Catching Up with J.B.

Catching Up with J.B.

Written by Tristan LeMay, MarkMaul, Nikki Fountain, sanctuary, Rajesh, Tyray Cartier, AntoineMemoir and completed by the starting author

   Back when I was in junior high, my parents registered me in a prestigious, all-boys school that was far from the family home. It might sound like they were trying to get rid of me as I had to bunk at school during the week but it was actually my choice. I'd had a bad experience in elementary school and was really great academically so I had an easy time getting into this challenging school.

   Although I loved the academic stimulation, I wasn't that happy in my new school because the extracurricular activities were really aimed at team sports. I was not athletic in the least. As a matter of fact, I hated sports... except for basketball which was pretty much the only activity I was any good at. And since I was tall, it came relatively naturally to me. I did make the team and suddenly realized that I not only liked b-ball, but checking out the guys in the locker room and the showers. It became some sort of obsession and I had to watch it so I didn't spring a boner every time I checked out a guy's junk or butt after a game or a practice. It really did turn into a fetish.

   About half way through the season, the social experience of stripping out of our sweaty gym clothes or uniforms and hitting the showers after a practice or game became one of the highlights of my week. And I didn't seem to be the only guy who liked it. As a matter of fact, the whole team seemed to take pleasure in hanging out and letting it all hang out. Although I’m guessing most of the guys didn't see the sexual element or attraction.

   But there were a few guys who started joking around, making lady-like moaning sounds like they were easing toward orgasm. The guys would laugh, make gay jokes, and even grab each other's ass or balls, acting all stupid and childlike. I started getting into it, too, but I developed a special scenario in which I was two characters. A guy and a girl having sex, going from a deep macho voice grunting and thrusting to a high-pitched female voice that moaned and grinded against the erect cock of her lover. The guys ate it up! They thought it was hilarious and would even mock-masturbate to my role-playing which just about drove me crazy with lust and gave me jerk off material for later when I'd be lying in my bed alone in the dorm or at home.

   I would often fantasize about J.B., my friend Jean-Benoit, who was a year younger than me but had a much bigger cock and full bush of pubes. Mine were still pretty sparse at that point, but what I lacked in body hair I made up in horniness.

   One day, when a bunch of us were in the showers fooling around with our orgasm sounds, I don't know what came over J.B., but in front of everybody, he grabbed me from behind as I was doing the moaning female sounds and I felt his soft cock between my butt cheeks. Staying in character, I made a prudish little 'oh!' sound and J.B. started pretending to fuck me from behind with a great cartoon-like macho voice. The guys laughed like hell as I started going “No, Brett, stop! Don't! What if my mother comes in!” and J.B. replied: “Your mother's hot, girl. We could do a threesome.”

   The guys almost died laughing and I kept playing along, my prudish character turning into a moaning, out-of-control whore. It was really funny but also really arousing when I started to feel J.B.'s manliness grow hard between my ass cheeks. I had to grab onto my own dick and hold it down between my legs so the guys didn't notice it was growing into a full-blown erection. I pretended I was pushing my erect cock down just so I’d be 100% in character, like I had a pussy.

   When J.B. stopped, everybody sort of jokingly sounded disappointed – like they were really appreciating this free porn, and I’m guessing many of the guys actually did –, and went back to finishing their shower. But when J.B.'s eyes met mine, we knew something had happened.

   That night, in the dorm, once I slipped into my pyjamas, when I went to the washroom to brush my teeth and such, the first thing I knew, J.B. was at the sink right next to mine. We exchanged glances in the mirror and it got pretty intense. My heart was beating so fast. I knew something had happened between us and that something more was about to happen. When J.B. rinsed his mouth and then gave me another glance before heading to a bathroom stall, I tried to look innocent but then I caught his eye again as he turned to me before slipping into the stall without shutting the door completely. I didn't know what to do. I was so afraid somebody would see me go in the same stall and get us in trouble. My heart was pounding.

