. I’m going to start a scrapbook of all the pictures you send me. I’ll borrow your dad’s camera and take some, and I’ll put them in there, too. That way, we’ll have them to remind us of this time. Your mom did that when your dad went to the Army. Well, you already know that, don’t you? She got it out last night, and we looked at all the pictures. Your dad used to be skinny, and so was your mom. I guess she cooks too well for them to have stayed that way.
She says hers is from having kids. Well, I’m not going to get big when we have children. I don’t care what it takes, I’m going to get back to the same size as before. It just wouldn’t do to have you looking at other women, now would it?
Speaking of kids, your sister brought her two over this evening. They’re so cute. Billy crawled up in my lap and asked where Uncle Tim was. I told him you were in the Army, and I taught him how to salute. He saluted your dad the rest of the night. I held little Debbie while we girls all talked. It was really nice. She’s so tiny and soft and sweet. I know we’ll have to wait a while after you get home, but I really want to start a family. I want my own little baby to cuddle. Of course, I’ll still cuddle with you, but that’s different.
I’m lying on the bed while I write this and I keep yawning. I’m going to have to stop or you’ll never be able to read what I write. If you were just here, it would make going to sleep so much easier. Well, you’d probably want to mess around, so I wouldn’t get to sleep very early, but I’d sleep a lot better.
I put a big lipstick kiss on this letter, just to let you know how I’m feeling right now. I love you so much, and I can’t wait until you come home to me. Then I can give you the big hug ( and everything else) that goes with the kiss.
Love and Kisses to my big brave husband,
Jan 25, 1967
I got your letter today, and was I ever thrilled with the pictures. Those little kids are just so cute, and the scenery is wonderful. All those mountains and trees! On the news, all we see is where you’re fighting, and that isn’t very pretty. At least the Army isn’t completely destroying the country. One thing I don’t understand is how the women can wade in those rice paddies. Yuck!!!! There must be all sorts of icky, slimy things swimming around in there, and they’re out there in their bare feet. You wouldn’t catch me doing that.
You look so tough in your fatigues and holding your rifle, just like the guys in those war documentaries your dad keeps watching on TV. You’ll have to tell me who those other guys are. Maybe, if they were stationed here at the base, their wives still live here and I could contact them. It would be nice to know some other women whose husbands are over there. We’d have a lot to talk about.
What is that picture on your tent wall? It looks like a naked woman, but she’s got squares drawn all over her body. You’ll have to explain that to me before I get jealous. I’m the only woman you’re supposed to see naked. Ha Ha.
Well, guess what? They had an opening at the shoe plant, and I got hired. I’m working on the graveyard shift, but I’m making almost twice as much as at the dime store. I’m supposed to get a raise after my probationary period, too. We are making those jungle boots that you’re wearing in your picture. You guys must be using up a lot of them, because we’re working overtime just to keep up with our orders. Right now, I’m just packing the boots into big boxes, but Mr. Vance, my supervisor, says he’s going to teach me how to do the other jobs. Then I can get on piecework, and make even more.
I went to look at an apartment today. I was a little early for the appointment, and I ran into Gail Raddison. Well, her name’s Gail Marshall now. She was looking at the same apartment. You remember Gail, I’m sure. She’s one of the girls I ran around with in high school. You’d remember her because of her chest. All you guys just about lost your eyeballs when she walked by. She looks OK as a blond instead of a brunette, but I think she looks a little hard, if you know what I mean. She also dresses a little on the wild side. She had on a miniskirt that was way to mini for me. She bent over to look under the sink, and her panties showed. I’d be scared to death to wear anything that short.
Gail’s Mom moved to Louisville right after our junior year and we lost track of each other. I didn’t know it, but Gail got married a week after we did. Well, it turns out her husband is in the Army, too, and he’s stationed in Saigon. She’s pretty sure he’ll come back to Ft. Campbell, since he’s in the 101st Airborne, so she decided to move back to Oak Grove. We got to talking and decided we’d find a two-bedroom and share the rent. It will be nice having someone my own age to talk to, not to mention feeling safer since I won’t be by myself. Well, we finally found one in Hopkinsville, and we’re going to start moving in on Saturday.
You haven’t written about being in any fights yet. It’s all right with me if you never are, but I suppose that has to happen one of these days. Your dad says you probably won’t tell me about any thing that happens to you. I can live with that as long as you come home to me safe and sound. Just take care of yourself, OK?
It’s almost noon, and I have to get to sleep. I know that sounds funny, but I have to sleep during the day. It was hard the first week, but I’m getting used to it now. I’m going to have to find a different job when you get home. I don’t want to be asleep when you’re awake, and at work when you’re in bed. I want to be awake when you are, and in bed when you are. Notice I didn’t say asleep?
Hugs to my big guy, and lots of kisses
Feb 17, 1968
To my wonderful, brave husband, Tim
We were all worried sick when we turned on the news and saw that a big battle had broken out right where you’re stationed. Then, when I didn’t get any letters, and neither did your Mom, we were scared something had happened to you. Your dad kept saying you couldn’t write and shoot at the same time, and that we shouldn’t worry, but I could tell he was scared too. It made us all breathe a lot easier when we got your letter.
Darling, I don’t know what to say to make you feel better about your two friends who got killed. I asked Reverend Ames about it. All he said was that, sometimes, we’re not supposed to understand why things happen, but that everything happens for the best. That didn’t seem like a very good answer to me. I doubt their parents think it was for the best that they died. It sounds like they were really good soldiers and that you were very close.
This isn’t a good time to tell you this, but I know you’d want to know. Glenda Mason, the girl who was dating Tommy Prince, heard from his mother that Tommy got killed in Saigon on the same day as your friends. Gail and I went over to her house and sat with her for a while last night. She’s just about gone to pieces. Tommy was supposed to get home next month, and they’d decided to get married right after that. Glenda had already bought her dress, and she and her mom were planning the wedding. About all we could do was hug her when she was crying, and try to talk to her when she wasn’t. I was feeling pretty bad when we got back to our apartment.
