Two Little-known Fetishes

Most of us understand voyeurism as the act of viewing another person or persons doing something in supposed privacy while unaware they are being watched.  It might be only a man or woman taking a shower, it might be a woman or a man masturbating, or it might be a couple of different or the same sex getting on with getting the big “O”.  The term, voyeurism, conjures up visions of hidden cameras, peeping through windows, and standing under an open stair in hopes of seeing a woman’s panties.

Most of us also understand exhibitionism as the act of a person or persons doing the same things voyeurs like to see, but instead of being unaware, exhibitionists do these things in hopes of being seen.  Nude beaches are one example, but the woman who doesn’t wear panties under her dress or skirt and then sits down with her legs open, or the woman who wears a tight T-shirt or sweater with no bra are both exhibitionists.  

Men who wear nothing under a raincoat and then expose themselves to women are also exhibitionists.  It is interesting to note that while female exhibitionists are generally regarded as interesting if not pretty cool, male exhibitionists are usually arrested and taken to jail.  Society works in strange and mysterious ways.

There are at least dozens of websites that cater to voyeurs and exhibitionists.  The exhibitionist has only to take some selfies with a cell phone and then submit them for posting.  Assuming the pictures fall within the restrictions of the particular website, those pictures will be posted for any voyeur to ogle and comment on.  

While these two fetishes involving watching and being watched are the most well known, there are a couple similar fetishes that don’t receive much recognition.  Those are “candaulism” and  “compersion”.  It would be a disservice to call them “odd” since they aren’t at all odd to the practitioners, but they are definitely unusual.

“Candaulism” has two definitions, but both are similar in that they involve the display of one partner of a couple by the other.  In the first definition, one partner of a couple derives sexual arousal from displaying pictures or video of the other to someone.  In some cases it also involves inviting another person to view the displayed person in real time from a secreted location such as a closet or via closed circuit television.

In heterosexual couples, the “candaulist” is usually male, and either shows pictures of the female partner to others or posts them on the internet.  I would assume the same to be true for gay and lesbian couples, because the fetish isn’t just a male fetish.  Perhaps a gay or lesbian member can confirm or deny this assumption.

It is important to understand that the candaulist is neither voyeur nor exhibitionist.  The candaulist receives pleasure from showing his or her significant other to other people and observing their reaction, not from viewing the pictures or video.

It isn’t necessary for the female be naked or doing anything of a sexual nature.  A candaulist can get the same sexual enjoyment from showing the guys at the office a picture of his wife or girlfriend completely dressed, in a swimsuit or just as she dresses when at home.  Indeed, there are websites that will reject any photo that shows bare breasts, a bare ass, or other naughty bits.

The majority of websites that cater to those with candaulistic tendencies will post almost any photo not involving children or animals or anything that would require some serious cleanup afterward.  The photos run the gamut from short dresses with low necklines worn with stockings, to bra and panty shots, to full nudes, to the woman masturbating.  Both “unaware” photos and videos and photos and videos taken with the woman’s consent are used with this fetish.  

The second definition is similar but involves one partner, again usually male, posting pictures or inviting another to watch the female partner engaging in sex with a man who is not her normal partner.  As with the first definition, it isn’t necessary that the female partner not know she is being watched, and in fact, some women derive sexual pleasure from knowing others are watching.

My use of the word “inviting” instead of “allowing” is crucial to the understanding of this fetish.  This fetish is sort of like, “see what I have and don’t you wish you had it too?”  The candaulist’s pleasure comes from knowing someone out there is lusting after his or her partner.  While it is usually a male that enjoys this fetish, there are more than a few women who enjoy posting pictures of their significant other with a bare chest, in swim trunks, or holding his erect cock.

Videos are also common and often are of both men and women masturbating.  Pictures and videos of one of the couple having sex with a different partner are also a part of the candaulist fetish.  The comments by viewers of both the pictures and videos yield reinforce the candaulist’s sexual pleasure.

“Compersion” is another little discussed fetish.  It would seem to be the same fetish as cuckoldry, but the two differ in the motivations of the partners.

Psychologists generally agree that the motivation of the cuckold or cuckqueen is an escape from self and is masochistic in nature because the cuckold experiences humiliation while observing his partner having sex with a different partner.  For this reason, cuckoldry is part of the BDSM lifestyle.

For the cuckold, that humiliation may be because he has a small cock or because he can’t satisfy his partner with an orgasm.  Cuckolds also often have fantasies of their significant other being “bred” by another man and then raising the resulting child as their own.  The man doing the breeding is often called a “bull”.

For the cuckqueen, it might be that she doesn’t consider herself as sexy or beautiful as the woman her partner is bedding while she watches.  It might also be that she is non-orgasmic for some reason and believes that makes her less of a woman than the woman her significant other is having sex with.

In a cuckold relationship, the partner being watched is aware his or her partner is watching and willingly participates because they assume the dominant role to the cuckold’s or cuckqueen’s submissive role.  

Compersion differs from cuckoldry in that compersion is the deriving of pleasure from watching a partner receiving pleasure from a person not his or her partner.  It has been described as the opposite of jealousy, and also as similar to the feeling one would have when one’s child marries or when a close friend is in a loving romantic relationship.

Compersion also differs from cuckoldry in that the concepts of dominant and submissive do not exist in compersion.  Compersion is just a man watching his wife having a sexual relationship with another man (or woman), or a wife watching her husband having a sexual relationship with another woman (or man), but can also be when one partner is in a romantic relationship without sex.  Again, the pleasure of the watcher is obtained from the pleasure of the partner.

Compersion is also not swinging.  Swinging is typically characterized by two or more couples having sex in the same room – soft swing – or by the couples exchanging partners.  The MMF and MFM relationship is also part of swinging because there are multiple partners involved. In a compersion relationship, only one partner of a couple is romantically involved with only one other person.

Swinging also does not necessarily involve romantic relationships.  While romance might develop in a swinging relationship, in general, swinging is only about sex.  Swingers often become good friends as would seem obvious, but usually that’s all it is, close friendship that results in a lot of good sex.

So, are there other unusual fetishes out there?  Let us know with a comment.