Waiting for Fate Pt. 03
I thought about it for a moment before responding, “Sir.”
“That works for me. I'm not really all that comfortable with ‘Daddy’.”
When he said that, I realized that if I had said the opposite, he would have gone with it anyway. He certainly didn’t have to offer up options. I felt like a total mess inside. There was an endless whisper in the back of my mind chanting, “I can’t believe this is actually happening, I can’t believe this is actually happening.”
All the nerves in my body were firing and my breathing was still erratic. On top of which, that inner Insecure Bitch kept banging at the proverbial door, forcing a part of me to constantly keep holding her at bay. I was struggling to focus on everything at once but trying desperately not to show it.
His tongue was once again assaulting my mouth and I voraciously reciprocated. Once in a while he would either gently tug on my hair or completely pull my head back so he could alternate between my lips, neck and ears. His other hand would move from my cheek to my breasts and then to my ass and back up. I could tell he was excited too, but he was so composed! It was such a turn on, but also made me a little jealous that I was so unable to maintain a calmer front.
Oh my God, am I pathetic for being so intoxicated by him?! Did he think I was pretending or overexaggerating? What if he thinks I’m just a sick freak and is toying with me just because he can? (Shut the fuck up, Insecure Bitch! Why do you always have to try to ruin everything?!)
Jay pulled back, letting us both catch our breath. He kept his face right next to my ear as he spoke, nibbling it between sentences and making my brain go fuzzy again.
“You like it when I take charge, hmm?”
“Yes,” I whispered, losing myself in his touch and his voice.
“Yes, what?” came his stern response.
Oh damn.... and so, it begins. My tummy did a little flip and I tried to hide my emerging smile as I said, “Yes, Sir.”
Why did that make me swoon like some rock band fangirl? But then I knew. It wasn’t technically his approval I was looking for. I was turned on by turning him on. And he was sure as hell making sure my pleasure wasn’t left out of the equation. I knew that this type of play and/or lifestyle required unfailing trust, but to be fortunate enough to also share it with a man I was madly in love with gave me a high that made me want nothing more than to please him.
“You like when I pull your hair and force your head wherever I want it to go?” he asked as he demonstrated exactly that. My moans gave him the answer, but I knew better than to not respond.
“You like being my little fucktoy, don’t you?
“Mmmm, yes, Sir.”
“And you want to be my good little submissive?”
Jay paused for a moment and looked at me.
“We need to talk about a few things before this goes any further,” he said. “Not that we have to cover every little thing because that can come over time. But in order to make sure you always feel safe, I want to ask you just a few questions, ok?”
“You do know that this type of thing isn’t always just for the bedroom, right? That some people live this all the time as a lifestyle?”
“Yeah, I know that. I’m not clueless.”
“So, what exactly are we talking about? Are you wanting this to be 24/7 or just sometimes?”
“I don’t know actually. I didn’t even know you felt this way until now so I hadn’t really put any thought into it.”
“Ok, then is it something you’ve wanted to try?”
I thought hard about it for a minute before responding. “Maybe. I mean, I’m not opposed to it. I guess it would just depend.”
“What do you understand about that type of relationship? It’s not something to jump into lightly. You have to know what you’re getting into.”
“I know there’s more to it, but my base understanding is that the point is to support each other. It’s not just you bossing me around. I would only be doing it because I want to please you and you would in turn guide me and help me grow as a person.”
By this point we had placed a little more space between us, allowing for more serious talk. I was back to my good ole shy self and was mumbling with my head down. I suddenly had a realization and my head popped back up. “Wait. How the hell do YOU know so much about all this??”
Jay leaned back and sighed.
“You know when I get curious about a thing, I bury myself in it and learn as much as I can. I did a lot of digging and then had an opportunity to put my knowledge into practice. So, for a while I was paid by women to dominate them. Nothing over the top. Mostly just tying them up and spanking them. Now that I think about it, there’s actually a few videos of me online somewhere.”
“Wait, what? Videos of you doing..... stuff to those women?”
“Yes. But my face isn’t in them. I wanted to be up front with you because you know how vital honesty is to me. Just in case you ever come across them you might recognize me from the tattoos.”
“Oh.” I was completely shocked by Jay’s confession. Frankly, it worked fantastically in my favor and I couldn’t believe my good fortune, but I was still surprised.
“Have I upset you?” he asked.
“No, not at all! I feel a bit silly and inexperienced now, but otherwise I couldn’t care less.”
“I can teach you. And I have the experience to make sure you stay safe.”
