I wish I could say that today started like any other ordinary day. But it didn’t. Since the moment I woke up, I’ve had a nagging feeling that something would go wrong. Totally, absolutely, undoubtedly apeshit-wrong. Yeah, no kidding. Okay, let me rephrase that, because it doesn’t even come close to what I’ve been going through lately. Every day feels like the apocalypse could strike any moment, and I have no way to stop it. Even now, when I should be working my ass off for the few pennies I earn, I’m thinking about stupid things. Like my insanely hot boss. And if that wasn’t alarming enough on its own, my mind stopped working ages ago, my legs feel like jelly, and I’m convinced they could give in any minute now. And, to top it up, I have a huge, black pit in the bottom of my stomach, or shall I say heart? I’m pretty sure the two are connected. Any time I feel anxious about something, my stomach goes funny, and I end up being sick.
So, that practically means I’m off my game every single day now, or at least I have been the past year. But still, today is even worse than any of the previous ones, if that’s possible at all. Can we just skip to next year please? It’s not such a huge request now, is it? I only want to jump over the next few hours, considering it’s New Year’s Day. This in itself shouldn’t be cause for my hysteria, I know. But there is always more to the story, right? And my ‘more’ is what’s the problem. And he is walking up to me right now, as if to make things go from bad to poop.
Of course, If I met him under normal circumstances, on the street, or at a concert, I would have probably just ignored the sparks between us. What sparks? Sometimes I think we need a flamethrower, or a fire extinguisher – depending on the way you look at it, really. I would have just ignored them anyway, regardless of what they could lead to. But we didn’t meet under normal circumstances, nor did we ask for this all to happen. It was coincidence, if you believe in such things. I came here to work, and to work only. Well, try that when your boss is as hot as the guy you wished would come alive from the last steamy book you read. Yep, Sebastian is that heart-stopping and manly. And dangerous. And exciting. And irresistible. The only problem is that I somehow managed to resist him, despite everything. Yeah, so far so good, right?
The excruciating moment of waiting is suddenly over, and he walks past me, strong hands brushing my arms ever so slightly, making me twitch in my seat for what feels like the hundredth time today. His fingers linger for a moment longer than they should, and I can feel his hot breath at the nape of my neck. He is only teasing me, and I know I will never get him. And yet, my world stops to exist, all there is, at least in my mind and heart, is his touch. When he is gone, I will continue breathing, but right now, inhaling his masculine scent would send my senses into overdrive. Not that his touch hasn’t done a great job at that already, but his scent would be the last straw. It would be way too much to bear. I can’t jump his bones in the middle of the office now, can I? Even if there are only about twenty people present. Even if nobody would give a shit. I would, and probably that’s my biggest problem with the whole thing.
To the careless observer, these little flirtations could seem accidental, innocent even. They wouldn’t notice the secret looks, the longing in his eyes, neither would they know the sadness behind his smile. Our never-ending waltz would go unnoticed, probably even misunderstood. We have been at this cat-mouse game for almost a year now. Me trying too hard to stay unaffected by his charms, and him, well… What’s the right word?
He hasn’t exactly been trying to seduce me, that’s not the expression I’m looking for. As of today, his intentions are unclear, at least to me. One minute he pulls me too close, then he puts ten thousand miles between us. I guess this is when people say that someone is close, yet far away. I never understood that silly saying. Well, not until now. But even when he pushes me away, I look into his sea-green eyes, and it’s enough for me to know that somehow, somewhere, we are always connected. It might be hidden deep, it might not even surface in this lifetime, but it’s there, simmering underneath the surface. It’s a bond we never asked for, but neither of us is able to shake it. It’s unmistakable, and I can’t believe others aren’t seeing it the way I do. Or maybe they are simply being polite not mentioning it. Maybe they are already certain that the two of us jump between the sheets at every given opportunity. Yeah, I wish…
He wouldn’t miss a chance to touch me though, and I never object. True, I don’t encourage him, either. I never return his touch, not even once. I don’t react, I just stand there, frozen in the moment. Of course, he might be taking it as rejection, or just silent obedience. Sometimes I wonder whether I should return his touch though, because that’s all I can think of. God, I want to put my hands in so many different places, especially right now when his touch still lingers in my mind and on my skin. Not to mention what it does to my libido. But my feelings for him are just too intense, too overwhelming when he caresses my arms, can you imagine what it would feel like if he was touching me in more intimate places? And yet that’s all I dream about, day and night. And I’m sure he fantasizes about me, too. So, what’s the problem? Why doesn’t either of us make that move? Why be content with these brief touches, the longing glares?
The answer is simple, really. He is my boss, and I am his secretary. Having sex with him would mess everything up, and neither of us can afford that. I need this job to survive in the big city, and he needs me by his side. You can say that I know too much, and replacing me would be a pain in the ass for him.
“Natalie, can you come to my office, please?”
Oh, great, isn’t this how all the fun begins in stories? The sinfully hot boss locks the door, rolls down the blinds, and bangs the unsuspecting (but undoubtedly willing) secretary on the desk, doggy-style, throwing piles of paper, phone, pens and ‘I’m the Boss’ printed mugs on the floor. Oh, yes, I’ve read many steamy boss-secretary erotica stories since I started this job, and he actually happens to have such a mug. It can easily fall while we… I shake my head sadly, and a shiver runs through my core. A girl can dream, right? Even if nothing of that sort will ever happen in reality…
His command isn’t harsh, nor is his voice rude, and yet I feel like I have to obey. That one word is my undoing, and right now I feel like I would do anything he asked. Even my toes tingle, just by listening to him. First the touching, and now this. Like a dog that’s just been scolded for something he didn’t even do, I follow my boss into the oh-so-tiny office. You would think that the owner of a multinational company would have something a bit more glamorous. Not that I care about money, or anything flashy. All I’m missing right now is a bit of space to breathe. Oh, shit, as soon as I remember to take precious air into my craving lungs, his spicy cologne fills my nostrils, making me realise how bad an idea it was. A very bad idea. A cruel one, even. I try to recover from the erotic shock that’s still insulting my senses, and after breathing quietly for a few moments (and counting a thousand stars) I can actually smell something else, too. Yes, something is definitely in the air. Something familiar, yet annoyingly evasive.