I’m about to cry right now, so I’d better close or I’ll smear all my ink. I prayed that you’d be all right, and my prayers were answered. I love you so much, I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to you. I know it’s selfish and probably a sin, but I thanked God that it was the others and not you that got killed. I don’t think I could live without you.
With all my love,
Mar 21, 1968
To Tim, the love of my life,
Well, I’ve been writing the same old boring stuff to you for weeks, and even though you say you like hearing it, it’s fun to be able to write something different.
I found out something the other day. Gail plays with herself, and I’m not talking about solitaire. I feel kind of funny telling you this, because of the way it made me feel. Here’s what happened.
I got home from work about eight, and I was trying to be quiet since it was Gail’s day off. I was tiptoeing to my bedroom when I heard this groaning coming from Gail’s room. She sounded like she was sick or something, so I went to her door. It was open a little bit and I peeked in. She was lying there naked and she had her massager on her hand. I told you about that massager, remember? You put your hand through some spring things and the massager goes on the back of your hand. She used it on my back one night when it hurt, and it felt pretty good. Well, anyway, she had it on her hand and had her hand down between her legs. She groaned again, and pushed herself up off the mattress. When she was up in the air, I could see that she had her fingers right up there inside herself. She reached up and pinched herself on the breast, right on her nipple, and the sound she made was really weird. Then, she gasped and started to shake all over. After one more groan, and she sort of relaxed, but she kept her hand down there. Every once in a while, she’d push up her hips and make a little moaning sound. When she shut off the massager, I tiptoed back to our front door, opened it really fast, and then closed it pretty hard. I was almost to my bedroom when she came out of hers and went down the hall to the bathroom.
She was still naked. Gail walks around our apartment naked a lot. The first time she did it, I must have blushed because she asked me what was wrong. I said it was kind of embarrassing to see her naked. She just said we were both girls so it was all right. I’d pretty much gotten over it since then, but after what I saw this morning, it just won’t be the same.
We had a little talk about what we were going to do on the weekend, but I’m afraid I was pretty distracted. She was sitting there on a kitchen chair, and her hair, down there, was all sticky looking. She still had her stuff all over her. I smelled this really faint scent, kind of like I smell down there, but a little different. Gail didn’t notice, or at least she didn’t say anything. She just kept talking like nothing was the matter. I guess everything was fine with her, but I felt really embarrassed.
I told you it made me feel funny, and it did. I’ve been trying not to think about sex since you left. Mother said it would be easier that way. When I saw Gail doing that to herself, it brought back all those memories of you and me making love. I’ve been all worked up since then, but unless I start doing what Gail does, I’ll just have to stay that way, I guess. I just wish you were here. I want so bad to feel that way, like Gail did this morning. I was almost able to get there every time just before you had to go to Vietnam. God, do I ever wish you were here. I need to feel your touch and your kisses so much.
Whew, I need to go take a cold shower. Gail says it’s because I started yesterday. She says she’s really, you know, horny, when she’s having her period. I never thought about it before, but I guess she’s right. We never did anything then, at least together, but it felt good to help you out, so I guess that was enough for me. Right now, I’d probably rape you if you were here.
I’m surprised I wrote that, the part about raping you. It just isn’t like me, or at least, it isn’t like I used to be. I know you got frustrated sometimes when I didn’t want to do it, and now that you’re so far away, I tell you that I’d like to rape you. Well, Honey, you just wait until you get home. I’m never going to turn you down again. You might even be wanting to turn me down before I get enough of you.
Well, I’m going over to your mom and dad’s for dinner before I go to work, so I’d better get some sleep. I’ll be thinking about you in my dreams, my big, strong guy.
I love you with all my heart,
Mar 31, 1968
My Darling Tim,
The news says your fighting again. I hate to say it, but I’ve kind of gotten used to it in some ways. We see the war on TV every night, so it’s almost getting to be like some movie that never ends. I know it isn’t the same. You’re over there and people are shooting at you and you’re shooting back
After they show about the war, they usually show a protest somewhere or other. I understand what those hippies are trying to do, but it doesn’t seem right to go against the President. I have to believe he knows what he’s doing, or else he wouldn’t be the President, right?
Your dad is starting to criticize the Army for the way they’re running the war. He thinks it’s crazy to go out and fight for some hill, and once we’ve won it, just walk away. He thinks we ought to have a front line, like they did in WWII. The other night, he said there are enough of you to line up side by side and march from Saigon up to Hanoi, and he doesn’t know why the Army doesn’t do just that. He still thinks the Army should have known about the Tet Offensive. That’s what they call it on TV – an offensive. I thought it looked like a pretty big battle. I think your dad just worries about you a lot. He doesn’t understand that this war isn’t like WWII.
I was a little surprised by the last part of your letter. I already knew there were prostitutes in Vietnam. Your dad was good enough to tell me that prostitutes are around all military bases, bless his little heart. As if I didn’t have enough to worry about with people shooting at you. I guess it’s good to know that you’re taking care of your “urges” by yourself instead of going to one of them. I know you used to do that sometimes, at least until we got married, and that you liked to have me do it for you. I don’t know if I can do what you suggested, though. Mother caught me doing that once and told me it would make it hard to enjoy being with my husband. I never did it again. I don’t really believe she was telling me the truth, but I still hear her saying that whenever I touch myself there. I don’t know. I’ll think about it.
If Mother was telling the truth, Gail is going to be in bad shape by the time Luke comes home. Now that I know what she does, I seem to hear her every morning when I come home from work. She has to hear me come in the door sometimes, but she doesn’t stop or even try to be quiet about it. Maybe I’ll ask her what she thinks about your idea. I’m sure she can give me some pointers. Ha, Ha.
