(Originally written in 2012 in the dawn of my first marriage)
Yeah it's the day that everyone hates. I am not fond of any day I have to get up and go into my dead end job. I am just thinking today will be normal compared my weekend. Friday, I got off work at midnight, took the bus home and found myself in an empty apartment. I know it's my fault he left and it's my fault that he wanted someone new. I know that he was never really in love with me, it was other things that made our relationship what he yearned for.
I found out more than I ever wanted to know when I found the journal he kept between the mattress and box springs. I was so hurt to know the truth, even after he had left and torn out my heart already. I don't really know how I will ever get over seeing the words he wrote:
"Lucy is getting fat, she used to be a nice piece of ass with an awesome apartment. She's a fat cow now, this apartment is my jail cell and sex is like screwing the mouth of a cave. I wish she would just die already so that I wouldn't have to see her naked anymore, if she wasn't here I could probably keep the apartment for myself. I am so tired of seeing her fat ass in my t's, she's made them stretched in the belly part and they won't cover her beyond fat upper thighs. I followed her into the bathroom and saw where she was up to 140 pounds, I'm thinking of putting some pills in her food for weight loss, if they don't make her lose weight the right way, maybe she'll throw up all her food or die from them. I want out of this hell hole, the fat whore needs to break up with me first. If she breaks up with me first then I won't have to explain why the wedding is off to my mother and maybe she'll allow me to keep the trip to Mexico that she got us for the honeymoon. Lucy... YOU FAT ASS.. DIE ALREADY."
How could he, I mean how? I work every day and he lost his job months ago. I told him when I found that number in his pocket,"If you want out now, please let me know before it's too late." I gave him a chance to leave me and never have to explain why. Our wedding day was supposed to be a week from tomorrow. Friday was the worst day I have had so far. I was physically sick, I couldn't eat or sleep. Every swallow of food I took reminded me of the words "Fat whore", "Fat Ass", "Beyond Fat". My heart was broken even more and I wondered if he left the book there so that I could be in more pain. Darren owes me a lifetime of therapy for sure.
When I woke up on Saturday morning, I told myself I wasn't gonna cry over him anymore. Darren is a douche bag, he was gonna leave me no matter what. I knew he was gonna leave the day I saw Ariella standing in my living room wearing that tight dress and knee high boots. I refuse to look at his journal anymore, but I am sure I will find out what they REALLY did that night. The night I was at the hospital with his little sister after she broke her arm. He's a scumbag, he deserves to get whatever the girls at that club have and then some.
I got out of bed Saturday morning with one thing in my mind, I am gonna prove to myself that I am the girl I was 4 years ago when I met Darren. Hell, I was gonna prove to myself that I am better than that girl. I took my shower and went to my closet, I was bent on finding the smallest dress/skirt I had. I was going out later, I was going to find myself someone that made Darren look like yesterday's vomit. It was time for me to find a man that wanted to please me.
I found a black dress and my black stilletos, placed them on the bed and went to the drawer where I kept my underwear. I smiled big as I found my push up bra. Digging in the drawer for my matching thong, I found a note, a note from when Darren and I first met. Darren and I were in college and he had been the only guy that I found remotely interesting at the time. His words were sweet, but now they just angered me.
"You are the only one that I love, you are all I think about. Lucy, my Lucy, is the most amazing woman in my life. I am so happy to have found such a beautiful girl like you...."
Ugh, I wanted to throw that letter out right then. He deserves to be found somewhere with the nastiest crotch rot he's ever seen, he deserves to lose the only thing he ever uses to think with.
That letter made me think back to an argument we had, Darren said I was never dressed sexy enough to make him hard and he had to play with it to get it up. I was surprised he found his little dick to get it up, but I knew he had because he would fumble to find my pussy in the dark, pump 3 times and then fall over asleep.. or drunk. I thought, "No, today I am gonna be ready for it." I slipped on my panties quickly and I called some friends and asked if they wanted to go out. Two of the girls from work agreed to meet me at my place at 9. I had time to kill and some accounts to close.
Saturday was gonna be about me. I went down to the bank and closed out our joint checking and savings, opened up my own and left with a smile. As soon as I left the bank, I was ready to do something I wanted to do for months, I went to a spa. After the spa, I got my nails and hair done. I was a new woman for sure, the woman in the mirror even turned me on. I felt wet just thinking about all the men I was going to tease tonight.
I returned home around 7, my panties were soaked from staring at myself in the beauty salon mirror. I went to my room and pulled open my top drawer, found my vibrator and grinned. I walked slowly to the living room and closed my curtains. I turned on the toy to see if I needed batteries and realized they were just fine and I could enjoy myself until about eight when I needed to start getting ready to go out. I turned on some music and gently removed my clothes, I got goosebumps as the material rubbed against my body. Once in my underwear I found myself in a hurry to be naked and sprawled on the couch. I tore off my bra, nipples hard and breasts round and full. My panties were last, I didn't even have the patience to take them all the way off, I just pulled them down around my ankles and pulled back my pussy lips. I gently inserted my vibrator and turned it on. I thought to myself how funny it was that my toy was bigger than Darren and how it could make me squirt over and over before he could make me feel bad enough for him to pretend I got off.