   I did go into the stall and we did what all kids do when exploring their sexuality. The fact that we were in school added to the excitement because it felt daring and prohibited. In the beginning, it was just about our sexual organs and touching each other but then, it turned romantic. We started kissing, first almost like a joke but we actually started liking it and we really fell in love with each other. I don't remember if we ever said the words in the two years that we became young lovers. I just remember J.B. as my first love. And then, after two years, one night, we got caught together and were suspended from school. When it got around that we were together, the other kids started intimidating, harassing and physically harming me. I don't know why they never attacked J.B. but I was relieved that I was the only one getting the beatings. Because I loved him, and I did not want him to be hurt. But I did have to leave school. And that was the end of my relationship with J.B.

   For months, maybe even years, while attending public school, I did meet other people, made new friends, but I missed J.B. My heart ached like I had lost my love. The love, you know? The love that doesn't go away. Then, many years later, on my 24th birthday, I got a friend request on Facebook...

   – J.B.? Is it really you?

   – Yup, it's me alright. I’ve been thinking about contacting you for a while. When I think back at our time in Junior High… keeping in touch would have been almost impossible. But now… with the Internet, social media… Anyway… It's taken incredible courage for me to finally find you again. We need to talk.

   – Well, you found me.

   My heart was pounding again. Why was he getting in touch with me? Did he feel the same way I felt? Had he been thinking about me all this time? I felt like a teenager all over again… and now I was in my mid twenties! “What is wrong with you?” I said aloud, scolding myself.

   – I'm surprised to hear from you, I typed. But glad. I was sad and mad, for a long time, you know? Struggling with feelings of hatred and love. Hatred that we got caught, that we were basically treated like criminals. I know, I’m exaggerating, but…

   – You’re not, really, he chimed in. I hated what happened to you. The beatings…

   – Water under the bridge, I replied, not wanting to wallow in the negative. But what I mostly remember was the love. From that time when you faux-fucked me in the ass the first time. Yeah, love. Unending love took over and I began to miss you horribly. I can't wait to see you again. Hiding in the stalls, blowing each other. I've stayed pure for you J.B. No cock has felt my ass in 8 years, waiting for you, J.B. When can we meet up someplace where we won't be seen or caught? J.B., I love you.

   – OMG, he replied. I knew this would happen. A lot of water under the bridge, you are right. So much so. And yes, we need to talk but… talk, dude. Can we meet at your place? You can't come here. I'm not gay, I'm straight. My wife would not approve.

   His last line was like a cold shower. A heart-breaking slap in the face. I felt so stupid having been so upfront and sounding like a horny school boy. Why did he go looking for me on Facebook if he didn't feel the same way I did? I couldn't understand. I even started feeling very angry, as if just the fact that he'd contacted me was a twisted, cruel game. Didn't he know that I'd thought about him all this time? Well, maybe not, because I had never tried to contact HIM so maybe he thought I just didn't care, that my memory of our time together was just a childhood game, a coming of age, discovery of sexuality that didn't mean anything.

   But that was NOT how I felt. For a while, I sat there at my computer wondering what to reply, what to say. Should I just say: “Hahaha, oh I didn't mean it that way. I'm happy you have found true love. I'm thrilled that you are happy with your wife and your life. Take care...” and just put an end to this torture? Or should I just be honest and tell him that I've never felt a love so strong? That I need to see him to explore what might happen between us because I at least need closure? I know, right? It sounds so crazy, eight years later...

   But if he's not gay and has a wife, why would he want to meet at my place? Why does he even say “Can't come here”? Why not? Doesn't he have other friends over to talk, shoot the breeze, have a beer, watch football? I mean, isn't that what all straight men do? I know, I was feeling ironic and bitter. If he doesn't want to see what chemistry there was left between us, why wouldn't he suggest we meet in a public place?

   – Oh, I understand, I replied. We can play this any way you want. I totally respect that.

