Where do I begin with this? It’s certainly not a piece I ever thought I’d be writing. It’s a humbling experience, I can guarantee that. The idea for this came up while collaborating with my Dom, Grand_Glick, on an article series here on a BDSM website regarding The Book of Five Rings. I suppose starting with backstory might be best.
Brats. They get a bad rap. Yes, some Brats are just fake subs, but not all. Different Brats have different reasons for their behavior, whether they are personally aware of them or not. I’m a Brat and for the longest time I just chalked it up to wanting the punishment that followed my attitude. But reading The Book of Five Rings changed my perspective on my reasoning.
Pausing there, let’s go back to when I met Grand_Glick. It started simply with messages back and forth, evolving to Kik later on. It did not take me long to notice that he was... different. I was very upfront about my Brat side, making it clear I only ever do so in jest. He was fine with that so we kept talking. We decided to do a trial run of a D/s relationship to see if we were compatible.
I’m stubborn. And as a Brat, I like to push buttons. Early on in a new relationship, I like to test a few boundaries to see if we can handle each other. I tried being sneaky, I tried sweetly asking, I tried sass. Nothing. Not a damn thing. It was not as if my attempts were going over his head because he was calling me out on them! He knew exactly what I was doing and wasn’t going to fall for any of it.
I persisted, trust me. But he caught it every single time. I was incredibly impressed. Based solely on my past experiences, I had yet to meet anyone able to match me in wit and trickery. My Brat was frustrated and determined to get a rise out of him, but the rest of me was extremely turned on. No matter how much I kept pushing, he calmly replied in a way that often left me speechless. And the discussion most often ended with him saying, “No matter how the wind howls, the mountain cannot bow to it”. At that point I knew I lost that round. Had I found a Dom who could ACTUALLY Dom me??
Over the days, I found my Brat appeared less and less often, which he was more than happy to regularly point out (and he still does). Of course, my natural inclination for submission played a part, but I cannot submit for long to someone who cannot hold their ground and show me they can be dominant over me. Another reason my Brat comes out – gotta vet the weak!
It was strange. I was not used to this type of interaction at all. Not that I wasn’t absolutely LOVING his abilities, but I am used to winning. The people I dealt with in the past gave up so easily. For days, I was struggling internally with many thoughts and emotions. I found myself trying to reconcile my desire to push buttons with my growing desire to not push them anymore. There was no threat of punishment for my sass – he was simply immovable.
I wrestled back and forth with myself, all while reading The Book of Five Rings. He had assigned this reading to me and I was to write an entry regarding my thoughts on each section from a sub’s point of view every day. He did this as I had been honest with him regarding my internal debates and he said that the book would explain everything.
I was only allowed to read one section per day so that I could fully ponder on it. Every day I was struck with more and more realizations. And every day I called him many names under my breath as I read and could clearly identify tactics that he had used on me. I couldn’t believe it had worked! Mind you, he’s practiced at it for 20 years, but I was shocked at the results. On numerous occasions he had said various forms of: “your brat will be subjugated and happy to sit on her knees before me saying ‘thank you master, please master may I have some more’”. Dammit all. I thought for sure he was going to be wrong....
I found it more challenging every day to Brat. Slowly but surely, I was losing the desire. He was always calm, yet firm. Kind, but demanding. And somehow immovable, yet yielding. With each passing day, my desire to fully submit to him grew exponentially. Even while reading exactly what he was doing, I was unable to resist it because of the smooth and confident way he did it. He argues that he did not “trick” me, and while that may be, it is the word my Brat keeps using. He walks me right into a situation and before I know it, I’m saying or thinking exactly what he wanted, without him putting any words in my mouth. I’ve always seen these things coming before, but he slips them under my radar. By the time I realize what happened, it’s too late.
For example, he would ask how I was feeling and I was finally able to put a name on my brain’s inability to comprehend what was happening both to it and to my body. I found my heart rate kicking up just seeing his name appear on my phone. As soon as a text message popped through or I heard his voice, no matter how non-suggestive the words, I was wet and/or throbbing. Hell, I am right now. He was conditioning me and I never realized it. He had flat out told me that I would be conditioned to his needs. No hiding it. And I STILL did not see it happening. He worked things into conversations so smoothly that I didn’t see it until much later.
I told him that I felt “off balance”. It was as accurate as I could be. He kept throwing curve balls and all I could do was try to catch the one before the next came around. And wouldn’t you know it? I found a section in the book about keeping the other person “off balance”. That sonofa.........
I will not drag this on and on. There are soooo many examples of the mind-fuck he pulled off. Instead, I will close by reiterating a few points and making a few suggestions:
* This man managed to accomplish something no other man or Dom had ever been able to do, and he did it in a matter of DAYS
* While he does not budge as a whole, he is not unreasonable and always takes my thoughts into consideration, even if I don’t end up getting my way
* He is a wonderful balance, making a great example for Doms who may be new or lack confidence. But it won’t happen overnight.
* Not every Brat will have a change of heart. Reading the book made me realize I was Bratting because I was trying to get a Dom to actually Dom. Once I found what I was looking for, my Brat tucked herself in the corner and sits silently in the background now.
* Read The Book of Five Rings. There are challenging segments, but if you read our article series, you will be able to determine the underlying principles. He wrote what it means from a Dom’s perspective, and I wrote from a sub’s perspective. I recommend reading BOTH sides of the articles, no matter what your role. Let me know if you would like the link!