Letter 24 - From the Lost Letter Bin at Everheart, North Dakota

Everheart Examiner

Letters to the Editor Department

5487 N. South Street

Everheart, ND


Dear Editors:

    My name is Anna Hammergood. I am a regular reader of the Everheart Examiner and enjoy the paper very much. I am particularly fond of the humor section, but after reading for several years I have a bone to pick with your choice of jokes in the Joke of the Day column.

    Very often you print jokes about farmers' daughters or farmers' wives. You probably do this because you publish in a farming community, but more often than not these jokes imply that farmers' daughters and farmers' wives are promiscuous and regularly have sexual relations with traveling salesmen, vagabonds, hobos, long-haul truckers, hippies, law enforcement officers and all variety of men they have known only briefly. This  stereotype is out of date, not funny, and not good for our community.

    I am a farmer's daughter and I live with my father and mother outside of Everheart. I do not have sex with anyone except local boys, and unlike in those stories, we do not do it in the barn. The barn is disgusting. One time I let an itinerant preacher enjoy my womanly charms in our machine shed, but that is only the exception that proves the rule.

    Your paper never lays the charge of promiscuity on any of the other girls around in our community. Take Angie Crutback, for instance. She is the daughter of a tractor mechanic and she will do the deed with any man with a pulse. Nobody sends in jokes about grocers' daughters even though it's well known that Linda Nopers, the daughter of Everhearts most well-known grocer, can't keep her panties on for more than a minute if there is a man around. Hegla Freebody, who doesn't wear panties at all, is so generous with her affections that the Everheart city council considered declaring her a public utility. She is the daughter of a barber. I never saw a joke in your paper about barbers' daughters.

    And the same goes for farmers' wives. I consulted with my mom on this one and she says among the farm wives she knows there ain't nobody plowing their fields except their husbands. She said those jokes probably came from Lorraine Wetbottom who was often seen making the naked run of shame from the barn to her house on the same mornings there was a sixteen-wheeler parked out on the road by their place. But Lorraine moved off the farm and into town years ago and now runs a beauty parlor with her daughter, Lilly.

    If you want to publish jokes about philandering wives, I know your readers would appreciate some light-hearted stories about the minister's wife at our local Methodist church who is corrupting the souls of the young men faster than her husband can save them.  Or you could take a look at the wife of one local pharmacist here in Everhart who loves astronomy so much she spends her summer nights flat on her back in the meadow behind the rodeo grounds gazing at the heavens while the local boys explore the heavenly delights located between her legs. I'm sure stories about either of them ladies would be very entertaining to your readers.

    Don't get me wrong. Me and my mom like a good story about a girls letting  men have at them in funny ways or in funny places. We just think that when we turn to the joke section of your paper we should see the love spread a little wider, like Irma Johansons legs, to include the wives and daughters of town girls too.



Anna Hammergood