The Case Of Penny's Boyfriend

It was that time of year again, and it was getting to be a pain in the ass.  I was doing what retailers call “loss control”.  That’s corporate-speak for keeping people from stealing everything they can hide while they walk out of the store without paying.  Working security is a fairly common thing PI’s do to earn money during the Christmas season, and the stores really need the additional people.  With so many shoppers in the store at any given time, their regular staff can’t watch all of them, and there are always a few who practice the art of the “five finger discount”.  

The time of year wasn’t the pain.  The pain was the costume I was wearing and the pain wasn’t in my ass.  I was supposed to be an elf, you know, like one of Santa’s helpers.  Usually, I just walked around my designated area of the store in street clothes looking like I was shopping and watching everybody who really was.  On Monday of that week, Beverly had called in sick.  She and I were about the same height, so I drew costume duty until she came back.  That meant I’d be walking around the toy department in her elf suit and watching the electronics department when I went around the end of a row of shelves.

The problem I was having was the way the elf suit fit.  It was made for a woman, and no woman I’ve ever met has balls.  Well, there was that one, but she was really a guy dressed as a woman so he could take some pictures in the women’s dressing room at the local pool.  No, I didn’t find that out when I undressed her, I mean him.  A woman who helps me out sometimes did that for me.

The guy was more than a little surprised when Gloria told him she liked women and thought he/she was hot.  He was more than surprised when she grabbed his crotch and squeezed.  Evidently she squeezed pretty hard because he fell down and started rolling on the floor.   Gloria pulled up his dress and took a picture of him that included his face, his balls, and his cock.  The cops who arrested him and found the little camera hidden in his padded bra thought it was hilarious.  Gloria thought so too.  She said his cock was really small, not big like mine…well, that’s another story.

The elf costume was just tights, a long shirt, pointy-toed shoes, and a hat, and it was cut for a woman.  The hat looked stupid as did the shoes, but the shirt wasn’t too bad.  It had this big gape in the chest that Beverly’s big breasts filled out nicely and I didn’t, but the other than that, it was OK.  It was the tights that were the problem.

If I pulled them up all the way over my ass, my balls felt like they were in a vise.  If I pulled them down to give my balls some room, the tights kept slipping down my ass.  I got the problem solved a little by putting my balls down one leg.  The fit was still pretty tight, but it only hurt once in a while, like when some kid ran into me on his way to show Mommy the newest remote-controlled, complete with battle sounds and other aliens to shoot, alien robot warrior toy.  That seemed to happen a lot.  

At Christmas time, the toy section becomes the default baby-sitting service for a lot of moms.  As a result, there were kids from six to sixteen running up and down the aisles. It was inevitable I’d get bumped by one of them, and when that happened, trying to keep my balance tightened the tights enough to make me want to double over.  A few of the kids did it more than once.  I think they thought it was funny watching the elf groan and try to stay upright.

At least it was Saturday.  Beverly had called to say she’d be back to work on Sunday and I could to back to patrolling the aisles.  I only had another week of that to go, and thankfully, I was done until the next Christmas.  I was especially thankful I didn’t have to work the floor on the day after Christmas.  All the stock would be marked down that day, and the store would turn into a war zone.  

I’d seen it all before and it was scary.  Little white-haired grandmothers would be elbowing their younger sisters out of the way to get to the last sweater on the rack or the last box of Christmas ornaments marked down sixty percent.  Teen-age girls would roll their eyes and casually stroll by those things, but turn into a raging mob over the latest already-worn-out jeans or the T-shirts with sexy sayings printed on the front.

I had to take a leak, so I walked back to the door that said “Employees Only” and into the break room.  Taking a leak was no small undertaking because I had to pull down the tights.  That also meant I had to take the shirt off because it came down over my ass and then some, so I ended up standing there in my T-shirt with the tights down to my knees.  My bladder was screaming at me when I finally got to the men’s john, got everything off and let fly.  

I was standing at the urinal feeling really great when Jake walked into the restroom in his Santa suit.  He nodded as he unbuttoned the long coat, then dropped the baggy red velvet pants, and stepped out of them.  He chuckled when he stepped up to the urinal.

“Thought I was gonna piss my pants before it was time for my break.  This cute little guy kept kicking me in the belly when his mom tried to sit him on my lap.”

I chuckled.

“I’m glad it’s you being Santa instead of me.  I couldn’t put up with what you have to.”

“Ah, it’s not so bad.  Most of the kids are great, well the ones younger than five anyway.  They’re real serious when they tell me what they want, and they give me a hug when they leave.  The older ones have it all figured out, so I don’t get many of them.”

Jake looked at me and grinned.

“Some of the mothers are damned hot though.  This one, ‘bout an hour ago, she had tits out to here and when she bent over to put her little girl on my lap her top fell open.  Her bra was just that net stuff, and damn, her nips were huge.  I bet her husband has a ball with ‘em.  

“There was another one, yesterday, wearin’ a real short skirt.  She squatted down to talk to her boy and flashed her panties at me.  They were them black lace things Marjorie wears when she wants to turn me on.  They didn’t hide much.  I could tell she was shaved.  Had the biggest pussy lips I ever saw, and I see a lot of ‘em when I play Santa.