I know I should say or do something, and yet I hesitate, standing at the entrance like a complete idiot, hands sweaty and shaking in my lap. He turns around, and as I still don’t move closer, he closes the already tiny space between us. My heart skips a beat as he tilts his head to the side, almost expecting an earth-shattering kiss. Luckily for me, before I could close my eyes in sheer anticipation, pouting like an idiot, he reaches behind me and pulls the door shut. It closes with a bang, and I jump out of my skin, biting my lower lip. He looks at it, hypnotized, but doesn’t make a move. He doesn’t even smile. The alarm bells are loud and clear, screaming at me that I should run. Far and fast. And yet I’m just standing there, in his tiny office, inhaling his intoxicating scent, falling in love with him a little more with every breath I take. Lovely. He is closer than ever, and yet it seems like he is miles away – again.
After what feels like a decade I finally find my voice, and bring my usual, somewhat more professional self to the game. It seems like at least my mind hasn’t gone puff yet, even if my whole body and heart did.
“How can I help you, boss?”
He shakes his head sadly.
“Just Sebastian. Please.”
Okay, this is going well. I clear my throat, do a little courtesy, just to take the weight off the situation (at least for me), and decide to play along.
“Sure thing. So, is there something wrong, Sebastian?”
He cringes when I say his name, and I wonder whether he feels the same way I do when he calls mine. I wonder if he wishes I breathed it into the darkness of a hotel room, when my breath would mingle with his in a passionate kiss… I shake my head, trying to get rid of the images of sweaty, crumbled sheets, but I can already feel the blush creeping up onto my cheeks. Sebastian raises an eyebrow, but seemingly ignores my embarrassment, and pretends to have heard only the professional question. He is a true hero, and a gentleman. Sadly, that probably also means there won’t be hot sex on his desk. Why does that have to make me feel so disappointed?
“Well, you could say that.”
Huh? He turns his back on me, walks behind his desk, then sits down, fiddling with his silky red tie. It takes me a few moments to acknowledge that he was answering my other question, you know, the professional one. The one I actually said out loud. Which makes my previous feeling of dread escalate into dangerous heights. Could this day become even more crap? He motions for me to sit down, and I do, once again looking at him questioningly. I know too well that it’s his turn to tell me what he wants me to know.
“I’m going to ask you something, and I want you to tell me the truth. Someone’s job depends on it.”
I gasp, but this shouldn’t take me by surprise. It’s probably my job on the line, no wonder. I’ve been too distracted by him the past months, and I might have missed something. I won’t even deny it. God, if he keeps looking at me like that, I will even admit to killing someone. But before I could jump up and confess to a crime I never committed, he continues, matter-of-factly.
“Did you have sex with James from accounting?”
I blink at him, trying to decide whether he is serious or not. I know he is asking because our company’s policy states that I can’t fuck my co-workers, but the question is still insulting. Partly because I have no idea who James from accounting is, and partly because if I did do something naughty, it would have been with the very person who is sitting in front of me. But clearly, I’ve been misinterpreting the signs. If he thinks that I had sex with some random guy, then he hasn’t been paying attention. Or is this his way of letting me know that he isn’t interested? I clear my throat, wanting to give him a proper, polite answer. A calm one. Yeah, well, at least the intension was there.
“Who the fuck do you think you are?”
I fold my arms in front of my chest, puffing my cheeks up, hoping to resemble a cobra, ready to strike. His sudden laughter makes me realize I rather look like a hamster who had too much to eat. Of course, this angers me further. But before I could answer my rhetorical question, he decides this is the time to make fun of me.
“Oh, come on. A beautiful and clever girl like you could have any guy she wanted. And rumour has it that you and James…”
He trails off, scratching the five-o-clock shadow on his chiselled chin, and I frown, arms still folded in defiance. Boss or no boss, I’m not prepared to take any more insults. He might have thought he could get away with it, just like he got away with those ‘secret’ touches. Nope, I’m not gonna make the same mistake twice. Or a thousandth time. Whatever.
“I don’t even know who James from accounting is. And besides, my love life is none of your business. Now, if you will excuse me...”
And with that, I jump up from my seat, turn my back on him and rush to the door. I reach it in two seconds flat, thanks to the tiny space. He might have been toying with my emotions all this time, but he won’t take my dignity. I reach for the doorknob, twist it, then twist it once more. Of course, I’m out of luck here, as always, making a complete fool of myself. The damn thing wouldn’t open, and for the thousandth time, I feel trapped. For completely different reasons than before, but the result is the same nonetheless. I let out a ragged breath, wanting this horrible day to end. But it isn’t over yet. Far from it, actually.
I try the door again, but alas, it wouldn’t bulge. Not even an inch. The only option left is to face my tormentor, come what may. I’m just about to turn around and demand my freedom, when strong hands grab my shoulders, robbing me of breath. His touch is as electrifying as ever, and I can already see the tiny stars and galaxies dance in front of my eyes, in all shades of pink, purple, red and orange. Is this love or complete madness? I guess a bit of both, and yet again, I’m afraid to think, let alone move. Why is he doing this to me? And even more importantly: how? I have dated many guys in the past, but nothing and nobody ever made me feel this way. His touch is too intense, his cologne too arousing, and his eyes… Oh, it’s always been those eyes…
“I’m sorry, Natalie.”
I shudder when he utters my name, and the familiar heat surrounds me, moves through me, touching every important organ in my body. Yes, that part as well. No, I wasn’t referring to my heart this time. He moves closer, his hot breath on my neck, his toned body pressed into mine. He’s never been so close. And he’s never apologised for what he did before. Not for the touches, I enjoyed those – maybe a little too much so. It’s what he said that hurt, as if threatening to undo every moment we shared. I want to forgive him, but I’m not the kind of girl who can be easily swayed. Doesn’t he get it?
“Just let me go. Please.”
I don’t sound too convincing, and he doesn’t pay attention, either. Instead, his expert hands travel down my arms, making the small hairs stand, and charging my nerves with electricity. I can’t help it, I close my eyes, imagining what those hands could do to me, if the circumstances were different. Well, aren’t they? He leans close to my ear, while his hands find their rightful place on my hips, pulling me closer. I gasp as his erection presses into my soft curves, while his husky voice caresses my senses.