She makes me wish you were home. It sounds like she’s really enjoying herself with that vibrator, and I want to feel the same way, but from you. If I think really hard on a really dark night, I can still feel you lying beside me. Sometimes, I take the extra pillow and hug it and pretend it’s you, but it’s not the same thing. It’s just soft feathers that don’t do anything. You’re all hard muscles that make me feel safe and warm. I miss everything about you, Darling. I miss your scratchy face when you kiss me in the morning, and I miss the way your shirts smelled when I used to wash them. I miss having the little hickeys you used to make on my breasts. I’ll never be mad at you for making them again.
God, I’m in bad shape, I guess. I started out being afraid of having sex with you. Just before you left, I was really starting to like it. Now that I can’t have it, I need it so bad. I need to feel your body mashing me down on the bed. I need to feel the hair on your chest scratching my nipples. I need to feel your hard shaft moving inside me. You’re probably thinking I’ve gone nuts, and you’re right. I’m nuts about my guy and how he makes me feel.
I love you to pieces, and I wish you were here so bad. I guess I’m what Gail calls “horny as a toad”.
Apr 3, 1968
Well, I’m supposed to go shopping with your mom. We’re going to find a present for your dad’s birthday. He’s so hard to buy for. He already has everything under the sun in the way of tools and toys. We’ll probably get him some of those cigars in metal tubes again, like at Christmas. Your mom’s having a party for him tonight.
I really don’t feel like going, but I will. He was really helpful when our bathtub stopped up. He came over that night and got it working again. Since then, he’s been checking up on us about once a week or so, just to see if we’re all right. I think it’s because Gail never wears much in the way of clothes when she’s at home, and he’s hoping for a peek. Now I know where you get it, Sweetheart.
Sometimes, I honestly think she’s trying to turn him on. This morning, he came over to work on our car, and Gail decided to wash hers. She came out in this little bikini that barely covered her big boobs. The bottom was pretty skimpy too. Of course, she got all wet in the process and the bikini stuck to her like a second skin. I was out there helping him, and it was so funny. He kept looking up from the engine so he could see her. He hit his head on the hood when she bent over to get her sponge out of the bucket. Would you believe it, her big right boob fell out of her top and you could see her nipple and everything just hanging there in the open. Gail just looked at your dad, smiled real big, and stuffed her boob back into the top. I tried not to laugh, but I’m afraid I chuckled a little, because he gave me this really strange look, and went back to work on the car.
After he left, I asked Gail if she wasn’t just mortified that he’d seen her. She just laughed and said it was OK because he’d liked it and that your Mom was probably going to get the f---ing of her life that night. Gail says the f-word all the time. I guess they must do that in Louisville. They must like showing their boobs to older men, too.
Well, your mom will be here soon, so I’ll finish up so I can mail this. I love you so much it hurts, and I can hardly wait until you get off that plane in Nashville next January. If you’re lucky, I’ll let you get me out of the airport before I jump on you. If not, well, the people in the airport are going to get a real sight. Hee Hee.
I love you with all my heart,
Apr 4, 1968
Hi, my big sexy hunk of man,
Well, I went to the party last night. We did get your dad some cigars, and he seemed to like them a lot. He smoked one right away and I kinda liked the smell. They a lot better than those cheap ones he buys by the box. I’m sure my clothes smell like that, so I’ll have to throw them in the wash this weekend. Women will never smoke cigars. Nobody would want a woman who smells like cigars.
I forgot to take one of your mom’s bowls back to her when I went to the party, so I went back over this morning before church. I think Gail was right. I’ve never seen your mom so happy that early in the morning. She kept hugging your dad and fussing around him like an old hen with a new chick. I’ve felt like that before, and I know what causes it. As Gail would say, your mom got f---ed silly.
They were still at it, if you can believe that. Your dad thought I wasn’t looking, but I saw him slip his hand up under your mom’s robe. She slapped his hand pretty quick, but she was giggling at the same time. Your dad kind of snuck his finger up under his nose like he was scratching, but I saw him inhale and smile. When you used to do that, I thought it was gross, but now…, well, Darling, I’m touching myself as I write this, and my scent is exciting me. It reminds me of those days before you left. I just wish you were home to stick your fingers up there, like your dad did to your mom. Mine feel pretty good, but it’s just not the same.
You haven’t told me much about what you’re doing over there, and your mom says you won’t. I guess your dad didn’t tell her anything about the Pacific until several years after he got home. She said he’d go down to the Legion Hall on Saturday afternoon for a couple of beers, and he’d talk to the guys there, but never to her. After a long time, he finally told her it was so horrible he just wanted to forget it. She said he never has, and still wakes up sweating in the middle of the night sometimes. When she asks what’s wrong, he just says he was back on Okinawa in his dreams.
Your Mom said she didn’t understand until she talked to her friend Grace. Grace’s husband had to go to a psychiatrist at the VA hospital in Nashville for a while after he came back. The doctor told Grace her husband was trying to come to grips with what he’d seen and done, but couldn’t do it without talking about it. He couldn’t talk to anyone who hadn’t seen the same things because they wouldn’t understand. Darling, I’ll try really hard to understand if you don’t want to talk. We see some of the things that happen on TV, but I know it’s much worse. Just know I’ll be here for you.
Well, that’s about all I have to say. Like always, things in Hopkinsville are moving pretty slow, so there’s not much to write about.
I love you more than anything, and I long for you to hold me in your arms. I miss you so much and I need to feel your body beside mine again.
All my love and thousands of kisses (and other things)
Apr 12, 1968
I sent off our income taxes today. The big refund is going to be nice. I was thinking of ways to spend it, but then I figured I’d just put it in the bank for when you get home. The TV we’re using belongs to Gail, so we’ll have to get one of those, and I thought we might go somewhere for a few days. I want to get to know you all over again, and I have a few things I need to have taken care of, if you know what I mean.