   I had a wicked little smile on my face as I typed. And quite honestly, I was really pissed off that he was making me feel like a desperate, abandoned lover.

   – Cool, he typed back. So how does Saturday look for ya?

   I whipped out my phone and scrolled through my calendar – mostly to answer his question, but partially to stall for time. Whatever came of this, I knew I couldn't seem too thirsty.

   – I have a painting class from 10 to 12, I responded after a minute, and volunteer work from 1 to 4.

   Both of which were true; even the lovelorn have to live life, you know.

   I could picture J.B. smiling at this. How would his smile have changed by now? I wondered...

   – Busy guy, he typed back with a smiley emoji. How does 8pm sound?

   I wanted to type no.

   I wanted transparency.

   I wanted immediacy.

   I wanted him...

   I typed one word: Cool.

   After messaging a few more times I waited anxiously for Saturday to arrive, or to just sink into earth. I troubled myself with all sorts of questions. What would it be like? What would he be like? Was it really a good idea? 

   Well, eventually it was Saturday. The entire day I was consumed by my thoughts and day dreams. The fact that we had a nude model – a male model – in my painting class did NOT help. I was feeling so horny and fantasizing that it was actually J.B. sitting on that stool and that we were alone in that art class and that… well, I was getting so flustered that even the teacher noticed. It was totally embarrassing and I just wanted to run out of there… but it ended up that I did my best work since the beginning of the class, the teacher said.

   During my volunteer work at the senior center, I was so distracted. The seniors I read to and play music for noticed I was acting a little weird and Mrs. Schwartz even asked me if it was because I was infatuated with somebody. I probably turned beet red but just laughed it off and teased her about being such a gossip.

   I realized that I just needed to let go. What was bound to happen was going to happen anyway, right? “Go with the flow”, I said to myself. “It's all karma anyway.”

   To make sure I would stick to my newfound self-confidence, I gulped two vodka shots when I got home. They smoothed and prepared me. Putting a smile on my face. 

   Now I was ready to see him.

   Since we’d agreed he’d come to my place, I felt good about being on home territory. I had prepared a few snacks for us, and that old Leonard Cohen vinyl was playing in the background. I was wearing a grey shirt and an old Levi's. Just casual. It was rather chilly outside when I opened the door to let him in. He was wearing his old jacket that I remembered from the last days we’d spent together. I couldn’t believe he’d chosen to wear that. How was I supposed to interpret his choice? But more than his jacket I was delighted to see his smile again. His breathtaking smile, his masculine jawline and his honest eyes. He hadn't changed. He looked great, sexy and I remembered that I had always loved that boyish smile.

   After not talking for a few seconds, I finally realized that I should ask him in.

   – You look great J…, I said, gesturing for him to enter, for lack of a better opener.

   – You, too, he replied.

   I didn’t know if it was just in my head but it really sounded like he was nervous. There was unevenness in his voice, a breathlessness that made me realize that he was NOT here just to chat.

   – So… what, uh… what made you seek me out and come here, J?, I stuttered even though I now felt I had the upper hand.

   I felt more insecure than I felt I should, but I couldn't stop talking, even interrupting him when he started replying:

   – I… I don’t… you…

   – Do you still have feelings for me?

   Without saying a word, he took me into his strong arms. He had taken off his jacket and I could see the sexy hair on his arms and his veins, pumping blood through his muscular body. I felt the warmth of his body. The hug felt wonderful. I pressed him into me and he pressed me into his own body. When we broke the hug, he placed a brief, gentle kiss on my lips which made my body hair stand up straight, electrifying me.

   Still, I was confused. I hadn't expected this to happen, but then again I didn't know what to expect from the beginning. But with his next kiss, he changed all that. His tongue made his intentions clear, and had he said anything, he couldn't have put it in better, more beautiful words.

   After our kiss, I took him by the hand and lead him to the living room. My house isn’t fancy or anything special, but I’ve always prided myself on my sense for decoration. I saw that he approved of my little home, slightly nodding, looking more and more comfortable.