“You thought I didn’t notice the way you shudder at my touch, every single time?”
As if to prove his point, his hands settle on my stomach, making slow, circular motions, with the promise of continuing their southward journey. Soon. Oh man, it can’t be soon enough. And yet, I can’t believe it’s finally happening. But it is. Oh hell yes, he is touching me in almost all the right places. Almost. Soon.
He begins caressing my skin through the fabric of my skirt, and I gulp, long and loud. He chuckles again, but then presses onto me harder, and his laughter is replaced by shallow breaths. I could swear the office is so quiet right now that people might hear us. Strangely enough, the idea that made me cringe once, now sends another rush of adrenaline through my core, tingling my spine. Sebastian sighs heavily, resting his forehead against the back of my head, nuzzling my hair. Needless to say, this motion sends another shiver down my spine.
“You thought you were the only one affected by it all?”
As if on command, his dick twitches behind me, and so do my panties in response. Who knows, maybe there is real magic in the world, as I could swear they are ready to do a Houdini on me and disappear. Oh, well, things could be worse. Or shall I say better? Suddenly all my will to fight him dissipates, giving way to something more carnal. Haven’t I resisted him long enough already? I know that this can’t last, but what the hell? Why can’t I enjoy it while it does? I can do casual. Yes, I can do no strings attached, hot, steamy sex. I might even do the Houdini act in the morning myself, to keep my pride (and of course, my job and my sanity along with it).
Sensing the change in my attitude, he moves his right hand up along my arm, leaving goosebumps in its wake. Sweeping my hair aside, he plants a tentative kiss onto the nape of my neck. My involuntary moan is all the encouragement he needs. Slowly, leisurely, but with a certain promise he begins trailing my neck, first one side, then moving onto the other, leaving a wet patch (both on the spot, and down below). Reaching back to bury my hand in his hair is the only thing I can think about, but his hand grabs mine before it could reach its destination. I glance back at him, and gasp, noticing the hungry gleam in his eyes. I know that my soul will be devoured by him, but I don’t care. It’s only him and me now, just like it’s always been.
I twist around in his arms, kissing his lips, as if I was the one doing the devouring. He doesn’t mind though. Our tongues start their evil tango, and it might just be the end, as both of us forget to breath. Is this what real lust feels like? No wonder people hardly ever live to tell about it. Not sure we will. The kiss does end though, and my head is spinning. Scared, yet excited, I look into those see-green eyes, only to see my own desire reflected in them. It’s as if I saw right behind the proverbial curtain, looking into the depths of his soul. Something is so familiar about his look, something that happened long ago, maybe in another lifetime. I can’t grasp it just yet, but it’s at the tip of my tongue, at the core of my being.
I shake my head again, reminding myself that this is just sex, nothing more. My boss wants a good fuck, and that’s what I have to give him. And that’s what I should want, too, nothing else. I can’t let my heart break in the process. Yes, this kind of situation can only end well in stories, not in real life. He is no prince charming, and I sure as hell don’t need help with my rescue. What do I need his help with then?
I trail off, unsure what I want to say, really. Am I hesitating? Rethinking the unspoken rules? What if it could be more? Would I want that? Miracles do happen, especially during this time of the year, right? I sigh heavily, but one look into those gorgeous eyes seals the deal for me. I’m not gonna back out now. I deserve this. I want this. I have wanted it all along. And that’s why his suddenly professional voice splashes over me like a bucket of ice-cold water.
“Natalie, I don’t want to do this.”
There, he said it. It was a momentary horniness, nothing else, and now it’s gone. The moment is lost, and we are back to being employer and employee, about to get ready for our New Year’s party. He reaches behind me, and for a moment my heartbeat accelerates, because I’m hoping our swift romance can still be saved. But the sound of the lock confirms what I fear most: he is letting me go before it could even begin. I try not to show my disappointment, I really try. But I can feel my whole body sag, and it’s as if I aged twenty years during the past minute. He doesn’t seem to notice though, or he is just being the gentleman he always is. Doesn’t he know how much I wish he didn’t always act like one? I really needed a man this time.
“Neither do I.”
I hate lying to him, but what’s even worse is that I hate lying to myself. I turn around as gracefully as I can, then walk out of the door. Probably no one is watching as I walk down the hallway, but I still feel like all the eyes are on me. I feel like everyone knows, like it’s written on my forehead. ‘She has the hots for the boss, and although he toyed with her a little, he was never serious about fucking her, let alone having a relationship with her. She is his secretary, for God’s sake.’ Yeah, well, even if others don’t think that, I do the work for them all by myself. This isn’t going to be something a hot bath or a cup of tea could fix, no. But then an idea starts to form in my mind, and I soon realize what will help. Just like a girl on a mission, I go to find my alleged fuck-buddy, James from accounting. Every rumour has its roots in reality, right? Some before the rumour spreads, and some after.
Two hours and three martinis later I’m non-the-wiser. Okay, that might be the understatement of the century. As it turned out, we don’t have a James in accounting. Poor Maggie must have thought I was crazy, because I asked her at least four times, but she insisted that her information is correct. Especially considering we only have one female stuff inputting all the data and sending it off to payroll. Of course, I had to check it out for myself, but alas, I’m James-less. Which means that I either misunderstood something, or Sebastian was lying to me. But why would he do that?
“Hey Natalie, how is it going?”
I glance up at Trish, who’s normally too gloomy to notice anyone else in the room, but probably she had a few drinks herself. It’s free booze tonight, after all, and I don’t think any of the employees would miss out on that. Sebastian is nowhere to be seen though. In fact, he hasn’t been out of his office since…
“Oh dear, are you okay? You look flushed.”
Trish’s comment makes me blush some more, but I decide to blame it on the martini, waving my empty glass in the air, turning it upside down, too, to show her my exaggerated disappointment. She just shakes her head with a sad smile and offers to bring me another one. I nod absent-mindedly, wondering where Sebastian is. I should be glad for having this party on the fifth floor, otherwise I would have ended up glancing at his door for the better part of the evening. Not that I’m not stupid enough to do the same mentally, but at least nobody knows that.