I’m worried about Gail. Last Saturday night, we went out together to a club where they teach line dancing. We learned two dances and I had a really good time. There were a bunch of women there, from the base who have husbands in Vietnam, so we had a lot to talk about when we weren’t dancing. There were lots of young guys there, and a few older men, and they kept asking us to dance. You know I don’t know any dances except slow dancing, and those are just for you, so it was easy for me to say no. Gail didn’t. She kept dancing with this one man who was about forty, and when they played a slow dance, one of the women at our table pointed at them, and said they ought to get a motel room. Gail was all over him. She did this thing where she straddled his thigh and rubbed herself on his leg through the whole dance. All the while, she had her breasts mashed into his chest, and the man had his hands on her hips. It wasn’t until we left that I noticed she wasn’t wearing her wedding ring. I asked her why, and she looked surprised. She said she had cleaned it and must have forgotten to put it back on before we left. I don’t believe her, because she went somewhere on Sunday afternoon, and took a shower as soon as she came back. She seemed really relaxed too. I don’t know if I can do anything about it, but I’m going to talk to her tonight. She ought to stay faithful to Luke.
I’m glad you wrote some about what you’re doing. Some of it really scared me, and some of it made me really mad. Walking point seems like you’re being the bait for the rest of your squad. I’m really glad you don’t have to do it all the time. Just be really careful, OK?
Gail just came out of her bedroom and she’s naked again. I’m going to stop writing and have my talk with her. I’ll let you know how it comes out.
I miss you so much, and I love you even more,
May 15, 1968
Dearest Tim, Love of my life,
I’m sitting here thrilled and embarrassed at the same time, and I’m really scared to tell you why. I won’t hide it from you, but I’m afraid you’ll hate me after you read about it. That’s why you haven’t gotten a letter for three days. I’ve been trying to decide how to say this.
Remember in my last letter, I said I was going to talk to Gail? Well, I did. What happened is why I’m scared. I’m writing everything out just the way it happened so you’ll understand, I hope.
Gail sat down on the couch and started to watch TV. I put your letter in an envelope and put on the stamp, and then went and sat down beside her. After a while, I asked her what was the matter. She didn’t know what I was talking about so I had to get more specific. I asked her why she’d been dancing so close to that guy in the bar.
Gail kind of hung her head, and said she knew it was wrong, but that she needed to have a man touch her so bad, and she couldn’t stop herself. She told me she and Luke had sex at least once a day, and since he’d been gone, she was going crazy. From what she told me, she’d planned the whole thing, from inviting me to go with her, to leaving her ring at home. She thought the ring would scare away all the men, and that I could “save” her if she got into trouble.
I asked her about where she’d gone on Sunday, and she got a little mad. She said it was none of my business. Well, she’s my best friend and I care about what happens to her, and that’s what I said. I told her I thought she’d gone to that guy’s house and had sex with him.
She looked at me a little funny, and then started to laugh. Then she said she couldn’t ever do that to Luke because she loved him too much.
I said it was just odd that she went somewhere on Sunday afternoon for a couple of hours and then took a shower as soon as she got home, because she always takes her showers at night.
Gail laughed again and said she’d tell me what really happened but she was going to fix herself a drink first. She asked if I’d like one too.
I never drink much, as you know, but Gail and I have some vodka and sometimes on the weekend, we’ll mix it with some with orange juice before we go to bed. It’s harder to sleep without you on the weekends because I’m not as tired as after I’ve been working, so a drink helps me fall asleep. Anyway, I said I would, because I wanted to keep talking with her about last Saturday.
Gail mixed the drinks pretty strong, like she always does, but mine tasted pretty good, and after a couple of swallows, I started to relax. Gail was getting relaxed too, so I thought it was a good time to get back to Saturday night.
I told her I knew it wasn’t any of my business, but that she was a good friend, and I hated to see her get hurt. Gail just laughed and said she couldn’t hurt anymore than she already did. Then she said I wasn’t one to talk because she’d seen me touching myself when I write to you. According to her, I should just keep doing that until I had an orgasm. Well, Gail really said “until I cum” (that’s how she says it’s spelled instead of “come”, like normal). She said she knew I’d seen her doing it, and I had to say yes I had, but I could never do that.
She just about floored me then. According to her, I’m all tense all the time and I get to be a real b---- when that time of the month comes around. I guess I am a little crabby sometimes, but I didn’t think I was that bad. Gail said she just wished I’d frig (another new word I learned that night) myself until I cum so I’d get back to being the person she moved in with.
Well, I argued that wouldn’t be the same as sex with you. She agreed it isn’t as good as being f---ed but “it gets the job done for a while”. Gail apparently did it even when Luke was home.
I just about fell over when she asked me if I knew how. I just looked at her, because I didn’t know what to say. I mean, I know what you always did to get me excited, but like I told you before, I’ve never done that to myself. It must have showed on my face or something, because Gail frowned at me and said she was sorry and that she thought I knew what to do but that I was just trying to wait until you came home.
Well, then she told me where she’d gone on Sunday. She didn’t go to that guy’s house. She went to Marsha Gillman’s house. Marsha is a woman we met at that club. Her husband is in the 101st Airborne, just like Luke, and he’s been in Vietnam for about ten months. She’s older than us, but she’s still really pretty. I figured Gail had gone over there to talk some more, but I was wrong. Gail said she and Marsha had something in common and asked if I wanted to hear what that was.
I said I guessed so, and Gail said she’d tell me, but we needed another drink first. I was only about half done with mine, but I finished it and she filled up our glasses. I think this one was stronger than the first.