   – Would you like some tea or vodka? I asked, not without underlining the irony of my question with a devilish smile. I already had two.

   He burst out laughing as if he had needed my words to finally relax.

   – I had a shot of tequila and a few Jägermeister Red Bulls, he admitted.

   We both laughed and he took my hand, looking down at it and caressing it softly as if he was looking back at the past and the time we’d lost.

   – You want yours with juice or pure? I inquired, my smile growing bigger.

   – I want everything you have to offer, he whispered. And I want it raw and pure.

   He always had a way with words… and my heart started racing again. Sitting down on the couch, closely together, I poured us two shots.

   – Whoever downs his first gets to have a wish granted, he said as we raised our glasses, staring into each other’s eyes.

   I smiled and said to myself, “Oh you’re totally gonna win… because I want to see what your wish will be”.

   He downed his as I took a small sip.

   – Looks like you won, I said with that same devilish smile. So what’s your wish?

   – Put your arms up, he said with a huge smile on his face.

   While I did what he wanted, I realized that I was standing at full attention. My cock was already fully erect inside my jeans and I was ready to explode even before we got into anything remotely sexual. I guess that just his presence, the sensuality of the situation was enough to drive me crazy.

   He slowly pulled my shirt over my head while kissing my body. He started low, just above the button of my Levi’s, slowly ascending to my abs, my nipples, my neck. My whole body was afire. Feeling his lips on my skin after all these years was sending shivers throughout my whole body. I just wanted to grab his head and kiss him for hours before going on to more and more. I wanted our crotches to rub together. I wanted to feel all of him. But I resisted. I wanted this to last. I’d waited so long. And maybe it was better if he took the lead. If he decided how this was going to go. After all, hadn’t he said that NOTHING was going to happen?

   – What am I doing? he whispered when he came up to my face.

   – What we never should have stopped doing, I whispered back.

   – But this isn’t my life anymore, he said, sadly, clearly conflicted.

   – I know, I replied. Maybe you shouldn’t think about that right now. And maybe I should just make the most of this moment and accept that it might be the last…

   – I’m sorry, he said, his voice cracking. I knew I should have stayed away.

   – No, I shot back. This needs to happen so we can move on. It doesn’t matter how. I need this.

   – We need this, he whispered before kissing my mouth.

   The chills multiplied. I know. That sounds so cheesy but I can’t say it any other way because the lyrics from You’re the One that I Want really did come up in my mind as we kissed.

   Then, he pulled me in even closer and I did feel our bulging crotches rubbing together. I flashed back to the first times we had made love and my heart started spinning. It’s not like I hadn’t had sex since I’d been with J.B., but I realized how strong this first love thing really was. I wanted to stay in the moment, savor each second of this wonderful reunion but I couldn’t help but worry about how I’d feel when he’d leave.

   – Oh man! This really shouldn’t be happening, he suddenly said, pulling away from me.

   Suddenly, I felt used and yanked around. I even felt stupid for letting this happen.

   – I understand, I said. It’s okay if you leave. Take care.

   I left him there and disappeared into the kitchen. At that point, I just wanted to drown my sorrows, forget about what had just happened and I felt stupid for leaving the bottle in the living room. I started rummaging through the cabinets hoping to find something else to drink.

   – I’m sorry, he said.

   I turned around and found him standing there in the doorway.

   – This is wrong in so many ways, he continued.

   – It is. I understand – I really do – that you might be screwed up, that you might have all these conflicting feelings, but it’s not fair to me or to your wife. There’s nothing wrong with being attracted to more than one person – I mean – nothing wrong with being attracted to both sexes. There’s nothing you can do about that. But you shouldn’t have come here knowing how I’ve felt about you all these years.

   – You’re right, he conceded. I’m sorry.

   – Stop saying that! I shouted.

   It just burst out of me. It wasn’t a cry, it didn’t sound whiny; it was firm and sharp. And it was followed by a long silence. A really awkward, uncomfortable hush.