“Then there were them sorority girls from the college, six of ‘em.  Wanted their pictures taken with Santa they said.  Wanted to sit on my lap and everything.”

Jake chuckled again.

“I’m pretty sure the last couple got more’n they bargained for.  I can only take so many tight little asses on my knee and soft tits in my face before old Wilbur stands up and takes notice.  The last two kinda giggled after they sat down.”

I had a cup of coffee with Jake after we finished in the john, and then went back out on the floor.  I’d put my balls down the other side of the tights this time just to kind of even things out.

On Sunday I was back in my jeans, T-Shirt, and ball cap, and walking innocently up and down the aisles of Men’s Wear.  I wasn’t really watching Men’s Wear as much as I was watching across the aisle and into Lingerie.  Most guys who shoplift go after electronics or sporting goods, not clothes.  Women seem to like stealing bras, panties, and stockings.  I suppose that’s because they’re relatively small and easy to hide, and because women never seem to have enough of them.  That’s what Gloria told me anyway.

There was a reason I was watching from across the aisle.  Most shoplifters won’t take anything if there’s another person in the aisle.  Shoplifters aren’t very smart sometimes, but they usually figure out that some of the people walking around are really store security.  If I watched from Men’s Wear, they’d figure I was just shopping and wouldn’t give me a second thought.

Apparently that’s what the woman looking at bras thought anyway.  She picked up one, looked at it, and then poked one cup inside out so the cups fit one inside the other.  She stuck the straps and band between the cups and then put it down.  She picked up another, looked at it, and then folded it the same way and put it down on top of the first one.  She had six stacked up that way when she stopped and looked around at the ceiling.  

The security cameras are in plain view so there’s no question the shoppers are being watched.  She was just checking to see if there was a blind spot close by.  There are always a few caused by the displays, and that’s why there are people on the floor as well.  

The woman picked up the bras and walked a few feet down the aisle and then dropped them on the floor.  She knew the security cameras probably couldn’t see her as she bent over and set her huge purse on the floor.  It took her all of five seconds to pick up the bras, dump them into the purse, and then stand back up.  I thought she’d gotten them all, but then she walked back with two, straightened them out, and put them back on the rack.  I suppose she thought that would look like she’d just changed her mind.

I keyed the radio hidden in my pocket.

“Hey Sandy, the woman in bras wearing jeans and a red coat, see her?”

“Uh…yeah, got her.”

“She has four bras in her purse.”

Sandy giggled.

“She doesn’t look like her boobs are big enough for one bra, let alone four.”

“Well, maybe she likes to change every day or so.”

Sandy giggled again.

“I do too, but I couldn’t find a clean one this morning so I’m not wearing one.  Wanna come see?”

“Now, Sandy, you know that’s against store policy.  Besides, there’s no telling what I might do if I saw you without a bra.”

Sandy giggled.

“I could give you a couple of suggestions.”

“Maybe some other time.  I see a woman with a purse almost as big as my old army duffel bag.  I better watch her instead.”

Sandy said she’d hold me to that, but I knew she was just joking.  Sandy’s sixty-four.  Well…I think she was joking anyway.  She always smiles when she tells me something like that, but there’s this sparkle in her eyes.  She’s pretty foxy for a grandmother too.  I was thinking maybe I should check her out when my shift was over, just to make her feel good about herself of course.

Most shoplifters are amateurs and most are young and dumb, but there are a few professionals who know what they’re doing.  About an hour later, I was watching three.  They were doing what I call a “double blind lateral”.  I called Sandy and asked her to watch the blonde.

The “picker”, a blonde woman about forty, selected six pairs of panties from the rack, held each one up to look at it and to confirm the size on the tag, and then put them in the kid’s seat on her cart.  She then pushed her cart to the display of stockings.  While she innocently looked at the packages, another woman, a redhead a little younger, pushed her cart up beside the blonde’s.  I didn’t see the actual exchange because the blonde bent over to put a package of stockings in her cart, but I could see her left elbow moving as she transferred the panties to the kid’s seat of the red-head’s cart.

The redhead then casually pushed her cart into the next aisle and up beside a brunette with a really big purse in her cart.  The redhead started looking at nightgowns, holding them up like she was seeing if they would fit.  In the process, she covered the security camera’s view of anything the brunette was doing.  

The redhead shook her head, put down the nightgown, and pushed her cart down the aisle.  The brunette headed for the exit with an empty cart.   When the redhead moved away from her cart, the panties weren’t there.  I called Sandy again.

“Sandy, there’s a brunette wearing a gray sweater and black skirt headed for the door.  I think if Jim and Patty check her purse, they’ll find some panties she forgot to pay for.  While they’re at it, they should nab the blonde and the redhead that pushed her cart up beside the blonde.  They’re all in it together.”

“I got ‘em.” chuckled Sandy.  “Jim and Patty are following the brunette.  I’ll have Mark and Bill keep tabs on the other two.  They’re probably not done yet.  The redhead just pushed her cart up beside the blonde’s again.  They’re looking at earrings now.”