I played on gentle for about twenty minutes, my nipples felt as if they were going to explode. I started to lick my fingers and rub them. My heart started to pump a little harder and I got excited, I pinched my nipples as hard as I could. I could no longer be gentle to myself. I took the vibrator and turned it to max, I started to pound my softness with my vibrator, crying out and screaming in pleasure. Darren never gave me so much pleasure. My clit started to move a little and then I started to get wetter and wetter. I tensed up hard and yelled out "Oh fuck", I came all over myself. My couch was soaked with cum and sweat. I bit my lip and licked the vibrator clean. The clock said eight fifteen. Oh no, I had less than an hour to get ready to go out.
I got up cleaned up my couch, threw a clean blanket over it and picked up my clothes. As I threw my clothes in the wash, I smiled at how much fun I could have all by myself. I hurried along and got in the shower. Someone had been a dirty, dirty girl and they needed to be washed clean of it. After I was dressed I heard a knock at the door, it was the girls. I welcomed them in and told them tonight was going to be the best night of our lives. Darren would never have let me go out with the girls, he didn't even want them to come over. If he wasn't all I was about then I "didn't love him". I was going to party like I did in college, before he came around and screwed up all my fun. As we were leaving I walked behind my couch, my legs rubbed together and my bare pussy throbbed with excitement, tonight I was going to be pleased like no one had ever please me, if I had to come home and do it myself again.
The girls and I arrived at the bar at about nine thirty, the bouncer licked his lips as he let us in the door. I made sure I walked in with all the sexy wiggle I had ever had. We danced with each other for a few, got drinks and then went off to spot someone to take home or call later. I found myself in the lounge, on a couch right next to me was a man with beautiful blue/green eyes and the perfect set of teeth. His lips looked so kissable that I couldn't resist talking to him. We chatted for half an hour, then I asked "What is your name anyway?" He replied "Shane Mable, my friends call me Shame." Oh wow, I was about to try and take home a guy named Shame... was this a sign or was I just scared all of a sudden because it had been a long time since I had been so turned on by a man other than the one that had just left me. What was his name.... I was actually blank, what was the name of the man that just left me yesterday? Oh well, this one's name was Shane, and he was way more sexy than the minute man that left me for the whore stripper from 'Big Ol' Busties'. Shame was going to get the fucking of his life tonight, and he wouldn't be ashamed of that.
I talked to Shame for a long time after that, the girls had gone home with numbers or men. Shame and I were just sitting there on the couch talking about how much we needed someone. I finally just asked "So, do you think you would enjoy being inside this?" I grabbed his hand and pushed it up my dress, I let go and he fingered my soaked softness. Eyes wide with excitement he said "What do you think?", then placed my hand on his lap, where I felt his throbbing hard cock. I was ready to take his sexy ass home. We left the bar and went outside. We grabbed his car and he took me home, the whole ride home he rubbed my wet softness and talked about how much he was going to beat it up and how we weren't gonna stop until he was done.
Shame and I went up to my apartment, I turned on the music and he slowly undressed me. He took my bra off, started sucking my nipples hard, and fingering me. I screamed at how amazing it felt and then he took off his clothes as well. Shame picked me up, pressed my body to his and slowly lowered me down on his throbbing cock. He pushed in slowly, I felt like I was going to rip apart, he was so big and I was so small. He reached down and started pinching my nipples harder and harder, I let out a scream and then the same feeling as earlier came over me. I wanted him to go hard, go deep and hurt me like I had never been hurt before. I yelled out "Oh please hurt me, fuck me til I bleed. Make my body rip apart." Shame started pounding me hard and slow. I shook in pleasure, as he grabbed my breasts and used them to push me down on his hardness. I screamed louder and louder as he pounded harder and harder. He got faster and faster and then stopped. He asked me to bend over the couch, I stood up and he spanked me hard.
I bit my lip looking back at him smiling at my body, his cock still throbbing and so hard it stood straight out. I wanted more. I pouted a little and he grabbed my ass, lifted me a little and pushed himself in roughly. I moaned, this was different. He grabbed my waist and pulled me back to him, bouncing me off his thighs. I giggled and something deep inside me came out, begging him to go harder. He got harder and harder and I got louder and louder. I started to cum hard, I squirted all over him and he just laughed and kept going. He pounded me so hard he himself started to grunt. I stopped cumming and started moaning again, I was dripping with my own juices. Shame got slower and asked me what I wanted him to do when he was finished. I was out of my mind, he didn't know what he was doing to me. I grinned and giggled, then said with a sly tone "Oh, surprise me." He kept going, softly at first, then he started to pound me harder and harder, he grabbed my waist and pushed me against him roughly. I started to feel him cum, I was a little frantic but it felt so good, I yelled out "Oh...GOD..you're cumming inside me." He moaned really loud and grunted, turned us both around and sat down on the couch. As I sat in his lap he caressed me and finished cumming.