   – I really think you should leave.

   – Maybe you’re right.

   I knew I was. He had to leave if I wanted to get on with my life. If I wanted to move on. If I wanted to put the past behind me. But then I felt him come up behind me. I felt his hands reach under my arms and caress my chest from behind. I felt him press his crotch against my ass. I felt his breath on my neck, his lips on my collarbone. And his hardness growing against my butt.

   And I decided to ignore all the conflicting feelings that were bouncing around in my brain and just let whatever was happening happen. I pushed back against his crotch, feeling his cock growing harder and harder through my Levi’s and my Diesel briefs. I could also feel J.B.’s intensity building. He was grinding harder and harder and started biting my neck. I met each of his thrusts with a push and started thinking he’d dry-hump himself to climax.

   But then he twisted me around and looked me straight in the eyes.

   – You’re the one I want, he said with a determined tone.

   I almost burst out laughing because of the fact that I’d been thinking about the Grease song just a few minutes earlier, but I didn’t. I wanted him, too.

   He grabbed the front of my jeans and rubbed my hard cock.

   – Damn! It feels so good to feel you like that. You want me, too, huh?

   – There never was any doubt about that, I shot back before thrusting my hips forward, pressing my pulsating cock against his hand like I was fucking it.

   I could see he liked that because his eyes lit up like they used to when we were kids, discovering each other’s body. He kept pressing, opening and closing his fingers around my hard cock. I saw his other hand go down to his own crotch and start squeezing it, whipping himself into a frenzy. His mouth went for my lips again and we were kissing passionately. His breath was getting more and more ragged as if he was about to cum. I didn’t want that to happen too quickly because I was afraid as soon as he’d shoot, he’d crash back down to reality.

   Feeling the urgency, I went for his hand and pulled it away from his crotch. I brought it up to my chest and placed it on my right pec. He started kneading it like he’d been doing his crotch. I kept humping his other hand and kissing him relentlessly. As he massaged by pec, I felt two of his fingers squeeze my nipple and my cock gave an extra twitch. That was it. I needed to be naked. I needed him to be naked. I needed every stitch of clothing to be gone. Something we’d never had the chance to do in school because we were always afraid of getting caught so we had to be able to pull our pants up quickly in case of emergency.

   Quickly, I pushed him away and noticed a puzzled look on his face. I had decided to take control now. I grabbed him under his arms and pulled him up so his ass landed on the kitchen island behind him. I came in close and pressed my crotch against his, reminding him that I’m still taller than he is, even after all these years!

   – Holy shit! You’re strong, he remarked.

   “That, too,” I thought to myself, smiling wickedly back at him.

   I whipped his shoes off, tossing them aside, before pushing him down on the island so I could slip his pants off. Before I undid his button and fly, I caressed his cock and balls through the fabric, listening for his moans of pleasure. He just lay there letting me have my way with him. When I finally ripped his pants off of him, his hard cock snapped back against his pubes, and his cockhead smeared precum on the bottom of his grey shirt. I noticed he wasn’t wearing underwear! Really? And he wasn’t planning on having sex? Come on!

   I sort of snickered.

   – What? he asked, lifting his head off the counter.

   – Nothing, I replied. You’re hot, that’s all.

   – Mmmm… you, too.

   I grabbed him by the back of his neck to lift him up and pulled his shirt off over his head. He looked at me like he was impressed, aroused and dumbfounded at how determined and proactive I was acting.

   He made his balls twitch in his sack and another drop of precum oozed from the tip of his uncut cock. I just wanted to swallow him whole. But he still wasn’t naked and I wanted us to make the most of the privacy we were finally getting for the first time. I pushed him back down on the island and finally pulled his socks off, my fingers involuntarily tickling his feet. There. Not a stitch of clothes left.