The rest of the week went about the same.  I worked electronics on the day before Christmas Eve day, and I watched one fat guy stuffing DVD’s in his oversized pants.  I didn’t have time to call Sandy about him.  When he had six in his pants, he quickly walked out the door of the store and the alarm generated by the still-active RFID tags went off.  Jim and Patty escorted him back into the store with the help of Grace and Ted, the two cops who took the shoplifters to jail when we caught them.

Guys two and three were a little sharper.  Guy two used a pocketknife to cut off the RFID tag on a game CD and then headed for the door.  Sandy followed him and Mark and Bill caught him as he went outside.  Guy three went one better.  He took six CD’s out of the package and stuck them in his hip pocket.  Now, you’d think as hard as it is to get the wrapper off a CD, he’d have realized standing there ripping off the wrappers would generate some attention, but apparently not.  Mark and Bill stopped him just outside the store as well.

I went home, showered and changed clothes and headed down to Joe’s Burgers and Barbecue for dinner and the Christmas party Audrey always has.  I had the rest of that day, Christmas Eve Day, and all Christmas Day to relax and I intended on relaxing a lot.

Audrey’s sexy elf costume fit a lot better than mine had, but then Audrey has some pretty sexy curves.  I’ve never sampled them because Audrey has this thing about men.  She was married once, and she says that was enough.  Oh, she still likes men.  She just likes them strapped down to a table while she uses her flogger or leather paddle on them.  She also likes straddling their faces while she does that.  Now, I wouldn’t mind in the least having my tongue or anything else in Audrey’s pussy.  It’s that tied up and whipped thing that keeps us just friends.

Audrey brought my double of Endenmoor, no ice, like always, and then pointed to the table against the wall.

“I got meatballs, hot wings, little wienies, and a bunch of salads.  You having that or your regular cheeseburgers?”

“I think a couple cheeseburgers to start.  I’ll sample your hot wings and little wienies a little later.”

Audrey grinned.

“You gonna give Gloria a sample of your little wienie after that?  She dressed up special just so you’d want to.”

I was envisioning Gloria in a tight little elf suit that molded itself to her big, heavy breasts and wide, but not too wide, hips.

“Oh, how special?”

Audrey just grinned.

“You’ll see when she brings your burgers out.”

About ten minutes later I did see, and what I saw made me decide to stick around until three when Joe’s closes.

Gloria wasn’t wearing a sexy elf suit.  She was wearing a Mrs. Claus outfit that would have given Santa a heart attack right after he got the boner of his life.  The bright red coat/shirt/top thing was cut low enough Gloria had a lot of cleavage showing, and Gloria’s cleavage is pretty fantastic even if you just see a little.  I didn’t know what kind of bra she was wearing under it, but it must have been a marvel of engineering because it lifted her big breasts up and out without anything showing.  

When I could drag my eyes off her cleavage, I saw the top hugged Gloria the rest of the way down from her sexy waist to the inviting swell of her hips.  It stopped about the middle of her thighs in a white fur band, and I was pretty sure if she bent over, I’d see her panties.

From there down, Gloria was dark stockings with lace tops that peeked out with every step she took and knee-high brown boots with stiletto heels tall enough I was surprised she could stand up in them let alone actually walk.  Walk she did though, and by the time she sat the basket of burgers down in front of me, my cock was telling me it wanted to relax with Gloria.

She pushed her big left breast into my ear when she sat the basket down and purred, “Here you go Jerry.  I put on extra, extra pickles this time and three slices of cheese.  Hope you like them.”

Well, what does one say to a woman who sounded like she’d like to pull me back to the kitchen, throw me on the prep table, and fuck me until I couldn’t walk?  I didn’t know either, so I tried being just nice.

“Gloria, I always love your burgers.  What you can do with ground beef, a bun, some cheese and some pickles is fantastic.”

Gloria pushed her breast against my ear tight enough I could hear her heart beating.

“I think what you can do with my little bun and your big pickle is fantastic too.  I was thinking you might show me how fantastic it is tonight.”

It was pretty obvious I wasn’t going to talk myself out of this one, not that I really wanted to.  I wasn’t sure what had gotten into Gloria, but I reminded myself to take it easy on the Endinmoor.  My cock does pretty well up until the third double.  Then it tends to go to sleep.

I let my hand slip down off the table and stroked Gloria’s nylon clad thigh.

“Gloria, I’d never turn you down.”

She giggled.

“I want you to turn me up the first time, but you can turn me down for the second.  I get to be on top for the third.”

Well, I hung around until three thirty when Gloria and Audrey finished cleaning up, and then walked out the door with them.  Audrey grinned and said, “you two have fun” before she got in her car.  Once she drove away, Gloria and I walked to my apartment.  Well, I tried to walk, but it was hard with Gloria massaging my crotch every ten steps or so.  It promised to be a wild night.

Going up the stairs was a little harder.  As soon as we were half way up, Gloria locked her lips on mine and started feeling for my tongue with hers.  She found it, and by the time she eased back to breathe, my cock was pushing out the front of my jeans.  Gloria reached down, felt it, and giggled.