“Nobody knows what exactly?”
I spin around, realizing too quickly how bad an idea it was, as I practically fall into the arms of the gentleman that’s always there to catch me. Would it hurt him to fall with me instead? Frustrated, angry and humiliated, I try to break free, but he tightens his hold, saying something about me being too drunk. Well, duh…
“I think I have a right to be drunk. You might be my boss, but you sure as hell aren’t my father, so stop patronising me.”
Sebastian’s eyes go wide for a moment, which gives me a perfect opportunity to get lost in his bluish-green iris. Is it me, or are they a few shades darker right now? Damn, I don’t think I’m drunk enough yet. He clears his throat, brushes a strand of hair out of my face, and leans closer, so only I hear what he has to say to that:
“I sure as hell don’t want you to think I was your father. I’m not the ‘daddy’ type of guy.”
Is he referring to what I think he’s referring to? And why is he still so damn close?
“Yeah, right, you don’t like to be called boss, either.”
Shit, I didn’t just say that out loud, did I? Judging by the laughter that fills my heart with warmth, I did indeed.
“Well, I guess I could make an exception, if…”
He trails off, brushing his fingertips along my cheek, and I think I moan. Loudly. Is he drunk, too? Why the sudden change? Do I care? No. But I do gulp.
He tilts his head slightly, measuring me up with his eyes. What is he looking for? Either way, his gaze is too intense for my liking, so I frown, pushing him away for a second, only to pull him back the next for balance. He laughs again, the sound leaving me breathless. Even if he is laughing at me.
“Love, I’m not going to take advantage of your vulnerability. Maybe if you were sober…”
His voice trails off, and I know I’m about to make it or break it. Yeah, well, if I was sober, I probably wouldn’t have the courage to do what I’m about to do. But he doesn’t need to know that.
“Fine, I get it, no fun tonight. It’s a shame, but what the hell. Although…”
I lean closer, wobbling slightly, and not just because of the mind-numbing beverages I consumed earlier, but rather because of his mind-numbing presence. I make sure my breath lingers on his skin, and when I see the anticipated effect take over, I continue in the sweetest, most innocent voice ever mastered by a woman.
“Can I at least talk to you about something? Somewhere more… private?”
I batter my eyelashes, looking around, pretending to check if someone is listening. He lets out a sigh, and I don’t care if he bought it or not. I have him right where I want him. Well, not quite, at least not yet, but I’m working on it.
“Erm, okay. But only for a few minutes.”
I nod in agreement, knowing as well as him that it’s gonna be much more than that. What we share won’t dissipate in a few minutes. Not sure it ever will.
“Lead the way then, boss.”
He cringes at the last bit, which only makes me smile. Yep, I think I should drink more often when I’m around him. It certainly got rid of my inhibitions, and I can only hope it will be enough for the both of us.
“As you wish, my lady.”
And with that he grabs my hand, practically pulling me after him. Nope, not ambiguous at all. I steal a glance at our co-workers, but everyone is busy enjoying each other’s company. Some are even taking it to the next level. Oh well, I hope to follow suit myself. It seems like hours pass before we reach his office. Partly because I have time to think through all the reasons why I shouldn’t do this. But alas, we reach the door, and I lock it behind me without hesitation, letting my autopilot kick in. No, on second thought, I want to be present for this. All of it. He loosens his tie, looking at me questioningly.
“You wanted to talk.”
It isn’t a question, nor is it suggestive of his intents in any way. How am I supposed to figure this guy out? Doesn’t he want me? As seductively as I can I sashay closer, placing a hand on the back of his neck. I lean in, whispering in his ear, while making sure my lips lightly caress that oh-so-sensitive spot.
“Can you keep a secret?”
His muscles tense underneath the fabric of his shirt, and I’m suddenly overtaken by a burning desire to rip it off his toned body. But I resist – for now.
I sigh, again making sure my breath sends a shiver down his spine. I think I succeed, as goosebumps start to form on his skin, and the fine hairs on the back of his neck stand to attention. I wonder what else stands to attention right now.
“Well, believe it or not, we don’t have a James in our accounting department.”
A small chuckle leaves his lips, and I can sense him relax a bit.
“We don’t? Are you sure?”
His tone is slightly mocking, and that’s my cue. He is game.
“Hundred percent. So, we have a problem.”
I take a step back and look deep into his greenish-blue eyes, trying to appear serious and concerned. I can almost see the wheels turning in his pretty head, and that’s all I can do not to smile and blow my cover.
Oh wow, he isn’t much of a talker, is he? Not to mention being quick on the uptake. Wonder how he became the boss. But then again, I would love to think that only I have such an effect on him.
“Yes. As we have no James, I couldn’t have had sex with him. Obviously...”
Sebastian raises an eyebrow, eyes sparkling with something I can’t decipher yet.
I bite my lower lip, taking a step closer.
“But then there is that rumour you heard. And as such, it needs to have some base in reality. It’s just in its nature.”
He nods, and I think the penny drops finally, as he closes the space between us.
“Am I wrong to assume that you already have a solution in mind for our little problem?”
A smirk is playing at his lips, and I can’t help but smile myself. I think I won this game anyway.
“Of course, boss.”
He nods again, tentatively placing his hands on both sides of my hips. This simple touch in itself is already electrifying. Oh boy, am I gonna survive this?
“So, why don’t you tell me?”