Tim, you’ll never guess the story she told me. I didn’t want to believe it at first, but knowing what she does in the mornings, I’m sure she was telling me the truth. Remember that I told you Gail was studying to be a nurse before Luke got drafted? Well, she was in a class where one of the things they learned was how to change the sheets on a hospital bed while the patient is still lying there. They learned in class and they were supposed to practice at home. She got paired up with another student named Debbie, and they decided to practice at Debbie’s house. Gail and Luke only had one bed and it was a double. Debbie had a twin so it was more like a hospital bed.
I guess Debbie had more in mind than making the bed. Gail said they practiced a couple of times with one of them lying down and the other changing the sheet. Then, while Debbie was playing the patient, Gail accidentally touched her on the breast. Gail said the girl made a little moaning sound, and grabbed her hand to keep it there. When Gail asked her if something was wrong, Debbie said it felt really good to have Gail touch her there and she didn’t want her to stop.
Well, I’ve told you that Gail can be a little wild, and I guess she got pretty wild that night. By the time they finished, they were both naked and kissing and touching each other. Gail said it was the first time a woman ever kissed her on the lips and that she really liked it after a few tries. When Debbie kissed her down there, between her legs, Gail said it was wonderful.
That sounded pretty icky to me, and that’s what I said. Gail just laughed and said I shouldn’t knock it until I’d tried it. She asked me if you’d ever done that, and I answered that I wouldn’t let you because it seemed dirty. Gail said I was missing half the fun, and that I ought to do something about it.
Well, I told her I didn’t see how that was possible since you wouldn’t be home for another seven months, and I wasn’t about to do anything with another man
Gail just grinned and kept talking. She said that when she got home from Debbie’s, she dragged Luke off to the bedroom and f---ed him senseless. When he couldn’t get hard anymore, he asked her what caused her to be so sexed-up. Can you believe it? She told him about her and Debbie, and he said if it made her that excited she should keep doing it. Gail said she and Debbie got together a couple times a week until Luke got drafted. Since she’d moved here, she hadn’t seen Debbie again. Then she told me about Marsha.
Like I said, Marsha was with the group of women we sat with at the club. Sometime during the night, she and Gail ended up sitting beside each other at the table. We got to talking about how we were worried about our husbands and how much we missed them. Marsha said she could manage everything without hers except for one thing. I asked her what that was, and everybody started laughing. The reason was that Marsha had made a circle with her thumb and one finger, and was pushing the middle finger from her other hand in and out of the circle. Boy, was I embarrassed.
Gail told her there were other ways, and everybody laughed again because Marsha said she knew, but that made her electric bill too high. If I hadn’t seen Gail with her vibrator, I wouldn’t have known what they were laughing about, but since I had, it really was funny. Well, I guess when she said that, she put her hand on Gail’s thigh and left it there. Gail said she thought she knew what that meant, but that she thought she’d better make sure. When Marsha got up to go to the restroom, Gail went with her. While they were washing their hands, Gail asked her if she meant anything when she touched her thigh. Marsha said it could mean anything Gail wanted it to mean.
They exchanged phone numbers and addresses, and Marsha asked Gail to come to her house on Sunday. They made love for an hour and then just talked for a while. Gail told me Marsha asked her to come back next Sunday, and wondered if I’d like to come over too.
I told Gail I didn’t really didn’t think it would be right for me to watch her and Marsha, so I’d just stay home. She just laughed and said they didn’t want me to watch. They wanted me to join them. If I hadn’t been a little tipsy from the two drinks, I’d probably have told her off, but, well, all I said was that I wouldn’t have a clue about what to do. What happened next is what I’m scared to tell you, but I have to.
Gail scooted across the couch until she was sitting right beside me. She put her arm around me, gave me a little hug, and said she wouldn’t push me, but she’d love to have me go with her. I guess there aren’t any rules when one woman makes love to another one, because she said I could just do whatever I felt comfortable doing.
Gail kind of pushed me forward, and started rubbing my back. You know how much I love to have my back rubbed, and it felt really good. I have to admit it was also nice being hugged again, too. Nobody’s hugged me since you left, and I didn’t realize how much I’d missed it. After a while, she leaned back and said, “Now that wasn’t so bad, was it?”
I said I guessed it was all right.
Gail laughed and said of course it was all right. Then she started rubbing my back again. She kept going lower and lower until she was rubbing my waist. It was a little uncomfortable so I leaned forward. Her hand just slipped down and she was rubbing my butt.
She leaned in front of me and stared into my eyes for a minute, and then she kissed me. I didn’t know what to do, so I didn’t do anything. After a few seconds, she stopped kissing me and smiled. She asked me if that felt bad or good.
Well, Tim, to tell you the truth, it felt weird. I always loved kissing you but this wasn’t the same. It didn’t feel bad. It felt kind of good, actually, but I think that’s because Gail and I are such close friends. I just told her it didn’t feel good or bad.
Gail just said that was OK and that she’d felt the same way at first. Then she gave me another big hug. This time, she let her hands slip down my back until she was rubbing around my waist. She kept going lower and lower, and finally she was rubbing my butt again. That made me all tingly, almost like when you rub me there, and I must have relaxed a lot. Gail giggled and said she thought I liked that. Then, she slipped her hand under my T-shirt and touched me on the breast.
I was probably a little drunk by then, but I wasn’t that drunk. I grabbed her hand and told her I couldn’t do this. She just said it was OK, and that if I ever changed my mind, to just let her know.
I went right to bed after that, but I couldn’t get to sleep. I laid there thinking about what Gail had done, and how it made me feel. It was kind of nice, but it seemed like, well, like I was cheating on you. Then I thought it wouldn’t be cheating because she’s a woman, not a man, and she didn’t have any way to really have sex with me. It would almost be like I was doing it to myself, but just a lot easier. Gail said Luke liked her to do it. Marsha told Gail her husband knew, and he approved if he was gone for a long time, like he is now.