“Mmm…your big pickle seems to be bigger now.”

“Well, what did you expect?  It’s not like I can control it when you kiss me like that.”

She just giggled, rubbed my cock a little, and then started up the stairs again.  I’d been right about how short her top was.  When she was two steps ahead of me I saw her bare ass with a little strip of black over her pussy lips that went on up between her ass cheeks.

Gloria headed for my bedroom as soon as I closed the door.  I’d never seen her so eager before.  Usually when Gloria gets all worked up, she’s ready, but she’s never quite so aggressive about it.  She’s content to let me drive.  I wasn’t sure what was going to happen this time.

When I got to my bedroom, Gloria was sitting on the bed and smiling.

“Undress me, Jerry, but leave the stockings on.  They make me feel sexy.”

I had to laugh.

“Gloria, if you got any more sexy, I wouldn’t have been able to wait until we got here.”

She smiled.

“I thought you’d like my costume.  Now I want to see if you like me without it as much.”

I did like Gloria without her costume.  Getting her out of that costume was a lot of fun too.  I unbuttoned the six buttons of the shirt/jacket thing and opened it slowly just to tease myself.  

There’s something about a woman in lingerie that I couldn’t explain if my life depended on it.  Gloria is sensuous and inviting when she’s naked, but the black mesh bra and tiny black mesh panties made her erotic too.    I eased the top off her soft shoulders, laid in on a chair, and then stepped back.

“Damn, Gloria.  You could cause a marble statue to get a boner.”

She grinned.  

“I thought you’d like my undies.  Are you gonna leave them on?”

“I don’t think I could even if I wanted to.”

Well, I’ve already written about how Gloria is when she gets like this, so I won’t go into much detail.  I’d only played with her big nipples a little when she grabbed my hand and pushed it down between her thighs.  A minute later, she opened those soft thighs and pulled me between them.  As usually happens with Gloria, ten minutes later she was panting and thrusting her pussy up over my cock.  It was all over pretty quick after that.  I felt her dig her nails into my ass, and then heard her groan, “Oh God, I’m there”.  After that, I just tried to hang on.  My cock slipped out only once, but that was after I’d already shot everything I was going to shoot.

Gloria was still shaking then, and grabbed my cock and pulled it back inside her.  It took a few more minutes of slow strokes that made her pussy contract around my cock before she sighed.

“Oh, wow.  That was great.  How long before we can do it again?”

As it turned out, it was about half an hour, a half an hour of Gloria jacking and sucking my cock back to life, and a half an hour of me feeling her tight little pussy get wetter and wetter.

Like she’d said, she wanted to be turned down for the second time.  When Gloria thought my cock was hard enough, she rolled over on her stomach and spread her thighs wide.  I don’t think my cock reached quite as deep because her hips stopped my thrusts a little short, but she didn’t seem to mind.  It took a little longer, but when she started gasping and lifting her ass into each thrust, I had to hold on again.

It was about five in the morning when Gloria curled up beside me and whispered, “I think we’ll save the third time for tomorrow morning”, sipped her satin thigh over my legs, and pulled her breasts against my chest.  She was asleep in a few minutes, and I drifted off a little later.

The next morning, well, almost afternoon really, I woke up because Nature was calling.  I rolled out of bed and staggered to the bathroom, opened the door, and found Gloria sitting on the john.  She looked up at me and grinned.

“I thought I was gonna have to wake you up.”

Remember when you were a little kid and your mother would run water from the bathroom faucet to make you want to pee?  The sound of the water trickling down the drain was supposed to give you the idea somehow.  I really didn’t need any help that way, but about three seconds after I listened to Gloria’s trickles, my bladder was screaming at me that if I didn’t do something fast, I was gonna have to mop my bathroom.  I suppose I started to wriggle around, because Gloria chuckled.

“Just hold it Jerry.  I’ll be done in a minute.”

It seemed like five minutes before I heard the last tinkle, and another thirty seconds while Gloria wadded up about half a roll of toilet paper into a ball and then blotted.  I was starting to dance when she finally stood up.

“OK, Jerry, it’s all yours.”

Gloria stepped behind me when I lifted the lid.   Just as I stepped up to the bowl, she grabbed my cock.  I felt her big heavy breasts press into my back as she giggled.

“I’m gonna play fireman with your hose.”

Well, by then, there was no holding back.  It was a real relief to just let fly.  I’ll admit it felt a little odd to have Gloria moving my cock around to direct the stream, but by that time, I didn’t care.

I got done and Gloria giggled again.

“You shake it now, don’t you?”

She did shake my cock, and she kept shaking it until it realized what was going on.   She kept shaking it as she sort of pushed me back into the bedroom.  She stopped long enough to push me down on my back on the bed, and then started shaking it again.  

Well, the shaking turned into jacking, and the jacking turned into Gloria straddling my legs and using her free hand to pull both of mine to her breasts.  After a little of that, Gloria grinned, sat down on my cock, and started riding it.

About half an hour later, my cock was limp again, Gloria was humming to herself, and I needed a nap.  She wouldn’t have any of that though.  She dragged me into the shower, and after washing my cock about a thousand times with no results, said we should go get some breakfast.