The gentle teasing in his voice is my undoing. I raise up on tiptoe, and as he doesn’t pull away, I lean in for a kiss. And just as I expected, it’s everything I wished for and more. Although technically this is the second kiss we share, it feels so natural, as if we have been at it since the beginning of time. His lips are both soft and demanding all the same, reflecting my own desire. How long has he wanted this? I feel like the air got at least a hundred degrees hotter, and I wish I wasn’t wearing so many clothes, and neither was he. His tongue plays with mine, tantalizingly slow this time, as if challenging me to set the pace. I’m panting already, desperate for air, but as our passion blooms, I’m becoming more and more desperate for something else, too. I want him to touch me, and not just like before. And this time, I’m sure as hell to return the favour. In fact…
Still locked in the scorching kiss, I push a little, and I can tell I’ve taken him by surprise. Of course, it doesn’t mean he isn’t enjoying me using my own initiative. Maybe this isn’t what my job description meant by the same term, but who cares? He moans into my mouth, and the gentle vibration reaches my most sensitive organs once more, making me drench my panties. No matter, they will fulfil their Houdini-destiny soon enough I hope. I gently push him backwards until we reach his desk, and when he slightly bends his legs to avoid the collision, I become a bit more adamant, pushing at his chest with both hands. As a result, he sits down alright, but I silently curse, as it also forced us to cease the lip-lock. And here I thought we were holding on for dear life itself. Never mind, after a few seconds of inhaling some air (but hardly enough to survive this), we are back at it again, and this time we don’t try to hide our hunger anymore. That game is over. No more chasing and running, this is happening now. His hands are roaming my body, while I press my curves into his muscles. And trust me, he has every intention of discovering them all. I fiddle with his tie; he pops one of my buttons. We stop for a heartbeat when it flies right into his I’m the Boss mug, then continue our heavenly mission.
Standing between his legs, I can feel his erection poking at my belly, and I’m overwhelmed by a sudden desire to look down, to capture this moment, or rather to capture the bulge between his thighs. And by the feel of it, it promises to be quite a catch. I need to find out for sure, and I need to do it now, while memorizing every single detail about it all. Because I don’t know when all this will happen again. If it will happen again. Tomorrow we might realize it was the biggest mistake of our lives, but now it feels so right.
With a half-breaking heart I abandon his lips, lean back and look at the gorgeous man in front of me. I try to take in every inch of him, from head to toe, taking a mental picture that will stay with me long after he is gone. His arms loosen around me, and he raises his eyebrows, chest heaving. He is a fine specimen alright. But I fear if I stare at him for a moment longer, my insecurities will kick in, and nip this in the bud before anything could happen. I want to remember.
“Nat, are you okay?”
His voice is soothing, yet filled with concern. I don’t want to know whether he is concerned about me, or about not getting what he wants. I shake my head, trying to get rid of this unhelpful thought, but I realize too late that he took it as a confirmation that I don’t want this. I try to say something, but no words leave my lips in protest. In fact, tears are threatening to give away my deepest fears. Why does my own body betray me?
“Look, we don’t have to do this. We can still go back to the way things were.”
To the way they were? This pains me even more than anything. I close my eyes, take a deep breath, then let it out slowly. I can feel a gentle caress on my right cheek, and when I look up, Sebastian is looking back at me with so much love in his eyes, it takes my breath away. Right this moment I realize that there is no guarantee he will look at me that way until death do us part. But right now, I don’t even care. Because I know that this look is etched into the safest corners of my heart, and I will always cherish it. I know it will help me get through many storms, and, maybe more importantly, it will help me get through the morning after. I reach out, cupping his face in both hands, smiling weakly. He doesn’t try to stop me. I guess the tension and my indecision is killing him, but none of it shows. He is the true gentleman again, giving me the chance to decide what I really want. Oh silly, there was never a doubt about that part.
“No, I want this. I want…”
I gulp, looking deep into his gorgeous eyes.
“I want you. I always have.”
I breathe, leaning closer once more. He opens his lips, probably in an attempt to reply or protest, but I don’t let him. I seal his lips with a hungry kiss, and after the initial shock, he returns it with just as much passion, if not more. I run my hands down his chest, while he rubs my lower back, pulling me even closer. Then, reaching underneath my ass, he lifts me up and onto his lap. Because my skirt is in the way, he scoots it up, piling it at my waist, then reaches between my thighs. His thumb circles around my clit, while he holds me firm with his other hand. I gasp and moan into his mouth, trying to reach down and grab his cock, but he is blocking my way with his arm. He is doing all the teasing this time, it’s obvious. Well, I would be lying if I said I couldn’t wait for my turn, I’m enjoying this way too much. After a few tantalizing moments, I bite down on his lower lip in an attempt to get him to touch me in the right place, but he only chuckles and lets go of my lips, bringing his fingers up to them.
“Fine, I will give you what you want.”
His husky voice sends another rush of adrenaline through me, and the sheer anticipation is killing me. And so do his eyes. I’m willing him to do something before I melt or die of a severe case of unfulfilled lust, but as if sensing the urgency behind my desire, he takes a deep breath, preparing for something naughty I’m sure. God help me now.
“But you have to wet them for me first.”
At first I blink, not really sure what he’s referring to, but then he brushes his index and middle finger along my lower lip, and I tremble, automatically parting the mentioned lips. Yeah, maybe the other pair, too. And with that, he gently forces them apart, but just enough for him to insert those fingers. They already carry the scent of my juices, and they taste sweet. I suck on them automatically, and I must admit, this turns me on big time. But, judging by the look on his face, it has a huge and oh-so-delicious effect on him, too. I look at him with sleepy, come-to-bed eyes, and he takes the bait. With a loud pop his fingers slide out of my mouth, only to move downwards mere seconds later. This time he isn’t playing. He is right on point indeed, rubbing my clit with such intensity I think I’m in pure Heaven. I think I might secretly call him The Angel of Pleasure from now on. But he’s no angel, nor is he a gentleman this time. His lips connect with mine, probably to stifle my moans, while he grabs my hair with his other hand and twists it around his wrist. My heart skips a beat, waiting for his next move. Although, I’m not waiting empty handed. The change of position helps to fulfil my mission, and my hand connects with his sensitive flesh. I’m no Angel of Mercy, either, rubbing his cock with all the sensuality I can muster.
We are oh so close to our sweet release, and the thought crosses my mind that I don’t want it like this, at least not at first. I want to feel him inside me, I want him to be completely mine. He massages the back of my head, his other thumb pressing down onto my swollen nub, and it takes all my strength to let go of his shaft. He growls in annoyance, but I’m quick enough to reach for his fly, and that seems to make up for the momentary lack of contact. But, just as I couldn’t handle the doorknob before (although I wasn’t even drunk back then), I need some help rescuing his dick, too. Never mind, Sebastian rushes to the rescue. In no time flat, we get his pants halfway down, my skirt halfway up. After pulling my thong aside, we finally meet in the middle. And God, it is an otherworldly experience. My Angel of Pleasure is teaching me how to fly, and in return, I invite him to soar with me.