We lay there, on the couch, in a puddle of our sweat and cum. I was so pleased, I knew he would blow my mind. He whispered in my ear "You are the first girl I have ever felt like letting go inside,I hope you don't get offended. Your pussy is fantastic and I would love to be inside you again" I could barely talk, I replied "Of course baby, you can be inside me any time you want." I was upset at myself later that night, I had agreed to be Shames fuck buddy. How could I be so blinded by how amazing the sex was? I was supposed to be a good girl that made a few mistakes every now and then, I was someone else while he was inside me. I wanted to hate who I was, but I completely enjoyed it. Shame and I traded numbers and he went home, after some amazing oral sex and a long hot shower. He tucked me into bed and told me to call him later, whenever I woke up and snapped out of the after glow. Not only was I going to be with him again, he was actually a good guy!
I woke up Sunday morning feeling amazing. I was so happy. My mother called me and asked if I would come over after she came home from church, we were going to have brunch and then she was going to take me to the mall because she was upset that my work clothes were fading and full of holes. Mom, she's a good person now that she divorced my step dad, I know she loved him and he was all she had but me and my brother after my father left us, but he was a child molester. I am not even going to get into the things he did to me and my cousin, he should rot in Hell with that Darren guy.
I got dressed and went out to get mom some flowers, I thought she deserved something from me for being so nice and buying my clothes. I took the bus to the flower shop, while looking out the window I saw a familiar car. It was Shame's, he was sitting in the front seat waiting on a red light. In the passenger seat was a large box and he was talking to someone on the phone. My stomach sank, I thought "He's married, he's got a girlfriend, oh please be for his mother." I shook it out of my head, the dark part of me rose up and said "Oh don't worry, you're only fucking the guy" I agreed with it and smiled. Once I arrived at mom's she told me she was sorry for Darren leaving me and told me she had seen his mother at the grocery store. Mom told me his mother took away his trust fund and wanted her to give me an envelope. Mom dug down into her purse and pulled out a long, letter sized envelope. I was scared to open it, but I felt the new side of me give me a nudge. I put out my hand and she placed the envelope in it. Inside there was a letter from Darren's mother, $4,000.00 and the key to the car she had given him, the note read :
I loved/love you like my own daughter. I saw how my son treated you and who he is trying to be with now. I am ashamed of him and he knows why I took his car. This car is yours, I got your information from your mother on the phone and had it put in your name. It's parked in your apartment's parking lot in spot B5. You don't have to thank me, find someone who makes you happier than my son ever did and take care of yourself. Use this money for whatever you want dear!
P.s. Come see me sometime!
Love, Saraphina Carotino "
I was so happy when I got home last night to see my new car parked in the lot, all of the things that were in the car were still inside. My sunglasses, Darren's. I looked in the glove compartment, there were tons of papers with numbers on them and little notes. Ugh, and there it is again, proof he was a cheating loser. I was so angry at him again. My heart was broken all over again. I sobbed, then the new me inside rose up again and said "Don't cry over a loser, he never even pleased you. He never loved you and he never had the balls to be a man and tell you the truth!"
I trashed all his numbers and notes, then took my new car for a ride! The wind blew through my hair and my heart raced in freedom. As I was driving I drifted off to Shame pounding me hard and grabbing me tight. I could almost feel his sweat drip on my back and hear his moans and grunts of pleasure. I wanted to call him and ask him over. I rushed home, picked up my cell and called him. It rang,and rang,and then.... someone picked up "Shane's phone, what can he do you for?" It was a guy, another guy thank goodness. I asked if I could speak to him and the guy replied with "Well, he's fucking my wife right now, can he call you back when it's my turn?" I laughed and said" Could you please give Shame the phone" The guy changed his tone, "Sorry chick, I bet you wish I was telling you a story, he's really fucking my wife. Shame and I share girls, I've been married for ten years and my wife and I are swingers. I can have him call you as soon as play time is over." I said "Oh, okay. Thank you" and hung up.
So that's what it was, Shame was a swinger, among other things, and I was his new.... what? I was confused and wanted to know what it was all about. Close to six hours later I got a call back from Shame. He was sweet when I answered "Hi", "Hey, sexy lady" he said, "So now you know what I do, besides being a lawyer. I hope you understand what goes on and if you don't and want to know more about it I can explain it to you." I was quiet for a minute and then the new me told me to go for it. I answered "Tell me everything!" I was excited for something new. Shame told me everything last night, he told me that I was to be his if I wanted and that he was into "owning" his girls. He did things his way and also met the rules of his group. He ask me if I preferred a collar or would I like a tattoo of a caged butterfly. I told him collar, then he told me that today he was to come over after work and we were going to sign the copy of the rules and regulations to being in his group. I told him I was ready and good night. I hung up and went to sleep.
Back to today....
I'm sitting here at the office waiting for 6:30 so that I can drive my new car home and meet the sexiest man I've ever been next to. I can't wait to sign a sheet of paper and enjoy the most pleasure I've ever had. This day can't go by any slower. I need to stop writing and get my work done I guess. Catch you later diary.