I have received tremendous feedback for my "And Krista Makes Three" story here on Novel Trove and, believe me when I say that I am thrilled and humbled by all the kudos. Thank you to all!
Which brings me to the subject of this post.
Like my characters, Samuel and Kevin, I am bisexual. Contrary to them, I didn't discover this in my twenties or... didn't wait till my twenties to act on it (would be a better way of putting it! Haha!). I have always been bisexual. I have had periods in my life where I have felt "more gay", other periods where I have been in monogamous relationships with women (one at a time! So I guess, during those periods, I was "more straight") but I have always been basically bisexual and have always been straight (no pun intended) with my partners about my sexuality. I discovered I could be attracted to girls and boys even before I was really SEXUALLY attracted to one or the other. I mean that I was attracted to the romantic notion of being with a cute girl or a cute boy from third grade on (8 years old?). But back then, because this was the 70s, I didn't know (yet) that a boy COULD BE with another boy. So I would just sort of think: "Oh I just happen to think he is cute". And that was it. Whereas I could look at a girl as a potential girlfriend and sing that silly ditty in my head: "Tristan and Julie sitting in a tree... k-i-s-s-i-n-g". I never would have thought of singing: "Tristan and Sebastien sitting in a tree... k-i-s-s-i-n-g." Because I didn't know that could even happen!
So when I realized (or was told, I can't really remember when this illumination happened exactly) that it WAS possible to have sexual relations with another boy, that it was possible to kiss and make love to another boy, I had my first experiences. At 12. I realized that boys could arouse me, that girls could arouse me. That there were boys AND girls that I would like to have intimate moments with. That I really liked giving oral pleasure to a guy and to a girl. That I liked the taste of a girl's genitalia and that I liked the taste of a boy's genitalia (with the added bonus of FEELING it GROW when I touched it, licked it, sucked it). With a boy, I felt I sort of had an inside track because I had the same equipment he had so I had a better idea of what to do to make him happy, to make him cum. With a girl, it was more of a challenge, but I was (I think) a good student and a willing apprentice which means I learned quickly. Of course, through the years, I also learned that all boys are NOT created equal and don't ALL like the same thing, as is the case with girls, too.
But I also realized, through the years, that generally, I am sexually aroused by... love. I am most happy sexually when I am with somebody I have true, profound feelings for. Sure, random sex was okay -- in my teens and twenties, maybe? -- but it is so much better when it is more than just a physical attraction.
But I digress. The reason for this post is my gripe with society's need to put us in little boxes, to categorize us. You are gay, you are straight or you are bi. And bi is very often debatable. It's funny because in this era where more and more people come out as openly bisexual, psychologists and other -ists feel the need to make you choose. "No, no, no. That doesn't work. You can't have it both ways. You MUST be more attracted to men OR women. It can't be both EQUALLY." Okay. So even if it ISN'T both EQUALLY. If I am more attracted to women but I like to have sex with men, too, does that make me straight? No, right? And if I am more attracted to men but I like having sex with women because sometimes I just need to feel a female body, beautiful curves, smooth thighs, delicious breasts and the feel and taste of quivering pussy lips on my mouth or around my penis, does that make me gay? No, right? So can I just be bisexual? Or better yet, can I just be MYSELF? And can you please leave me the fuck alone with your societal conventions and categories?
What are your thoughts on this subject?
(Posted Jan 07, 2016)