I remembered how it felt when she touched my breast. I got all tingly inside, almost like when you touch me there. I kept thinking I must be bad to have felt that way, but at the same time, I was curious as to what it would be like. I’m just all confused about the whole thing. I’m ashamed of feeling this way, and ashamed that I’ve even written you about it, but I needed to talk to somebody. I can’t talk to either your mom or mine about it.
Well, Honey, that’s what happened. I promise I haven’t done anything else, and I won’t. I don’t know if you’ll understand, or that you’ll even still love me anymore, for that matter. If there was anybody else I could tell, I wouldn’t worry you. You have enough to worry about without thinking I’ve turned into a lesbian while you’re gone. Believe me, nothing could be further from the truth. I think about you every night, and after that night with Gail, I decided I should do like you and take care of things myself until you get home. Just you watch out when you do get home. Gail has told me some of the other things she and Luke do, so I’m going to have a few surprises for you.
All my love to you, Darling. I hope you still love me.
May 25, 1968
On our wedding day, Julie Summers (one of your old girlfriends, remember) told me I was the luckiest girl in the world to have landed you. I didn’t know how true that was until I read your last letter. I’m floating on a cloud.
I didn’t know if you’d understand. To read that you do understand and that you still love me is just too wonderful to believe.
I suppose I should have guessed that you’d try to find Luke. I’m glad you did in some ways, and not glad in others. It’s embarrassing to know that you asked him about my “problem”, but I know you only did it because you love me, so it’s not so bad. Luke wrote to Gail about hearing from you. She’d told him about what happened between us, and he was afraid you’d beat him up or something. When you just asked him about how he feels about what she does, he was really relieved.
I don’t know if I’m ready yet, but it’s so wonderful that you love me and trust me enough to say it’s OK with you. It doesn’t surprise me that you want to hear about it if it happens. You have such a naughty mind. I think I’m starting to like your naughty mind. And don’t you worry about me changing sides, so to speak. When you get home, we’re going to a motel for at least three days. We’ll get one of those with a little kitchen. I’m not letting you out of my arms, or out of bed, even to go eat, for at least that long.
I think Gail is trying to entice me a little. Her mom sent her one of those instant cameras, and she took the pictures of me that are in this letter. I hope you like the bra and panty pictures. She tried to get me to be naked, but I was too embarrassed. She wasn’t. I’ve never taken pictures of a naked woman before last night, but Gail just stripped off all her clothes and started posing. You should see them. Well, no, you shouldn’t. They’re just for Luke. She’s as big as the women in your nudie magazines. I’m afraid I stared a lot. She’d shaved herself, down there.
Gail caught me staring at her and asked what was the matter. I told her I didn’t know women ever did that. She laughed that wicked little laugh of hers and said I should try it. Well, I hope you’re sitting down, because I did! That’s why you don’t see those little stray hairs peeking out around my bikini panties.
It feels funny because it’s so smooth. You’d probably like it as much as Luke likes it when Gail shaves. She says he doesn’t like picking the hairs out of his mouth when he licks her down there. I can appreciate that. There’s nothing as bad as having a hair stuck in your mouth. I know what you’re thinking, and no, I haven’t tried that yet. Like I said, I don’t know if I’m ready, or if I’ll ever be.
The other thing shaving did was make me even more horny than before. I keep touching myself there to see if it feels the same, and when I do, I get all warm and cuddly feeling. I also get really wet and have to change my panties. That night, I felt down there, and couldn’t stop myself. I’m afraid I’m in really bad shape, sex-wise. I kept thinking about what we used to do, and kept rubbing really easy, and before I knew it, I had an orgasm. Now, it wasn’t as good as when you’re doing it to me, but it was still good. I slept like a baby after that. I don’t think I’ll be needing that vodka and orange juice any more.
We’re going to take some more pictures tomorrow night after work. The film is expensive, but now that I’m on piecework, I can afford it once in a while. If I keep feeling like I do right now, you’re going to get me naked as the day I was born. I don’t know if I can pose like Gail, but maybe she’ll help me.
God, I need to have you here with me. There’s still seven months left before you land in Nashville. Don’t you dare get hurt over there. I’ll die if we can’t make love as soon as you get home. I’m going to fuck you senseless the first night. Yep, I said the f-word. I know why Gail says it now. It’s the only word that means what I want to do to you and what I want you to do to me.
Your horny little wife,
June 23, 1968
Hi, my big hunk of man,
I’m glad you liked the second set of pictures. It took all my courage and a couple of drinks to let Gail take those, but it was worth it when I read your letter. I also liked the other things you wrote. They made me all warm and wet again. It’s funny that we have to be thousands of miles apart to tell me things like that, and it’s even funnier how it made me feel. Would you believe it if I told you I didn’t even get half way through before I started touching myself? When I read what you wrote about sticking your cock inside me, I just came all over the place. It’s a good thing I was in my bed. There was a big wet spot on the sheets right under my hips. I’ve never done that before. I asked Gail about it. She just laughed and said she’d heard of women doing that if they’re really excited. She asked me how I did it because she wants to learn.
I don’t have the foggiest idea how it happened. It just did, and that’s what I told her. She said I’d have to demonstrate for her one of these days. I don’t know if I can do that or not, but if I can, maybe I’ll have her take a picture for you.
I can’t believe I’m using words like fuck, cock and cum. My mother would have washed my mouth out with soap if she’d ever heard me say those words. Somehow, they’re the only words that work. I don’t want to make love to you. I need to fuck you. I need to feel your cock deep inside me. I want to feel you sucking on my nipples, just like you wrote you’d like to do. I’m touching them now, and they’re really hard. If I squeeze them a little, I feel this thing in my tummy. It’s almost like I’ve touched an electric wire, but not as strong. If I keep doing that, I can almost cum. I never get to find out if I could finish that way. I have to close my eyes and imagine that you’re here with me. I use my finger to rub my clit and in a few seconds, I’m coming. I’ve had to do a lot of laundry lately, hee, hee.