The pancake house a few blocks down was open.  Gloria got a lot of stares in her Mrs. Santa suit, but she didn’t have anything else to wear.  I think she enjoyed all the attention, and she giggled when one guy choked on his french toast when she sat down and crossed her legs.  

While we finished our coffee, I asked Gloria what had happened to cause what she’d done.  She just grinned.

“I’m just being selfish.  Sally Jean is going to come see you tomorrow, and I didn’t want you to be too tired for me.”

In case you don’t remember, Sally Jean is Gloria’s niece, and they’re two peas in a pod as far as sex is concerned.  Sally Jean always needs it at least twice before she calms down enough to sleep.  There’s always that morning romp as well, and if she could, Sally Jean would make it two romps.  

I walked Gloria back to her car, and when she kissed me goodbye, seriously thought about asking her to come back to my apartment for the rest of the morning.  Then I remembered Sally Jean, and let her go.  I’d need the rest of the day to rest up.

Well, I thought I was going to rest up.  When I got back to my office, I put a Miles Davis CD in the stereo in my office and then stretched out on my couch.  I was going to let Miles lull me off to sleep for a couple hours, then have lunch, and then take a nap.  Yeah, I know, but if you’d just spent all night and the next morning with Gloria, you’d understand.

I was thinking about what Sally Jean was probably going to want first when there was a knock on my door.  I’d hung my “closed” sign on the door so it couldn’t be a client.  I thought maybe Gloria had forgotten something and had come back to get it.  I was sort of hoping that was the case, and at the same time, praying it wasn’t.

When I opened the door, it wasn’t Gloria.  The woman looked familiar, but I couldn’t place her.  She smiled at me then, and the smile was familiar too, but I still couldn’t remember where I’d seen her.  It wasn’t until she spoke I did, but it couldn’t be her.

“You don’t remember me, do you Jerry?”

“Penny…Penny Richards?”

She grinned.

“Yep, it’s me.”

I almost asked her for some identification because Penny had changed and she’d changed a lot over the past two years.

Penny had come to me to find out if her husband was cheating on her.  As soon as I saw her, I knew the answer, or at least what I figured the answer was going to be.

Penny was what some people would call a big, beautiful woman, except she wasn’t very tall, maybe five two, and while her face was kind of cute, the rest of her wasn’t beautiful at all.  Now, I don’t have any problems with a woman carrying a few extra pounds.  I like my women soft and round, and I don’t like little boy butts.  Penny was…well, let’s just say it didn’t look like Penny had ever seen anything she wouldn’t eat and then ask for seconds.

Penny turned out to be a nice woman, and there was a lot of Penny to be nice.  No, I didn’t do what you’re thinking.  There was too much of Penny and not enough of me, at least that’s what I figured.  Besides, she was only interested in finding out what her husband had been doing every weekend.  

He said he was fishing and when I followed him one Saturday morning, he did go to Percy Priest Lake.  He didn’t rent a boat or fish from the shore, though.  I could understand that.  The blonde with big tits wearing a bikini and sitting on the bow of her boat would have put fishing way, way in the back of my mind.

I was thinking I’d probably have to rent a boat and follow them out on the lake to see what they did.  As it turned out, I didn’t have to.  As soon as Penny’s husband stepped on board the boat, the blonde walked over and put her arms around his neck.  He was grinning when he pushed his hands under her bikini bottoms and started squeezing her ass cheeks.  

After a couple minutes during which I got several pictures of them kissing while he was massaging her ass, they went down into the cabin.  The blonde was leading the way, and right before she stepped into the cabin, he pulled the string on her bikini bra.  She caught it before it slipped off, but her big tits slipped out of the cups.  I got pictures of that too.  Her tits looked fake, and that sort of ruined it for me, but evidently Penny’s husband liked them.

Anyway, Penny’s lawyer negotiated a nice settlement for her - basically everything the guy owned.  I don’t think he cared.  The size of the blonde’s boat told me she probably had enough money to support them both.

The Penny smiling at me that day was still about five two, but she couldn’t have weighed much more than a hundred and ten.  The only place Penny didn’t seem to have lost weight was her breasts.  They looked pretty awesome.  I had to grin.

“Penny, you’ve uh…changed a lot.”

“I know and I feel really good about that.  It was hard, but it was worth it.”

I asked what I could do for her.  Penny frowned then.

“Well, after I got divorced, I found another guy.  We’ve been dating since then, but I think he’s doing the same thing my husband did.  Can you find out if he is?  I thought we might get married one of these days, but the last six months, he’s hardly touched me.  He’s working a lot of Saturdays anymore too, so we haven’t had many dates lately.”

I asked Penny for her boyfriend’s name and address, description, and a few other things I’ve learned are nice to know, and she gave them to me, but said he wouldn’t be home until two days after Christmas.

“His mother lives in Chicago, and he’s going to see her.  We had our Christmas last night and he left this morning.”