“Oh, Nat… I…”
He breaths into my ear, right before he thrusts deep inside. I shake my head, and silence him with a kiss, picking up the pace. Sitting on his lap, half-naked, fucking him while anyone can knock on the door at any given moment… Nah, it isn’t time for talking. But it seems like he can’t be dissuaded. Too soon he breaks the kiss, holds my hips in place with his strong hands, and, to my dismay, refuses to let me move. I let out an exasperated sigh, and raise an impatient eyebrow. Is he going to tell me now that he doesn’t want our relationship ruined? That he wishes to remain ‘friends’? I hope for his sake that he isn’t.
“Nat, you have no idea how long I’ve been wanting this.”
His breath hitches a few times, but so does mine. How long? Could it have been… Okay, relax, he didn’t ask you to marry him, or anything. He is simply saying that he wanted to fuck you for a very long time, and then again, you wanted the same. Perfect, right?
Because I can’t think of anything to say, I simply nod, ending our ‘conversation’ with a kiss, hoping he understands that he doesn’t have to say these things to make me feel good about the whole situation. I have made up my mind, whether he will stick around or not afterwards. He sighs into my mouth, but continues his rhythmic movements, his hands roaming my back, the nape of my neck, well, anywhere he can reach, really. His favourite is my bum though, and not only because by rubbing that, he can also make sure I come down harder and faster. A funny idea comes to me, and it makes me chuckle. The circular, slightly squeezing motion of his hand makes me wonder whether while massaging my shoulder, he was fantasizing about other, similarly round parts of me. I’m about to ask him when he picks up the pace suddenly, sending another jolt of electricity down my spine.
I dig my nails into his back, half in an attempt to hold on, and half because the alcohol in my blood is making me bold and adventurous. Let him believe that I’m a sexy vixen who would give him anything he desires. Let this be a time he will always remember. I don’t want to think about the things I will never forget though. Like the way he kisses my neck, or the way he breaths my name into the heavy air of the confined office. It’s romantic, sensual, sweet, and very-very arousing. Not to mention the way his cock fills me, every inch bringing me exquisite pleasure and satisfaction, scratching an itch I was unable to ease my entire life. But right now, it seems like it vanished. Although I’m sure it will return, just in time for Sebastian to fuck me again.
A wave of pleasure takes me off guard, and I bite into his shoulder, trying to stifle my scream. Of course, instead of letting me ride it out slowly and probably stay fairly quiet, he chuckles, pulling me down faster and harder onto his hard shaft. This in turn intensifies my orgasm, and I think I’m going to faint soon enough. I bite down on his shoulder harder, and a hiss escapes him, followed by a grunt. I’m desperate for air yet again, but I wouldn’t give up his tight embrace, even for oxygen itself. Life can wait a few more moments. Or a few more lifetimes…
His orgasm sweeps me up, spins me around, and takes me on a roller-coaster ride of pleasure once more. Is it possible that I never even came down from my high? I’m tingling all over, and even as our movements become slower, less and less in tune with our racing hearts, I feel like I finally arrived home. This is it, this is all I’ve ever been waiting for. Right this moment is everything and all that’s important.
‘Are you okay, darling?’
He asks in a raspy voice, breathing heavily, while trying to search my flushed face for an answer. Of course, I do what I do best: hide. This time burying my face in the crook of his neck, inhaling his maddening scent. I can’t hide from the feelings his question awoke though, and I can’t keep lying to myself. Am I okay?
I clear my throat, ready to say something, when there is a knock on the door. At first I don’t recognise the sound, it’s foreign, intruding even. It doesn’t belong here, it shouldn’t be part of our moment. But it does, and in a way, it’s the perfect wake-up call. The fairy tale – as much as it was heaven on earth for me – is now over, and I have to face reality. I just hope it wasn’t happening this soon. Still, it doesn’t feel right. I want to cry, but Sebastian is still inside me, his hands holding me tight. Somehow, getting off him seems to be far beyond my strength. And yet I know it has to be me who breaks the bond.
It takes everything I have (and everything I had no idea I possessed), but I climb down from his lap, ignoring the tickling sensation where his cum is trickling down my skin. I wish I could hold on to it for a bit longer, as if to prove to myself that this wasn’t a dream. But alas, I can’t. By the time I clean myself up, get dressed and rearrange my dishevelled hair, he is as immaculate as ever. As if this never happened…
It couldn’t have been more than a few minutes since the first knock, but another one disturbs my world, a more urgent one this time. Can’t they tell that what we have been doing, what’s been happening to us is equally urgent? Nope, crying isn’t an option. At least not in front of him, nor in front of whoever just ruined my happiness.
Sebastian shoots me a sideways glance, to make sure I am presentable, and then unlocks the door. I blink twice, and so does he. I don’t know whose shock is more palpable, mine or his. It’s Trish with a guy whose name badge says ‘James, Accounting Assistant’. They have their arms around each other. Either as a display of affection, or as a way of support, I can’t tell. Trish looks at Sebastian, then me, before her grin widens. She even winks. God, I just hope she will pretend tomorrow that she didn’t see anything. Well, did she?
Sebastian tries to act professionally, telling them about some kind of meeting he needed papers for. Yeah, right, in the middle of the night, on New Year’s Eve. Very clever. I’m not paying too much attention, making sure nobody else is coming. No pun intended, of course. My eyes take in the hallway and slowly scan through the corridor, but nada. Thank God. My mind wanders back to the conversation for a second, although I can’t decipher what is being said. Too much is going on in my head for that. All I see is Trish nodding, blinking, then nodding again. Not sure how much she is taking in of what my man is saying. James either, whoever he is. I’ve never seen him before, but this is just too freaky. Why do I feel like everyone is lying to me today? Probably coz they are.
‘And besides, I wanted to prepare the scene for Natalie’s promotion. I don’t want people to get the wrong idea, as you know.’
My eyes widen as soon as I manage to take in what he just said. But, to my biggest surprise, Trish nods enthusiastically.