Well, back to stuff that won’t give you a big boner (Gail is teaching me lots of new words).
Your mom came over to see me on Saturday. She’s worried about you, as usual, but she knows you’re doing OK because of what you write in your letters. I hope you don’t ever get mixed up and send her one you wrote to me. I hate to think of what she’d say about those.
She asked me to go shopping with her. She and your dad are going to Gatlinburg for the weekend. It’s their thirtieth wedding anniversary, just in case you forgot, and I know you have. Well, we went to the mall, and where do you think she went? To one of those shops that sells really sexy lingerie. She kept asking me what I thought about bras and panties and teddies. I can’t imagine my mother ever asking me something like that.
She whispered that she wanted to get something that would “make her look hot”. I thought she’d been reading too many women’s magazines, but I didn’t say that. I just told her it was hard to tell without seeing them on her. I about fell over when she dragged me into the dressing room with her. She tried on some stuff and kept asking me if they made her rear end look big. Well, she’s not skinny to begin with, but we found some things I think your dad will like. She settled on some mesh bras and some sexy little panties for daytime, and a really pretty teddy for night. I’m pretty sure your dad’s a lot like you, so I’m also sure they aren’t going to do much sightseeing. He isn’t going to want to see many sights other than her.
Well, Honey, Gail just got home from Marsha’s and she’s begging to tell me what they did, so I’ll close now. I know what she’s going to say will make me really horny. I’ll just have to go to bed early tonight. Wish you were here with your big strong hands and your big hard cock to take care of that for me. I know you wish you were here too.
All my love to my great guy,
July 5, 1968
I loved the pictures of you beside the tank. I really wish you could ride around in one of those instead of walking through the jungle. They seem so safe with all that metal. Your dad says they are unless they hit a mine. You told me about mines, so I guess you’re not very safe no matter how you get around.
Gail and I went to the fireworks at the base last night. We took a blanket and a picnic dinner so we could get a good seat. They were pretty, but I kept thinking about how you have those explosions all around you everyday, and the ones you have aren’t pretty. It made me a little sad. I missed you so much, because I remembered how we used to watch them on the Fourth.
When we got home, Gail asked why I was so quiet. I told her I was thinking about you. She gave me a hug, and it felt good, but I still missed you. I need you to hug me so bad.
Tonight, I’m still feeling like something’s missing from my life. I know that thing is you, Darling. It helps a lot to know that we’ll only be apart for six more months, but it still hurts that you’re not here.
I think I’m going to stop writing and go have a good cry. Gail does that too, usually right after she gets a letter from Luke. I know you men don’t understand why it helps to cry, but it does. I’ll write again tomorrow, just like always.
Sep 15, 1968
To my wonderful guy, Tim,
Wow, I opened your letter and saw that picture and it made me hot. I probably won’t put that one in our album. I’m going to keep it in my nightstand. It’s been so long since I saw your cock, I’d forgotten what it looks like. To see it all hard made my nipples tingle. When I read that you do yourself by looking at my pictures, it made me feel funny at first, but then I started thinking. If you pick my pictures over the ones in the nudie magazines, you must think I’m pretty hot stuff too. Then I got really sexy feeling and went out to buy some more film. I think Gail has corrupted me. I’m starting to like being corrupted. These pictures will show you just how horny and corrupted I’ve gotten.
I asked Gail to take the pictures last night. We started out with the ones of me on the couch. The one where I have my head thrown back with my mouth open was the last one we took there. Gail giggled and said we’d have to wash the couch if I went any further, so we move to my bedroom.
I really got into taking these for some reason. I kept thinking about the picture of your cock, and it made me want to do all kinds of things. Gail was even taken by surprise. She kept saying, “Damn, Shelley, you’re even turning me on.” I guess I must have been doing just that. I had an orgasm, and when I looked up, Gail had her clothes off and was rubbing her nipples.
I must have looked shocked. Gail just smiled and told me to keep going and not mind her. I couldn’t not mind her because she was making me hotter. After she took the one of me having an orgasm with my hips up off the bed, she put down the camera and laid down beside me. She said it was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen.
I never thought of it as beautiful. It just feels really great. After seeing the pictures, I guess it does look kind of nice. Anyway, she looked right in my eyes, and started rubbing her breasts again. Before I knew what was happening, she took my hand, put it on her breast, and squeezed. Her face was all soft, and her eyes looked really big. She moved her hand down between her legs and started rubbing herself.
I started to take my hand away, but as soon as I moved it a little, Gail moaned, so I stopped. She reached up and held my wrist to make me rub her breast. Her nipple was really hard, like mine get sometimes when I’m thinking about you, and it poked into my hand. It seemed to get harder when she rubbed my palm over it. Gail moaned again, and went back to rubbing herself.
It was kind of neat. I could make her make little noises just by touching her, so I tried some of the things you do to me. I pinched her nipple, just a little, and I thought she was going to jump off the bed. She said, “That’s right, do that again”, and spread her legs apart so she could get her fingers inside her.
I pinched her nipple again, and then I twisted it a little, like you like to do. She lifted her hips up off the bed and started to say “Yes, yes”, over and over. When I did it again, Gail had a climax, right there beside me. She was right. It was beautiful. When she stopped breathing hard, she said it had felt really great. It made me happy that I’d helped her out. Since Marsha’s husband came home, Gail hasn’t been able to be with her.
She gave me a big hug, and I have to tell you that hug felt really weird. I guess I felt what you feel when we hug, except her breasts are a lot bigger than mine. It was just odd to have two big soft boobs pushing against mine. I suppose it was from watching her, but my nipples were a little bit hard. Gail said they felt really nice. She reached between us and touched one of them very gently, and this little tingle ran all the way through me. I must have shivered, because she giggled, and said I must like that.