That suited me just fine.  If Sally Jean was coming over on Christmas Day, I wouldn’t be in any shape to do anything afterward for a day or so anyway.  When Penny walked out of my office, I was wondering what kind of guy would run around on her.  I could understand why her ex did.  I mean, I didn’t think that was the right thing for him to do to her, but I could understand.

I did get my nap after lunch.  About six I walked down to the Chinese restaurant for dinner.  Minnie and Herbie Chin don’t really celebrate Christmas, so they keep the restaurant open on Christmas Eve and Christmas day.  That isn’t a problem for them because they live upstairs over the restaurant.

The girl waiting tables took my order and then gave it to Minnie in the kitchen.  Fifteen minutes later, Minnie carried my beef chow fun to my table and then sat down.

“You spending Christmas Eve by yourself?  What happened to that Gloria woman you bring in sometimes?  I think she likes you and I thought she’d spend Christmas Eve with you.”

I didn’t think I was grinning, but I must have been, because Minnie giggled.

“Oh, I see.  She gave you your Christmas present yesterday.  That’s why you look tired.  Let me get you some yin yang huo.  It will make you feel like a man again.”

Minnie learned Chinese medicine from her mother and she likes to doctor me.  She always thinks I need some herb or squirrel droppings or snake bile or something like that to make me feel better.  

Yin yang huo is Chinese for horny goat weed, and it’s supposed to make your cock hard.  I figured since Sally Jean wouldn’t give up until she couldn’t get my cock to stand up again, it might be good to have some help.

Minnie grinned when I said that might be good, went back the office where she keeps all her medicine, and brought out a small baggie and sprinkled it over my beef chow fun.  She grinned then.

“If you need more, come back and see me.  I think Gloria will like you too much, so you might need more.”

Well, as it turned out, after Sally Jean left the morning after Christmas, I was feeling like I needed a lot more yin yang huo.  The only real difference between Gloria and Sally Jean is Sally Jean’s a little younger and a lot more athletic.  Gloria likes to ride.  Sally Jean likes to ride too, but it’s more like she’s riding a bucking horse.  Of course, if you were lying there under her and sucking her big, stiff nipples and feeling her pussy clamp and unclamp your cock, like I did the first time, you’d be bucking too.  

She liked that, the nipple sucking thing.  She always does.  It makes her slam her pussy down over my cock and then grind around a little.  After a little of that, I bit down a little.  Sally Jean shrieked and started to shake.  That pulled on her nipple, but since I still had it between my teeth, it didn’t slip out.  Sally Jean shrieked again and I felt my balls getting drenched when she came.  I came then too, but I don’t think she noticed.  She was too busy rocking her pussy over my cock and trying to stay on top of me.

When she started to fall, I caught her and eased her down on my chest.  She lay there for a while and then giggled.

“Oh God, that was great.  Let’s do it again.”

Well, we did, except this time she just spread her legs out and let me do the pumping while she poked her nipples in my face.  The end was about the same except she started moving up and down there at the last and my cock slipped out.  She didn’t stop, but instead of trying to spear her pussy with my cock, she pushed it down on my belly and started rubbing her clit with the underside.  

She finally reached back, grabbed my cock and then pushed her pussy over it.  That’s when I shot the first spurt.  I had to hold her down for the second and third because she was panting and I couldn’t keep up with how fast she was bobbing her pussy over my cock.

When Sally Jean kissed me goodbye the next morning, she was happy as a lark.  I was happy too, but I wasn’t humming like Sally Jean was when she walked out my door.  My cock was shriveled up like it was trying to hide, and I felt like curling up on my couch and sleeping the rest of the day.  

That morning, she’d decided not to ride me.  Instead, she’d just played with my cock until it was mostly stiff again, and then pulled me between her spread thighs.  Once I was in, she wrapped her legs around my waist so I couldn’t get away, and then started rocking her pussy into every stroke.  When she came that time, she used her legs to keep me from stroking.  That didn’t matter too much to me.  The way her pussy and passage were milking my cock, I didn’t need to stroke.

When she stopped gasping for breath, she pulled me down until my chest flattened her breasts and whispered, “Merry Christmas, Jerry”.

Well, I hated to see Sally Jean go, but there was no way I was going to be ready for round four for at least a day.  I closed the door behind her, started Miles again, and didn’t wake up until about four.  That was too late for lunch and too early for dinner, so I poured myself a scotch and looked at the information Penny had given me.

Mike Johnson lived out in the suburbs of Nashville.  The address told me he was doing pretty well financially.  Houses in that area sold for somewhere between a hundred and fifty to two hundred thousand.  Mike was a plumber, so that explained how he could afford that much house.  When you need a plumber it’s usually pretty much an emergency.  Plumbers know that, so they’re not bashful at all about charging you a hundred an hour and making you pay for the time when they leave their shop until they get back.

I don’t begrudge them the money.  I can’t see how anybody would like doing a job that entails unplugging toilet drains and working on septic tanks.

Anyway, Mike was thirty-seven, about the same age as Penny.  He was about the normal weight for a man five-ten tall and while he wasn’t going to model for GQ, I could see why Penny was attracted to him.  The way she looked now made me wonder why he’d be looking at another woman, but then, I didn’t know Penny very well.  For all I knew, she might be a perfect lady when she talked to me, and a raving bitch at home.  I’d seen that before.