‘I know what you mean. That’s why I’m glad as well that you announced it at the board meeting this morning. Rumours will spread though. You know how it is around here…’
She lets out a nervous laugh, and I feel like I want to do the same. A promotion? Announced at the board meeting? Before we had sex? What the hell is going on? And why are they talking about me if I wasn’t standing right next to them?
‘They can talk all they like. All that’s important for me is that Nat knows her worth, and that she also knows she isn’t getting the promotion because of our relationship.’
Relation…what now? All I can do is blink, and then blink some more when he puts an arm around me, smiling at me fondly. I try to fake a weak smile, but lying has never come naturally to me, so I might as well skip to the next step. If I’m honest, I’m just desperate to change the topic. This conversation isn’t over yet, but I would rather continue it without the prying ears (and eyes).
‘So, what can we help you with?’
I look at Trish questioningly, then my gaze shifts to James from Accounting. Because, apparently, we do have a James from Accounting. Thinking about it though, be as it may, I would never have sex with this guy. Even if I didn’t have my boss to compare him to, he wouldn’t pass the bar. He seems too jumpy for my liking. Trish’s voice brings my attention back to her.
‘Erm, you know…’
She looks at James fleetingly, then, as she isn’t getting any encouragement from him, she shrugs her shoulders, adding with a slightly embarrassed smile:
‘We are here to sort out some paperwork, too.’
Okay, beetroot definitely isn’t my colour, yet I’m sure my cheeks couldn’t be more flushed at her comment. Fair enough though. A fleeting thought crosses my mind. Do other employees use his office often to ‘sort out some paperwork’? I’m lost for words right now, and it isn’t even my office we are talking about. Of course, being the ultimate gentleman, Sebastian rushes to the rescue, yet again.
‘Ah, of course Trish. Just lock up when everything is back in place, would you?’
He winks at her and takes my arm, gently leading me away from the open door. I don’t think I ever felt more humiliated in my life. I’ve had my turn, now it’s another couple that’s gonna make that table rock. Couple? Yeah, right. We are halfway down the hallway when I hear the painfully familiar sound of the key turning in the lock, and that’s the moment I choose to snap at my soon-to-be-ex-man. Maybe my soon-to-be-ex-boss, too.
‘You know, I don’t like people lying to me. No, scrap that. I hate people lying to me. Especially the ones I care about…’
To emphasise my anger, I poke his chest with my left index finger, although I’m sure the notion hurts me more than it hurts him. Whatever. Sebastian holds his hands up in defence, taking a step backwards in mock horror.
“Relax, Nat, it’s not what it looks like.”
“Yeah, what does it look like? And what it is then?”
There is no answer. Apparently, the floorboards are more fascinating than my company. According to my almost-lover, that is. I don’t have the right to push this, as he never promised anything. Is it selfish then that I want to know the truth? Is it selfish thinking that I deserve to know why? Another minute passes (or maybe two hours), and the whole world comes crushing back on me. All these people, all the laughter. Oblivious to the sound of my heart breaking and my world falling apart.
I turn towards them, and away from my tormentor. For a moment, I let myself dwell on whether I should feel guilty for being jealous of their ignorance, but then strong arms grab me from behind, and I know the answer. There is no guilt, only emptiness. Yes, I am selfish, and yes, I am jealous. What I would give right now if this was happening to one of them, instead of me. Oh how many times we look at catastrophes, thinking that it could only happen to them, never to us. How ironic.
The gentle caress on the side of my arms, and the soothing voice of the man I love makes my heart break a bit more. I know he is going to say it, and part of me wants this to be over. Adele’s song comes to mind, and I pray that the lyrics apply to our situation. Although I’m sure he isn’t going to let me down gently. Why would he? All I am is a fling in the office, a good ol’ fuck to help release all the tension, nothing more.
I close my eyes for a second, bracing myself for the inevitable. The familiar scent, the one I can’t place, is playing on my mind. I smelt it when we entered his office, and now it’s here again. I know it’s not his cologne, because that I would recognise from a thousand other smells. This is different. And, because I can’t figure it out, it’s a welcome distraction. If I concentrate on it hard enough, maybe it will help survive this. Maybe…
“Look at me.”
His voice washes over me, igniting my senses. He might as well have asked how that distraction was working for me, because, clearly, it didn’t do jack. The careful nudge of his fingers prompt me to turn around, which I do, taking a deep breath. I obey, even after all that happened, even though I know doing so is going to be the end of me. I try to decipher the emotion in his gaze as it travels down my body, but my heightened state doesn’t allow me to see clearly. There’s only that mysterious scent, his sea-green eyes, and the thumping of my heart that I’m able to focus on. Is it weird if I never want to figure that scent out? Somehow, knowing that there is something trivial I should know but I don’t makes me feel safe. It makes me safe from getting hurt from the big stuff.
He lets out a sigh, his right hand moving up to cradle my face, and I involuntarily gasp. Why can’t he just end this suffering already? There must be so much desperation in my eyes, or maybe it’s the overflowing tears, but he starts to talk, softly caressing my cheek with his thumb.
“I never wanted it to happen. Not like this…”
He gulps and I close my eyes again. Here it comes, and I’m unable to look at him while he rips my heart out. The unrecognisable scent is filling my lungs, and I let it into my soul. I let it consume me. Maybe when I emerge from this blissful trans, he would have said whatever he had to, and it would all be over. But even through the haze, I can tell he’s conflicted. I can tell it isn’t easy for him, and that moment my heart goes out to him. I’m tempted to look up again, but I resist the urge. And then something painful hits me, something that makes me lose the last bit of hope I had. I want to scream, but the words only resonate in my mind instead.
It’s mistletoe. It’s bloody mistletoe.
As soon as realization dawns on me, I open my eyes, just in time to see Sebastian’s lips close the tiny distance between us. His kiss takes me by surprise, but I’m more than eager to return it with as much passion as I can muster. I want to pour everything into this last kiss we share. Maybe this is his way of saying goodbye, and although I always sucked at goodbyes, maybe this time will be different.
After a few earth-shattering moments, I break the lip-lock, even though it’s tearing my heart out of my chest to do so.
“Sebastian, I can’t do this. I…”
My voice crackles and he is about to say something, but I cut him off, clearing my throat.
“Look, you don’t need to apologise. I wanted this. I needed this. I needed you.”