I laid my head on his chest and he held me while we pondered over the unexpected situation we now found ourselves in. He ran his fingers through my hair and I ran my fingers over his chest. With a mind of its own, my hand somehow made its way down to his crotch. As I continued to slowly rub him through his pants, his breathing sped up and he became more aggressive with stroking my hair as he grew hard.
I felt his grip tighten just before he yanked my head up to meet his, burying his tongue in my mouth. I let out an involuntary whimper and he chuckled.
“You are so damn cute when you’re horny.”
Shyness overtook me once again and I looked away from him.
“Look at me,” he said in a kind yet firm tone as he took my chin in his hand and gently tilted my head to face him.
I absolutely despise how shy I get. I honestly do. It makes me feel like such a child, but I can’t seem to overcome it. Jay is fully aware of my shyness and he has told me it’s adorable (not in a patronizing way), but I still wish I was less so. When he had talked dirty to me before using “crude” language, it made me blush and I loved it. So why is it that I can’t seem to return the vulgarity? I’m nowhere close to being a prude, yet it seems to be a one-way street for me. All the while, Jay has zero problems with being direct.
“Stop looking away from me. You don’t need to be shy or nervous. If I didn’t find you attractive, do you really think I’d be like this?” he asked, placing my hand on his rock-hard cock. I smiled a little and shook my head no.
“You make me this way. Hell, I’m nothing to look at. I'm overweight and losing my hair. You think I’m not fully aware of that?” he continued.
“But you are! You’re incredibly hot..... I’m just not in your league.”
“Damn it, listen! Did you even hear what you just said? I don’t think I'm attractive, but you do. So, I accept that. You need to learn to accept that I think you are gorgeous. Because you are. It is me who is not good enough for you. I never was and I never could be.”
I was speechless. And very close to tears for the second time that evening. I knew it wouldn’t be that simple to shut the Insecure Bitch up forever, but I was going to do my best to build my confidence until I could. For him and for me.
“I love you, ok? You don’t need to be self-conscious around me.”
“Ok,” I conceded. “And I love you too.”
“Good. Now, back to the matter at hand,” he said. “You obviously like getting your hair pulled. What about being spanked?”
“Yes.” I cleared my throat and tried to speak with confidence, but I had to break eye contact to do so. One step at a time.
“Bare hands and belts, or are you interested in floggers and so on?”
“I want to try those things.”
“Being tied up? With scarves? With rope?”
“What about being lightly choked?”
I was starting to feel like a whore. Not to any fault of his own. And I’ve never thought of anyone I’d seen who was into those things in that way. But my fear of him thinking I was weird about any of my interests was growing stronger by the question.
“Um.... I mean..... yeah,” I barely squeaked out.
“How’s your gag reflex?”
Oh my God. I wanted to just disappear. Frankly, it used to be great, but over the years I have become ridiculously sensitive. I’m sure lack of recent practice was a key factor, but I was still embarrassed.
“Not that great, actually.”
“But I make up for it!”
“It’s ok, babe. Don't get upset. I’m just asking so I know the best way to proceed.”
“I know I don’t have tons of experience myself, but I have done quite a bit of ‘research’, if you will. There are some hard limits I definitely have, but I do want to push my boundaries and am willing to try a lot of new things.”
He pulled me to him, his voice rumbling in my ear as he said, “I can’t wait to help you see for yourself all the things I know you are capable of.”
I was already well beyond head-over-heels for Jay and had been for decades. How did he manage to continue saying things that made me love him more than I thought was possible?
“Ok, the most important thing is a safe word. Do you have one in mind?”
“No, but I’ll think of one real quick.”
“Be sure it’s something you will remember. It can’t be the obvious ‘stop’ or anything, which I’m sure you know. But the moment you utter that word, I will immediately stop everything, no questions asked, no hard feelings. While you're thinking of your word, do you know why you must address me as ‘Sir’?”
“I never thought about it before.”
“Well, it’s actually whatever title the people agree on. But in our case, you will be calling me ‘Sir’. There are two reasons for this. The first is that it shows me respect.”
I nodded in understanding. That made total sense. I probably knew that, but never really tried to put the concept to words.
“The other is so that I know you are still ok. Especially if you get a little flustered or forget your safe word. By you responding with ‘Sir’, I know that you are ok with whatever is going on and you want me to continue.”
I was quite surprised by that answer. I would never have thought of that. Though I already had complete trust in him, I was growing stronger in my convictions by the minute.
“Have you decided on your safe word?”
“What is it?”
“That should work just fine. Now, make sure you don’t forget it.” He grabbed me with both hands and started devouring me. It was as if he had barely been containing himself the entire time we were talking, but had shown no sign of it whatsoever. Like flipping a light switch, I was putty in his hands.
(to be continued)