I knew Joe’s Burgers and Barbecue would be closed, so I went back to the Chinese restaurant for dinner.  My kung pao chicken was hot enough it woke me up, and Minnie gave me another dose of horny goat weed.  By the time I got back to my office, I felt almost human again.

Penny had given me both Mike’s home address and his business address, so the next morning I drove past both.

Mike’s house was a nice house, nothing really different than most in the subdivision, but it was nice.  There was no car in his drive and it was late enough he probably wasn’t there, so I drove to his shop.

The sign over the door said “Stinky Pinky Plumbing”.  The side of the white full-size van in the parking lot had the same thing painted on the side along with “Septic System Installation, Cleaning, & Repair”, Household Plumbing Installation & Repair, and “24 Hr Emergency Plumbing Service” along with a 1-800 phone number.  It looked like Mike could handle about anything that happened.

I didn’t go inside.  I’ve rarely made it a point to meet someone I was watching.  They’ll always recognize me and ask why I’m following them around.  There wasn’t much use in following him that day either.  Penny said he’d been working almost every Saturday, and I figured that was when he was seeing somebody else if that’s what he was doing.  Nobody, and I mean nobody calls a plumber on the weekend unless their house is turning into a swimming pool.  They’ll not take showers and flush the toilet with bottled water from Walmart before they’ll do that.  Plumbers in the Nashville area charge double on weekends.

That Saturday morning, I parked across and a little ways down the street in the parking lot of a re-sale shop.  About ten, Mike came out of his shop, got in the Stinky Pinky van and headed down the block.  I let him get a little ahead of me before I started following him.  I wasn’t too worried that I’d lose him.  That van stuck out in traffic like a sore thumb.

Mike drove out of Nashville and into Hendersonville, and pulled into the drive of a small bungalow.  I went on past and parked on the street two houses down where I could still see the front door.  If it looked like Mike was just making a plumbing call, I’d go back to the re-sale shop and wait for him to come back.  If he wasn’t, I’d stay and get any pictures I could.

I thought it a little suspicious when Mike didn’t take any tools with him to the front door.  Anybody calling him to fix something would have told him what was happening, so he’d probably take enough with him to fix the problem.  Mike didn’t even open the back of the van.  He just walked up the walk.

He wasn’t even half way up the walk when the front door of the house opened, a woman ran out, and put her arms around his neck.  I snapped three pictures of that, and then put the camera down.  I knew what was going on by then.  I didn’t pretend to understand it, but I knew.

I drove back to my office and called Penny.  She said she had to work until five, but she’d be over then.  

It was almost twelve by then, so I warmed up a frozen hamburger in my microwave and had lunch.  After that, I transferred the pictures from my camera to my laptop so it would be easier for Penny to see what I’d seen.  I took a nap then because I was still feeling a little ragged.  Sally Jean has a way of doing that to me.

About ten after five, Penny walked into my office.  When she took of her coat, I still couldn’t believe what Mike was doing.  I wouldn’t have if somebody had told me, but I’d seen it with my own eyes.  Penny had a figure that wouldn’t quit, and I figured it only got better when she was naked.

“Penny, when did you start dating Mike?”

Penny smiled.

“A month after my divorce.  I’d called him out to fix my kitchen sink faucet and he asked me out when he got done.  Why?”

“When did you start losing weight?”

“Right after I started dating Mike.  I knew that’s what caused my ex to find another woman, and I didn’t want that to happen again.  I started dieting and going to the gym, and after I’d lost a lot, I had a few tucks taken to get rid of some skin I didn’t need any more.  It sounds like even after all that, you’re going to tell me it is happening again.”

I took a deep breath.

“Yes, I’m afraid so, but not for the reason you’re probably thinking.”

I turned the laptop so Penny could see the first picture.  She looked at it and her mouth fell open.

“She’s bigger than I was.”

I nodded.

“That’s what I thought too.”

“Then why?”

I don’t like trying to explain things to clients where relationships are concerned.  People are weird sometimes, and no amount of explaining makes a client feel better.  In this case, I thought I had an answer that might satisfy Penny.

“Penny, there are some men who like really, really big women.  I don’t know why, but they do.  What I think is Mike was interested in you while you were fa…while you were a big woman, but when you started losing weight, well…you were turning into a woman he didn’t find attractive so he found one who was.”

“So, to get him back, I’d have to get fat again?  Uh-uh.  Never.”

I smiled.

“Penny, you don’t need Mike back.  I doubt if he’d consider it anyway.  All I think you need to do is start looking for another man. The way you look, I don’t think you’re going to have much of a problem finding several.  You’ll just have to figure out which one you want the most.”

“So what should I do, call him and tell him he can have his fat woman if he wants her?”

I shook my head.

“No.  It sounds like I’m defending him, but I’m not.  Most men like a woman who’s got some figure.  Some men like really skinny women.  Mike likes really big women.  I don’t think you should tell him you know about her.  It’ll just make him mad that you were spying on him.  I think you should just call him and say you want to see other people.  I don’t think that’ll do anything except make him happy.  I think you’ll be happier too.”