I look away, unable to meet his gaze. Then, before I could change my mind, I continue. I need to let him go. I need to be the one to let him down gently.
“But now, that it’s over, I just want to know why you lied to me about James, and also my promotion.”
He reaches for my chin, lifting it up with his fingers, forcing me to look at him. Seeing the anger in his eyes, I gasp. He glances at my lips, then his gaze meets mine once more, and the storm slowly dissipates.
“Listen to me Natalie, and listen carefully, because I’m only going to say this once.”
I blink away a stray tear, my lips trembling with emotion. Nodding, I inhale sharply, waiting for the explanation I thought I would never get. I don’t have to wait long.
“I have no idea why, but you seem to enjoy punishing yourself. You never take credit for your work, let alone for the person you are. I tried to give you compliments, but you always brushed them off, as if I was lying or crazy to think that you deserve them. Am I right so far?”
My eyes go wide at his frustrated tone, and I nod again, my throat too dry to even attempt talking. No matter, he hasn’t finished yet. And he is right, I deserve every bit that’s coming.
“The only way I could get through to you was when I touched you. I must admit, it was accidental at first, but because you reacted to me in such a sensual way, I soon became addicted.”
He stops for a heartbeat, searching my face, but I don’t think he can see anything other than shock. This is too much to take in. And I don’t want to take it in either, because it’s giving me false hope. He runs his free hand through his hair, and I involuntarily follow the movement with my eyes, itching to do the same with my hands.
“And why are you telling me this now?”
I’m surprised that I’m able to say this much, and my voice doesn’t even waver. He blinks, then looks up at the mistletoe, a smile slowly spreading on his lips.
“Because I was hoping today would be special for you. For both of us.”
I look at him, stupefied.
How can having sex with me, then breaking up with me under a mistletoe be special? Is this some kind of sick joke? He nods, brushing away a strand of my hair, tucking it neatly behind my ear.
“Yes, Nat. I knew from the start that I wanted you, but you resisted all these months. I knew you were single, so that couldn’t have been the cause. I also knew you wanted me. I could feel it whenever I touched you. Like this…”
And, as if to prove a point, he brushes his fingers along the curve of my lips, making me shiver. His smile widens, then confusion clouds his features.
“I thought that the promotion would help with the way you looked at yourself, but clearly, I was wrong, because of what happened. Look, I wanted to tell you about the whole thing, I just didn’t know how. I didn’t want you to think that I made love to you so you can pay me back, or the other way round, that you got your promotion as part of some sick game. God, I love you Nat, I always have… I…”
Now it’s my turn to cut him off with a kiss. This time it isn’t passionate, it isn’t demanding. It’s simply a declaration. It says what my lips can’t, at least not with words, not yet. It says I love you too. When we finally come up for air, the question that’s been haunting me the whole day was too much to bear.
“Is that why you didn’t want to have sex with me tonight?”
He runs a hand through his tousled hair, a nervous laugh escaping his lips.
“Oh, God knows how much I wanted to. But I was torn between doing what I want and choosing to do the right thing.”
I nod, understanding slowly seeping into my brain. He loves me? Could this be true? He leans in for another, brief kiss, and that helps to decide whether this is real or not. Suddenly, everything seems to make sense, and I take over the story.
“Okay, so Trish was definitely in on this. So was James.”
He nods, shifting around uncomfortable. Good, he deserves that for keeping me waiting all these months. Or was I making him wait? Whatever.
“I just don’t understand one thing.”
He raises his eyebrows, but as I smile at him timidly, he grins back.
I look up, then back down at him, inhaling the tart scent that’s been engulfing my senses all day.
“Why the mistletoe?”
He looks at me in bewilderment for a second, then as the penny drops, he winks at me.
“Oh, that? I was supposed to put them up at Christmas. You could say that I’ve been planning on kissing you for some time now, but I thought Christmas would be my time to shine.”
It’s my turn to raise an eyebrow, but I can’t help grinning, and he rolls his eyes.
“Fine, I chickened out, okay? Hell, it took me one year to pick up my courage to even come up with a plan.”
His last comment makes me chuckle, and I lean closer.
“Oh, so you had it all figured out, huh?”
He nods, gulping loudly, glancing at my lips. I lick them in response, beginning to feel like I might have the upper hand here. At least this time.
“And how is that working for you?”
I ask, brushing my lips against his Adam’s apple. He groans, enveloping me in his arms.
“It is working now, no thanks to you.”
He winks at me, and I playfully smack him in the chest. His laughter is all the medicine I need.
I protest, but he picks me up, twirls me around, heading towards the stairs. From the corner of my eyes, I can see the whole office, all those people. Were they really that ignorant? Why can’t I spot ignorance on their face now? Oh, and why are they all cheering in unison? But they slowly fade out of view, and I concentrate on my own, personal Angel of Pleasure. The idea of him retaining that title gives me butterflies. An entire swarm of them, to be precise. I snuggle close to him, holding tight as he slowly but purposefully carries me down the stairs. The scent of mistletoe fades away, too, but it doesn’t matter anymore. I’m going to be okay.
“Where are you taking me?”
He stops for a second, looks into my eyes with affection, then continues down the steps.
That’s all he says, and my head starts spinning. I think these are going to be my two favourite words from now on. And, although I never thought I would ever need a man to tell me this, but I guess I did. I did need to realize two things. I am home when I’m with him, and I am beautiful. If there is one promise that I’m willing to make, it’s this: I will never, ever lose sight of the meaning of either.
Copyright © 2017 Sorseress. All rights reserved. All characters in my stories are fictional, and are over 18 (well, at least they would be, if they were real). Should you wish to know more about me, feel free to have a look at my official website, www.timeatokes.com. Yep, that's me. You will find some FREE sex games, dating apps, recommended phone chatlines, adult toys, and other goodies under my 'Naughty Corner', as well as a sexy (occasionally kinky) blog. My stories are also available in kindle, paperback and audio formats. To say a huge thanks to all my lovely readers here, I'm giving away FREE copies of my audiobooks. A review would be much appreciated, but it isn't a prepequisite. Just drop me an email, message me here, on my Noveltrove wall, or on the forum. Thank you so much for being a loyal fan! Love, Timea x