   I leaned in and grabbed him by the neck again, pulling him into a sitting position. I felt his wet cock slap against me and kissed him hard on the mouth, jabbing him with my tongue before pulling away again. I revelled in the sparse fur around his nipples and the trace between his navel and his pubes. I kissed him again before pushing him back down on his back.

   – Man, you’ve really turned into a control-freak, haven't you? he chuckled.

   I guffawed jokingly, mostly to acknowledge what he had said. Then, I showed him how much I wanted him to KNOW I was going to control the situation. I had not forced him to come here, I had not forced him to kiss me, touch me, press against me. I had not forced him to stay – I’d even given him a pretty clear out – and he’d not only decided to stay but he’d come on to me again in a very physical, carnal way. Now it was my turn.

   I stripped off my jeans and briefs, leaving them at my feet, on the floor, my cock snapping out like a jack-in-the-box or like a bow that had just shot an arrow. I grabbed his ankles and lifted his feet in the air. His ass was half-way off the counter and his knees were almost pressed against his pecs. I opened my mouth and sucked his balls in. He gasped loudly, partly from the surprise and maybe from the delicious pain I’m guessing he felt. I gave those tightly-wound suckers some suction and tongue action, and pulled them away from the base of J.B.’s shaft. I knew they were just about ready to blow and I didn’t want that to happen too fast.

   Freeing my right hand, I positioned my left arm under both J.B.’s knees to make sure his legs wouldn’t come down and started tickling the sensitive skin between his balls and his asshole. He moaned again and I saw his head go from side to side as if he couldn’t believe what was happening to him.

   My saliva drizzled down toward his puckered hole. I used my index finger to push it like a button, not penetrating it, just testing its elasticity if you will, and swirling the spit all around it… His moaning became more and more insisting. His pitch was getting higher and so was my cock. When I freed his balls from my mouth, I managed to keep his knees up and grabbed his cock, pulling it back toward my lips. I swabbed it a few times with my tongue, sending bolts of electricity to every nerve in his body.

   – Oh fuck how I’ve missed your mouth, he said.

   I just smiled to myself.

   And as I swallowed him whole, his ass swallowed two of my fingers making him squeal and wince with pain and ecstasy. I knew my cock would be next because there was no way he was going to come over here and have gay sex with me without bottoming. I wanted to dominate him, possess him, take him and make him beg for it even if I knew that little pucker was virgin. J.B. and I had never gone “all the way” and I was guessing he probably hadn’t had anything up there since, either.

   I squeezed my throat muscles around his cock head, and gave his dick as good a massage as the ones I guessed his wife’s pussy gave it. And then, in my mind, I kept thinking: “But I bet you’ve missed these B.J.s, huh, J.B.? Haven’t felt a mouth like this on your cock in years, have you?”

   His pole felt like it was just getting bigger and bigger, thrusting inside my mouth, pulsating like a cartoon volcano preparing to erupt.

   – Oh, man, you’re going to drive me crazy, he said, trying to catch his breath.

   And just as he was about to blow, I pulled my mouth off his shaft and my fingers out of his hole before pushing my own hardness against his man pussy. I reached between his legs and pinched his nipples as my cock entered his anal cavity.

   – What the… Argh!

   – Ssssshhhh… you know you can take it, J.B. This is what you’ve always wanted, right?

   – Mmmm… damn.

   – That's why you came here, isn't it? I asked, giving him a hard thrust and burrying my cock inside him.

   – Argh! That hurts!

   – But good hurt, right? I asked again, pushing in hard again.

   – YES! he shouted. Fuck… you.

   I was not expecting that. Was he really insulting me? Telling me to fuck off?

   – You want me to stop?

   – Damn… no. I want you to show me everything you’ve learned since our last time.

   I was relieved… and aroused by his confession. I grabbed his ankles again and thrust my hips back and forth, slipping my barely lubricated cock in and out of his tight ass as I looked him straight in the eyes. I could see he couldn’t believe what was happening to him. He reached down and started jerking his cock and I felt his pucker tense up against my cock like it wanted to pull the cum right out. It took every ounce of self-control I had not to blow.