Penny smiled a weak little smile.

“Well, I guess it is better that I don’t have to worry about it now.  The last time, it cost me six hundred dollars.  What do I owe you for this time?”

I don’t get a lot of return business, but if a client has paid up on time and doesn’t bitch about my fee, I usually don’t ask them to pay in advance for a second case.  I hadn’t with Penny, partly for that reason, and partly because I’d liked her a lot the first time, and I still liked her.  

I’d spent all of an hour on this one, and I couldn’t in good conscious charge her my normal fee of six hundred for the first two days.

“Penny, this didn’t take me any time at all.  Why don’t you buy me dinner some night and we’ll call it even.”


Penny was smiling when she left.  I hoped she’d think about what I said because she’d turned into a really attractive woman once she lost the weight.  She wasn’t gorgeous, but I figured if she dressed up and put on the right makeup, she’d be a woman any man would like being with.

The PI business gets pretty scarce the week between Christmas and New Year’s Day.  I think that’s because people are too exhausted to care about anything except resting.  Most government offices are closed too, so I didn’t get any subpoenas to serve.  That was OK with me.  I was one of those exhausted people.  I’d worked my ass off the month before Christmas, so I took the time to do some shopping on-line and replenish my scotch supply.

I needed a new GPS for my car.  I’d been using my phone since the Tennessee summer cooked my old unit enough it didn’t work most of the time.  I also wanted a new camera.  My old camera was just that – old – and the resolution wasn’t all that great.  If I was very far away, like I usually am, faces were a little hard to recognize.

On New Year’s Eve, I stopped by Joe’s for a burger and a double Endenmore or two, but I didn’t stay.  Everybody in Nashville goes out on New Year’s Eve and that means about all the bars in town are packed, even small bars like Joe’s.  I knew Joe’s would be noisy with people getting drunk until about one, and by three when Gloria got off, she’d be too tired to do anything except give me a kiss on the cheek and wish me a happy New Year.  

Instead, I got back home to my office/apartment, poured myself a double Endenmoor, and watched the idiots in Times Square count the big ball down.  Then, I went to bed.  One double was enough to put me to sleep, and hangovers seem to hurt more and longer as I get older.

I was up and eagerly looking forward to the New Year the next morning.  Well, that’s not exactly correct.  I was up like I always am – sitting at my kitchen table in my underwear and waiting for the coffeemaker to get done.  That’s when my cell phone rang.

It was Penny.  She said she was about five minutes away and wanted to talk to me face to face.

Five minutes isn’t very long when you’re still half-asleep.  I thought about shaving, but decided there wasn’t time, so I put on my clothes and took my coffee to my office so I’d look at least a little professional.  Penny knocked on my door about a minute after I sat down.

She was all smiles when I let her in.

“Jerry, I did what you said and called Mike that night.  I just said I thought we were growing apart and we should maybe see other people.  He didn’t seem upset.  All he said was if that was what I wanted, he hoped I’d find somebody.

“Last night, I went out with two old girlfriends and…Jerry, you buttoned your shirt wrong.  I didn’t interrupt you doing something with somebody, did I?”

I thought the shirt felt a little funny, but I was in too much of a hurry to find out why.  When I looked down, I’d offset the buttons by one hole.

“No, you didn’t interrupt anything.  I just don’t work very well until I have a cup of coffee.”

“Well, anyway, I met this guy, just like you said I would.  We didn’t stay until midnight.  I’d ridden with Sheila, so he took me home.  I asked him if he wanted to come in for a while, but he said he didn’t think we should do anything on a first date.  He seems like a really nice guy.  

“I just wanted you to know that.  I haven’t forgotten about buying you dinner some night.  I’d do it tonight except, well, Terry is coming over and I’m going to fix dinner for him.”

I told Penny I was happy for her and not to worry about the dinner.  We’d do that whenever she was ready.  She gave me a hug before she left, and I was thinking Terry was getting one hell of a woman.  She’d pressed her big breasts into my chest when she hugged me, and that made me wish she’d have found me instead.

It was a little after lunch when my office door opened and Gloria walked in smiling.

“Hi Jerry.  When I got up this morning I called Sally Jean to see if she came to see you.  She said she did, and then she told me all about it like she always does.  Well, after watching girls rub all over their guys last night and then hearing what Sally had to say…

“You have any plans for the rest of the day?”

Even if I’d had plans, I’d have told Gloria I didn’t.  I’d have said that because she unbuttoned the long coat she was wearing then, and underneath that coat was just Gloria, no blouse and jeans, no underwear, just heavy breasts, wide hips, and the cute little patch of brown hair on her mound.  

I grinned.

“No, nothing in particular.  Is there something I can do for you?”

Gloria smiled.

“I have this itch and I thought you might scratch it for me.  You wouldn’t mind scratching my itch, would you?”

Well, as I followed Gloria’s swaying ass back to my bedroom, I was thinking she’d probably need that itch scratched more than once before it went away.  I like scratching Gloria’s itches, though a lot of the time she just uses me to scratch them herself.  I don’t mind at all.

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