Well, I did, in a way. I’d much rather have you do that, but it did feel good. Gail did it again, and then kissed me. I didn’t have much choice because she was almost lying on top of me, so I kissed her back a little. Before I knew what was happening, I was kissing her a lot. She started rubbing my boob, and it felt really good.
Gail stopped kissing me and asked if I was all right with this. I said since you’d said it would be OK, I guessed I was. She grinned and said she was going to make me remember this night.
She laid on top of me and started kissing me all over. I about died when she licked my nipple. You know how sensitive I am there, and it felt like when you do that. I got this contraction down in my tummy and it made me wiggle my hips. She sucked on it a little, and I got that contraction again. Gail stopped and I tried to pull her back down, but she laughed and said she had better things in store for me.
She ended up by lifting my legs up and spreading them apart. I got pretty tense when she started kissing me on the inside of my thigh, but the longer she kissed, the better it felt and I finally just let my legs open up for her. I felt her thumbs pushing my lips apart and then she licked me there. The feeling was so intense I just about threw her off the bed. She giggled, and said, “See, I told you you’d been missing out.”
Gail kept licking and trying to push her tongue inside me. That was driving me crazy. I thought I would cum if she kept it up long enough. She didn’t want to wait that long. I felt her tongue going higher and higher until she touched my clit. I moaned and pushed back against her. She did it again, and then she put her lips around it. I couldn’t help myself. When she sucked just a little and licked it, I climaxed.
She didn’t stop. She just kept licking and sucking. I felt her slip her arms around my legs and start rubbing my breasts. She was already getting me there again, and when she pinched my nipples, I think I yelled. Gail lifted my boobs up by my nipples, twisted them both, and sucked really hard. I know I yelled then, and I felt myself get all wet down there when I had another orgasm. Gail kept sucking until I grabbed her head and begged her to stop.
She pulled herself up beside me and kissed me again. I wouldn’t have let her because of what she’d been doing, but Gail was too fast for me. I tasted myself on her lips. It surprised me because it wasn’t really bad. I even kissed her back again. I went to sleep with her hugging me.
Well, Darling, you said you wanted to hear about it when it happened, and now you have. I hope you’re not jealous or anything like that, because you shouldn’t be. It was nice, but I’d much rather have your cock inside me when I cum. It was just better than my fingers, just like I hope I feel better than your hand.
I hope you’re as hard as a poker and you have to go take care of yourself, because after writing all this, that’s just what I’m going to have to do. I’m going to look at that picture of your cock and just frig myself silly.
Gail says I have a nice pussy. (By the way, how did it get to be called a pussy? Maybe it’s the hair that I used to have down there.) Anyway, I’m going to keep it nice and shaved for you, just like it is in the pictures. You better be doing your tongue exercises as well as exercising your cock, too. I liked it a lot when Gail did that, and it will only be better when you do it. I want to look into your eyes when I cum. God, I need you.
Your really horny wife,
Jan 2, 1969
To my dearest Darling, Tim
I just hung up the phone after hearing your voice for the first time in thirteen months. I won’t need to mail this letter, since I’ll drive to Nashville to get you tomorrow. It’s just that I’ve gotten so much in the habit of talking to you this way that I thought I’d let your “pen and paper” wife say good-bye. Now, don’t you worry. Your flesh and blood wife will say hello tomorrow in a way you’ll never forget.
Luke got home last week. He and Gail went to Louisville to see her folks and then they are going to Knoxville for a week. When he walked into the waiting area, Gail screamed and just about knocked him down. She was grinning and crying at the same time. I cried a little myself. They had a long kiss and then we brought him home. I heard Gail moaning that night, and I knew it wasn’t from using her vibrator. It made me really jealous. I promise not to knock you down until we get back to the apartment.
It’s a little sad to be here all by myself, but I know that won’t last for long. It helps to know that you made it safely to Seattle and are finally on your way home. Your dad says you will have changed, and I know he’s right. I could see the change happening in your letters.
I’ve changed too, and I think you’ll like the change. You left a woman in Oak Grove who loved you very much. I knew I loved you, but I didn’t realize just how much I needed you. This year taught me that, and I’m never going to forget it. You’re going to see just how much I need you as soon as you get off the plane. I know your mom and dad will want to see you too, but I haven’t decided if I’m going to let them or not. I want to be really selfish and keep you all to myself in my bedroom.
Your mom is planning a dinner for you, but it will be the day after you get home. I think she understands how I feel and wants to give us some time alone. The other day, she asked me if I was on the pill again. She was worried that I’d get pregnant as soon as you got back, and said we ought to take a few months to get used to each other again. As you know, I went to the doctor before my last period, so I’m safe. I don’t want to get pregnant, not right away, but believe me, we’re going to practice a lot. I’m going to fuck you to death, well, almost, and then nurse you back to health so we can do it all over again. Your little wife has gone from being a naïve woman to something of a nymphomaniac, I’m afraid.
Speaking of practicing, just before Luke got home, Gail taught me something special. I won’t tell you what that was except to say that I’ve been practicing on a banana. Got the picture? I hope you like my big surprise. Gail says Luke loves it.
I want to get up early tomorrow, so I’ll stop writing. I want to be at the airport so I can see you get off the plane, just like Gail. After a year without you, all I can think to write is how much I need to feel your weight on top of me and your hard cock moving in and out of me, so my letters are probably getting pretty boring anyway. I can guarantee you won’t be bored when you get home. Gail gave me a book with lots of positions to try. Some of them look like we’d both have to be contortionists, but the rest look interesting. If we do one new one a week, we’ll get done sometime when we’re thirty. Then, we can start all over again.
Well, since this will be her last letter to you, the old Shelley will say good-bye. The new Shelley will be the one who brings you home tomorrow, home to stay for the rest of our lives, and home to be loved like you’ve never been loved before. I think you’ll like her.
All my love,