   As if he didn’t want to blow too quickly himself, he’d stop masturbating once in a while and would slap my belly with his hard cock. I thought that was so hot… and I had this flash of him pulling his cock out of his wife’s vagina and slapping her clit with it before shoving it back inside her. That thought somehow made me even hornier.

   – Fuck… me… hard, he said, like he was tasting each word.

  I started sucking and nibbling on his toes as I gave his ass longer strokes, pulling my cock further out and pushing it further in. I could feel my pubic bone slap against his balls and it felt amazing.

   – I want you to cum inside me. Cum inside me, okay? We never did that before. I want to feel you cum.

   His voice was deep but it was like hearing a woman talk. It felt weird but amazing. I felt myself falling in love with him all over again and… there it was: “Damn,” I thought to myself. “This is going to go bad again.”

   And I came. Felt my cock twitch and pulse, my whole body rocked by an amazing orgasm. And as if my spunk had hit the right spot inside him, he started squirting strand after strand of white man juice, splashing his chest and belly.

   – Oh yes, baby. You’re making me cum. Mmmm… yes!

   His body was also rocked by spasms and suddenly, he lifted his head, making his abs ripple, and grabbed the back of my neck, pulling me into a wet kiss. My cock stayed hard inside him and his didn’t look like it was about to deflate either.

   – I love you, he whispered into my mouth.

   I was stunned. I couldn’t reply. I just stood there, my eyes deep inside his… before they started to swell up. I pulled out and… I was about to pull away from him when he wrapped his legs around me, pulling me back toward him with his heels against my butt.

   – Don’t. It’s okay. This needs to be, he said.

   My head was spinning. What was he saying?

   – I didn’t tell you everything.

   Now I was starting to feel angry. He saw my jaw tense up.

   – No. It’s okay. I…

   He kissed me again.

   – I couldn’t come here without telling my wife about you.

   My head was spinning out of control.

   – What?

   – I knew there was something… she knew. And I knew there was something going on with her.

   I couldn’t understand what he was talking about.

   – My wife. Caroline… she… set up a threesome for us a few months ago. She… was having feelings for this girl at work and… she didn’t know how to tell me so… she thought, hey, let’s bring her into the marriage instead of going behind his back…

   He was telling me all this while running his fingers through my hair. I was getting goosebumps and my nipples were hard as thimbles.

   – Yeah… crazy, right? We had sex with Laurie three times before Caroline admitted she was just as attracted to women as she is to men. I… I couldn’t believe it. That’s… kind of why I first felt compelled to find you… to get back in touch with you.

   – But that’s different because you went behind her back, I said.

   – When I wrote to you the first time… but when we… made the date, you and I, I… I came clean. I told her you weren’t just a friend from school. That you’d been my first love… that I… missed making love to you.

   – And she was cool with that???

   – Well… not cool with it, but… she didn’t freak out either. She was kind of relieved, I think. Like by me saying I had been with a guy, it made it okay that she have feelings for Laurie. And it opened things up. Made it …easier.

   – So she knew you were coming here to … rekindle an old flame?

   There was another silence.

   – Yeah. She knows.

   – Wow. So… she’s okay with you… loving me? And… me… loving you back?

   – She loves me and I love her… and we don’t want to lose each other. But we know that… we both need… more.

   I was speechless.

   – Are you okay?

   I was. But I couldn’t believe it. I just smiled. He smiled back and pulled me into a kiss.

   – Now that I’m found you again, I need you in my life. Are you okay with that?

   There was another silence. I needed to think. I couldn’t process it all so quickly.

   – I mean, we're all adults here, right?

   I couldn't hear him anymore. I was trying to process all of it.

   I’d agreed to have sex with him even though I was in love with him and thought I’d be devastated after he left. And here he was basically telling me that we’d be seeing each other again. Even maybe regularly. How could I NOT be okay with that?

   – I… love you, too.

   That was all I needed to say.

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